The Truth About Papadopoulos

Following the revelation that one of President Trump’s campaign aides has admitted to lying to the FBI when initially questioned in FBI’s Russia Collusion probe, president Trump was quick to jump in and condemn the unethical behavior.

“He is a liar,” said President Trump on Tuesday. “He lied about lying to the FBI.”

“First,” explained Trump, “he was supposed to lie when he was questioned. That’s what liars do. They lie. They don’t tell the truth. We expected him to lie. We relied on him to lie. He told us he would lie. So we told him a lie.”

“But,” said Trump, “he was an even bigger liar than we anticipated. He lied to us that he would lie to the FBI. Instead, he told them the truth, which was ok, because that was my truth, and the truth of Fox New and their sponsors, but mostly mine.”

“And then,” said Trump, “he turned around, and lied to the FBI that he lied to them the first time.”

“He is a liar,” repeated Trump in conclusion. “Liars cannot be believed, especially when they say something against me.”

“Hillary Clinton colluded with Russia,” he said. “Everyone knows that.”

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news.

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Manafort Charged, the Details

Monday morning started with some unusual news, Fox News reported. Paul John Manafort Jr., the well known campaign manager of the campaign of now President Donald J. Trump, had been charged with some minor violations.

“Parking Near a Fire Hydrant, Other Charges**”, reported Fox in order of seriousness of the violations.

Mr. Manafort, who, as a lawyer, has been known to be absolutely perfect in following and respecting the laws to the letter, whether they are Federal, State or even just neighborhood laws. Fox News expressed their genuine surprise that Mr. Manafort would ever do anything as serious as parking incorrectly. They, as well as all their sponsors, have spent the morning scratching their heads to find an explanation.

“We are still looking for answers,” said Fox News talk show host Sean Patrick Hannity, who is known to be the most fair and unbiased of all talk show hosts in the entire history of the news industry. “I know it, deep inside my heart, just as I know that there is no such thing as Global Warming, that Mr. Manafort is innocent. There has got to be a good explanation why he parked incorrectly. If, indeed he did,” he added. “This may all be one big left-wing conspiracy.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news, which we make sure we clearly point out.

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Author’s Note: This article aims to ridicule the blatantly misleading headline that Fox News published on their front page on Monday Morning: “Manafort Charged with Money Laundering, Other Charges”

** “Other Charges” included the charge of Conspiracy Against the U.S.

Mueller Facing New Pressure to Resign

Senate Republicans have renewed their call for FBI special counsel Robert Mueller to resign after new emerging evidence has surfaced that his investigation of the collusion that the current U.S. administration had committed with the Russian government in order to get themselves elected may have started to get results.

“We can’t have him uncover the truth,” stated Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell. “The American People don’t want that to happen. We will work hard to make sure that this will not happen.”

He shared that he had been hoping that Mr. Mueller would have the desired incompetence to not be able to move this investigation forward, or, alternatively, the decency and integrity to stall, undermine and ultimately prevent this investigation, so that the treason committed by the current administration remains covered up.

President Trump also joined the renewed attack on Mueller.

“There is nothing to uncover,” he stated on national television. “So, why is he uncovering it? He should resign.”

He added that he has been looking into ways to fire Mueller, just like he fired former FBI director James Comey, who had also been working on uncovering the treason of Trump’s administration, but other government officials, including some of his own party, have not been allowing that to happen.

“It’s a rigged system,” he told the American people. “My own party is sabotaging me. Sad. They don’t care if I go to prison for my crimes.”

“I should fire him,” he added. “I should fire all of them. And then I’ll pardon myself. I’m working on that.”

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news, which we make sure we clearly point out.

O’Reilly: God Made Me Do It

This Monday, disgraced TV host Bill O’Reilly, who was ousted by Fox News in April because of sexual harassment he had committed towards a fellow Fox News colleague, had a rare moment of honest self-reflection and understanding of blame.

“You know, am I mad at God? Yeah, I’m mad at him,” O’Reilly said** on the latest episode of his web series, ironically named “No Spin News.” “I wish I had more protection. I wish this stuff didn’t happen. I can’t explain it to you. Yeah, I’m mad at him.”

[** Read source article with this quote and more on CNN Money]

God, explained O’Reilly, was single-handedly responsible for the criminal act of sexual harassment which he, Bill, committed towards Lis Wiehl, a long-time legal analyst at Fox.

“Who else?” asked O’Reilly the rhetorical question. “I only do what God tells me to do, nothing else. So, the blame for anything I commit falls squarely on Him. There is no question about it.”

He went on to explain in great detail how exactly God had instructed him to commit the criminal act, down to the very fine details of what exactly, he, Bill, should be doing to his Fox colleague, and in what manner.

“I expected,” O’Reilly said, “that God would then take responsibility and step in to explain that it was really Him who instructed me to do this.”

Instead, he was disappointed when God did not in any way, shape or form do that.

“Disappointed and angry,” said O’Reilly. “And justifiable so. God made me do it, but I am the one who has to face the (financial) consequences. I hope, and, indeed, even pray, that after the most recent settlement of $32 million I paid, God would do the right thing, and send me a re-reimbursement check.”

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Source: Bill O’Reilly ‘mad at God’ over sexual misconduct allegations (CNN)

** This is a real quote which you can read about in this CNN article or, alternatively, watch it with your own eyes in O’Reilly’s new show, really very, very ironically, and completely inaccurately named “No Spin News”.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news, which we make sure we clearly point out.

Trump Responds to Climate Change Report

On Monday, the Government Accountability Office (GAO), a non-partisan organization which provides pertinent unbiased information to U.S. Congress, released an alarming report** sharing the most recent compiled data on the grave threat that climate change poses to the U.S. and the world.

Events such as more powerful hurricanes caused by rising ocean temperatures, or more devastating wildfires due to more pronounced droughts, have cost the U.S. alone more than $350 billion over the last decade.

GAO urged president Trump to take immediate action and “craft appropriate federal responses” to such potential catastrophic scenarios.

President Trump remained presidential upon hearing of the report. He put his index fingers into both of his ears, and sang loudly “la la la”.

Fox News## was quick to inform their readers that, once again, president Trump has provided “the most appropriate response” to the issue posed in front of him.

“True leadership,” stated Fox News, “unlike the president that came before him”, failing to name president Obama by name, and condemning Obama’s creation of the Environmental Protection Agency Clean Power Plan and his steadfast participation in the Paris Climate Accord, actions that president Trump has worked very hard to reverse, joining the only two other countries in the world who are not part of that accord, Nicaragua and Syria.

** Source: Government Report Calls on Trump to Act on Climate Change (CNN)
## Fox News Documentary (strongly recommended)

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Trump Meets with President of Texas

Following the unprecedented devastation inflicted on Texas by hurricane Harvey, U.S. President Donald J. Trump today announced that he has met with the President of Texas to discuss how he can help with the effort to rebuild.

“He was such a nice guy,” Trump recounted, “such a nice, friendly guy, who loves me by the way, totally loves me. He asked me for help. I told him I would do everything I can, pull out all resources out of Puerto Rico, who doesn’t need them, we did a great job there, and help him out.”

Asked by our crew what the name of the President of Texas is, Trump waved at his security detail, who escorted our journalist out of the conference room.

Source: President Trump Talks to the President of the U.S. Virgin Islands (Newsweek)

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Trump Generously Helps Puerto Ricans with Beautiful Soft Paper Towels

President Donald J. Trump went well out of his way to help the victims of disaster-stricken Puerto Rico. During his visit of the devastated island, he made sure Puerto Ricans have all they need to retain the highest quality life despite the damage left behind by hurricane Maria.

An endearing moment, which Puerto Ricans loved so much that they screamed from the top of their lungs was when President Trump threw out at them what they needed most: the highest quality, super-absorbent, quilted paper towels, made of the finest paper from real trees cut from protected areas of the Amazon forest.

“They had these beautiful, soft towels. Very good towels,” Trump said. “And I came in and there was a crowd of a lot of people. And they were screaming and they were loving everything. I was having fun, they were having fun. They said, ‘Throw ’em to me! Throw ’em to me Mr. President!'”**

Paper towels were the last item that Puerto Ricans had not been able to procure after all of their basic needs: food, clothing and shelter have been met. They had planned an elaborate elegant reception of their most favorite President ever, complete with fountains of champagne and gold-plated silverware, but there was one item that was missing.

“We just didn’t have the right paper towels –” said hurricane victim Jose Rodriguez Gato, who had lost his home and all his belongings in the disaster. “– the kind of paper towels that are worthy of this President. President Trump was wise and graceful to bring exactly the right kind to us and to toss them out for the crowd to playfully fight over.”

The crowd had shown their appreciation to Mr. Trump’s generosity with a “deafening”** cheer.

** Indicates real quotes

Source: President Trump Brags about Quality of Paper Towels (Business Insider)

Source: Video of Actual Interview of Mr. Trump Where He Discusses Quality of Paper Towels and the Crowd’s Reaction (CNN)

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to highlight, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. Some articles, like this one, are based on real news (see sources), and, as is the case with this article, very close to the disturbing reality of this president and his administration.

U.S. Based Terrorist Organization Claims Responsibility for Attack

It did not take long for a terrorist organization to claim responsibility for the Las Vegas attack. U.S. based terrorist organization by the name of EN-AR-EI. (pronounced en-ar-ei) was quick to announce that the shooter was one of their own.

“One of our loyal soldiers, a brave lion, struck in the heart of the Liberal heaven of Nevada’s Democratic District 1,” said their statement. “We have punished the left-wing infidels, who take aim at our profits and our control of the U.S. Government.”

It is unusual for the EN-AR-EI to claim responsibility for attacks, even though they are, admittedly, largely responsible for most if not all of the gun-related terrorism in the United States. Their statement is an indication that they have been willing to evolve and learn from other terrorist organizations such as ISIS, who, even though more recent, has been using techniques such as using terror events they have committed for increased publicity and recruitment.

The EN-AR-EI, similarly to other terrorist groups, has a relatively clear agenda. Their goals, not in any particular order, are:

  • Money: Profit from selling as many and as deadly weapons as possible to U.S. citizens, non-U.S. citizens, visitors, random passers by, mentally unstable individuals, individuals with known criminal history or other terrorist organizations.
  • Control: Ensure that all Republicans, and some of the corruptible Democrats in Congress have been bribed generously so they would continue to support their cause as they have been doing so far.
  • Marketing: Opportunistically use acts of terror such as the Nevada massacre to instill fear in the hearts of Americans, which in turn can be used as means to sell more weapons under the false pretext that they can somehow be used for protection; a statement that has not been true for more than 99% of the gun related deaths.
  • Money: Yes, this one is worth stating a second time. It’s all about how much money they can make, how much money they can give to corrupted Congress members who would further support their cause, and how much money they can spend defending their goals of instilling fear in the hearts of Americans.

Intermediate goals that help their long term agenda have been:

  • Ensuring there is no control of any kind of who can buy deadly weapons.
  • Ensuring that there is no control how deadly of weapons individuals can own
  • Ensuring there are no background checks on the mental health or criminal history of individuals willing to spend money on weapons
  • Ensuring there is no information available on how many and how deadly weapons an individual possesses
  • Ensuring there is absolutely nothing that would prevent individuals from purchasing weapons as deadly as they wish, as many such weapons as they wish, with no checks and tracking of any kind, so that such individuals can, on their own decision, commit terrifying terrorist acts as means of advertising and marketing of more weapons.

The EN-AR-EI, though much more deadly than other terrorist organizations such as ISIS, enjoys several of very important advantages that put them ahead of their competition. They are a) legal, b) not officially listed as a terrorist organization yet, c) have the support of the U.S. Government, including all Republicans and some Democrats in Congress, and the current President of the United States himself.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to highlight, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Trump: Las Vegas Shooting is Act of Pure Evil

President Trump was quick to condemn the Las Vegas shooting on Monday morning.

“This was an act of pure evil,” he read carefully from his teleprompter in his official televised White House response to the Las Vegas massacre, watching for opportunities to go off script, which he could not find because of the vigilant watch of his staff.

Later in the day, when taking a deserved bathroom break, he provided more details.

“There is blame on both sides,” he tweeted before it was time for him to wipe. “I have no doubt about it, and you don’t have any doubt about it. And if you reported it accurately, you would say it.**”

“There were good people on both sides,” he clarified while still sitting on the throne of his locked bathroom, on the door of which there had been alarmed knocks by his staff, urging him to finish his bathroom business swiftly. “And bad people too. Very bad people.”

He was unable to tweet more, as his bathroom recreational trip was regrettably over and his cell phone was taken away for its daily “routine maintenance”, which typically lasts unknown number of hours, just enough to somehow prevent Mr. Trump from tweeting his mind before the aforementioned mind drifts off to something else.

** Exact quote from Mr. Trump’s response to the Charlottesville massacre.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to highlight, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

 

President Trump Donates Generously

Earlier on Sunday, 10/1, President Donald J. Trump announced a generous donation to the National Rifle Association (NRA) to help the relief efforts in disaster-stricken Puerto Rico.

“I have donated,” he announced, speaking from his golf club at Bedminster, New Jersey, where he had been enjoying a relaxing weekend, “lots of money to the one organization that will help contain the crime levels in Puerto Rico. There are bad, bad people there, folks. Bad people, taking advantage of the situation there.”

Earlier, in a different act of selfless generosity,  Mr. Trump had donated his golf trophy to the people of Puerto Rico.

The President expressed his sincere regret that he had been unable to tweet about his new donation, as his staff had quickly logged him off of his Twitter account on his cell phone, the only device which he is still able to carry unsupervised. It usually takes the President some time to re-log in his account, as this is a complex process.

Mr. Trump, who used public funds as the source for his recent donation to the NRA, had acted solely on his own goodwill, without consulting any of his advisors.

The NRA is President Trump’s preferred charity to which he not only gives, but from which he also frequently receives reciprocated contributions.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to highlight, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness.