CNN Hosts Semi-Final of America’s First Unattractive Male Pageant

On Tuesday, CNN hosted the semi-final of the first of its kind Unattractive Male Pageant. Three finalists stood out from the crowd of 17 initial contestants which have been competing for the title starting several months back.

The Unattractive Male Pageant is a concept derived from previously held Beauty Pageants, but, as the title suggests, the contestants compete based on criteria that are the exact opposite of those typical in Beauty Pageants. Candidates are expected to not only look their worst, but to also demonstrate lack of any discernible talents and empathy on any humanitarian issue.

Voting for which one of the three semi-finalists is the ugliest will continue over the next several months. Voters are taking into account not only how repulsive the contestant’s appearance is, but also how ugly and revolting their personalities are.

The goal of the Pageant is to crown the least attractive of all contestants as the Ugly King.

The contestants have done an excellent job of disgusting American audiences so far. The race is expected to be tight.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Also relevant:

Democrats Distracting Americans from Most Relevant Issues

On Friday, March 25, 2016, political analyst Chris Wallace of Fox News discussed the stark differences between the topics of discussion in Democratic vs Republican debates.

“Look,” he said, “Democratic debates are a sham, a distraction. Democrats keep bringing up irrelevant topics such as Education, Health Care and Global Warming.”

“Effectively,” he said, “Democrats are hoping to divert the attention of the American public from the most pertinent and urgent issues facing our country, namely, which Presidential candidate has a larger penis, and who has a prettier wife,” said Wallace.

“It is alarming,” he said, “that there are people in our country who are easily fooled by the Democratic political manipulations. It is our responsibility to ensure that Americans are focused on the issues that matter most.”

Wallace vowed, that Fox News will not betray Americans like other news networks do. Their coverage of the penis sizes of the candidates, and the looks of their wives will continue to keep Americans informed, so they can make the right choice on Election Day.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Also relevant:

Miss South Carolina 2007 on Trump’s Recent Debate

Today, Miss South Carolina 2007, a staunch supporter of Republican Presidential nominee Donald James Trump threw her weight behind Trump’s most recent discussion of the size of his hands, and the implication of that size for the size of his penis, during a nationally televised Republican debate.

“I personally believe,” Miss South Carolina said in an astounding display of clarity uncharacteristic of her when discussing other topics, “that Mr. Trump has a medium sized [penis]. The strange thing about it is this one piece of hanging foreskin, but that is ok if he just wants to be President.”

Asked to clarify what she means, Ms. South Carolina simply replied: “U.S. Americans are able to do so, such as.”

Asked if she came to her conclusions based solely on the size of Mr. Trump’s hands, Miss South Carolina said “Yes. I personally believe that.”

She was invited to comment on other candidates in the Republican race.

“That Mexican guy from Florida,” she said, referring to the Cuban Marco Rubio. “He has really big ears. I haven’t seen his [penis],” she said, “but from his ears, I can tell it’s really big.”

She declined to comment whether or not that would qualify him as a better candidate than Trump, since the interview was getting too long.

See a video of her discussing other important world issues.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Also relevant:

 

Christie Defends Trump’s Mention of Penis

Christopher James “Chris” Christie, the former Republican presidential candidate who withdrew from the White House race in order to join rival Donald John Trump today defended Trump’s most recent discussion of his own manhood on national TV during the latest Republican debate.

“Look,” he said Christie, “comparing penises is the only way for Mr. Trump to successfully compete against Secretary Clinton. If we are going to win this election, we need to take the fight to a place where Mrs. Clinton would not be able to rival him.”

Christie confirmed that he fully stands behind Trump, literally and figuratively, on this and other developments in the Presidential race that are to come.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Also relevant: Miss South Carolina 2007 on Trump’s Recent Debate

Republican Presidential Candidates Successfully Find Their Podiums

Republican Presidential candidates have surely come a long way: from a group of confused, disoriented contenders, to a group that can more or less find its way to the debate podium.

Their pre-debate walk to the podium before the Tuesday New Hampshire Primary was not without some amount of challenge. Ben Carson, the candidate who no one quite understands how he had actually been a brain surgeon at some point, stood still on the side of the stage instead of walking to the podium as he had been expected to do when his name was called. Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz, the Cuban Canadian who for some reason still believes he might be eligible to run for President, triumphantly walked past Carson, declaring victory to his supporters. Donald Trump, encouraged by Cruz’ blazing rush, took strategic position next to Carson, ready to storm to the stage while the name of water drinking Marco Rubio was being called out. No one seemed to remember what the name of the last candidate was, until someone looked it up.

Still, in less than three minutes, a record time for that group, the seven presidential candidates successfully took their positions at the debate stage, ready to discuss issues even more important than podium positioning.

Watch video of debate entrance

“We are proud of them,” said Fox News anchor Chris Wallace, who is being paid to ensure that the only Republicans are elected to office. “If they can learn how to walk when their names are called out, they can learn anything. The sky is the limit.”

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Trump’s Message Resonates Well With Ordinary Middle-Class American Billionaires

THE CANADIAN PRESS/AP Photo, John Minchillo
THE CANADIAN PRESS/AP Photo, John Minchillo

Opinion poll conducted after the fourth Republican debate on Fox has confirmed that the message of presidential candidate and real estate mogul Donald John Trump has found agreeable audience in ordinary middle-class American billionaires.

“He is our guy,” said investment billionaire Carl Icahn, whose total net worth is only 20.5 billion. “He understand the day-to-day struggles middle-income American billionaires have to go through.”

“There are some of us,” explained pharmaceuticals billionaire Phillip Frost who is worth a mere 4.3 billion, “who have to make a living on single-digit billion income. If you think that’s a feasible alternative, try it, and see how many summer mansions you can support that way.”

Many appreciated specific aspects of Trump’s personality and beliefs.

“He isn’t the type who’d cry over spilled oil,” chimed in oil and gas billionaire Harold Hamm, who also falls in the single-digit billion category with a net worth of 7.4 billion.

“He appreciates the importance of owning the media and brainwashing Americans into voting the way we tell them,” shared Fox News owner billionaire Rupert Murdoch, who seems to have barely made it out of billionaire poverty with a hard-earned net worth of 11.6 billion.

“He is our guy,” stated David Koch of the Koch brothers, who, despite the fact that he belongs to the upper-middle-class of billionaires with his 41 billion net worth, graciously offered support of a candidate whose focus is the actual middle-class of billionaires. “He will make sure he Makes America Great Again for the top 50 of us. And maybe for the next 100.”

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News Sense News is a satirical fake news blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Kim Davis to Join Second GOP Presidential Debate

Kim_Davis_Cheerleader

Breaking News: We have just learned that Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk who became famous for her refusal to perform same sex marriages, or, for that matter, any marriages in a sign of protest against encroaching 21st century views, intends to join the second GOP Presidential debate on Wednesday, 9/16, dressed as a cheerleader, in an effort to re-invigorate GOPs voting base.

Ms. Davis’s cheerleading outfit will consist of a slightly over-sized orange top worn over a stretchy long-sleeved black blouse. She will be wearing her hair in a tight bun and has opted for the same thinner-rimmed glasses that she wears every day in her day-to-day job, which consists of her sitting behind a desk.

Most GOP Presidential candidates except front runner Donald Trump have been advised to take a precautionary bromine pill to prevent accidental erections that Ms. Davis’ presence might induce.

Ms. Davis was seen practicing her cheerleading moves in her office, since she has had lots of free time to spare during her work hours.

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News Sense News is a satirical fake news blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Trump’s New Reality Show Draws Millions of Viewers

Donald_Trump_Presidential_Debate_1

Controversial Reality TV star Donald John Trump has done it again! His new reality show America’s Got Freaks premiered on Fox News Channel this past Thursday, August 6, 2015, drawing millions of viewers and delighting audiences worldwide.

“Mr. Trump is awesome!” exclaimed excited New York resident Samantha Linden who watched the new show at a local pub. “He comes up with unique, creative entertainment ideas. Freaks! Who’d have thought they’d be so much fun to watch?”

“Only someone as well connected as him could have pulled this off,” said Cleveland resident Jonathan Reeves, who was one of the few lucky viewers who was able to attend the premiere in person as it aired live on Thursday night at the Cleveland Quicken Loans Arena. “Not sure where he found them, but he found them. Freaks like this bunch are not easy to come by.”

The show is similar to other elimination shows on TV, but it’s got some unique twists. The contest starts off with a collection of carefully selected freaks, who seem to believe they have a shot at being President of the U.S. They then do their best to embarrass and humiliate themselves on stage, after which the American public will vote them, one by one, off the island.

“The difference,” said Mr. Trump, “is that these weirdos don’t actually need to try. They are natural freaks, so to speak. They also are, in addition, naturally dumb, so dumb, that they actually don’t know they are dumb, and they in fact think they are clever. They will entertain you without even knowing they are doing that.”

Mr. Trump has added one more twist to this new and unique show.

“I will be disguised as freak too,” he said. “This way, I can be on stage with them, and stir them to show off their worst.”

He waved off the claim that one of the freaks is not actually American and is therefore not eligible to compete.

“Who cares,” he said. “Mr. Cruz is likely not going to last out there too long anyway. I’m willing to overlook the fine print and let a Cuban Canadian in for the entertainment of the viewers.”

The new show promises to be the dominant TV event for at least several months, while all participating freaks are voted off the island.

“All but one,” clarified Trump. “And you’ll never guess who will be the one that remains.”

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News Sense News is a satirical fake news blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.