Tom Cruise Discovers Evidence of Extraterrestrial Life

In a surprise announcement today, Thomas (“Tom”) Cruise Mapother IV revealed that he has definitive proof of the existence of extraterrestrial life.

“It’s clear if you know where to look,” shared the Mission Impossible action star confidentially.

We wanted to know what helped the reclusive actor gain insight into something that the rest of mankind had been failing to prove, despite the work of many competent scientists.

“I’ve got access to classified information,” said Mr. Cruise mysteriously.

We urged him to provide details.

“Ok,” he agreed reluctantly. “I’ve stumbled on a secret TV transmission,” he admitted. “One of the channels on my TV somehow got a signal from a secret government research. That research is done by two FBI agents, who just know everything about aliens.”

We asked if Mr. Cruise is referring to the popular TV Series The X-files with protagonists Mulder and Scully.

“Shhhh,” nearly panicked Cruise. “No one is supposed to know about that. I don’t know how you got that classified information, but now that you know, your lives might be in danger.”

We thanked him for his time.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Note: This article pays tribute to the upcoming reboot of the X-files. Fans of the show can check out the following promoted sources:

Proof that UFOs Likely Contain Intelligent Life

UFO_sighting

David Brickham considers himself to be not only an avid Dungeons and Dragons player, but also a devoted UFO enthusiast. Ever since his early teens, he has been spending most of his free time, in fact, most of his time, in his parents’ basement, looking through newspaper clippings and later on, as technology advanced, browsing the web for evidence of extraterrestrial life. Now in his mid-fourties, he believes he has found the proof that intelligent life is the reason behind UFOs that have been appearing through history.

“I just decided to approach this scientifically,” said David. “I looked at UFO data. Specifically, I looked at the frequency of UFO sightings, and correlated them to presence of technology that allows them to be documented.”

David found a surprising result. The more human technology advanced, the fewer UFOs were observed.

“This was counter-intuitive,” explained David. “We now have a lot more satellites, a lot more surveillance, and lot more capabilities to document events. Everyone now carries a cell phone and is able to snap a photo the moment they see a UFO. You would think that this way there would be more sightings.”

But the data showed the opposite. As technology became more available, sightings became fewer.

For David, there was only one explanation.

“They must now be INTENTIONALLY hiding from us,” he said. “They must KNOW that we now have better capabilities to detect them.”

That kind of adaptive behavior could only be attributed to one reason.
“Intelligence!” said David. “They must be intelligent, so they take action to evade exposure!”

David intends to continue spending the rest of his life browsing the internet in his parents’ basement so he can further confirm his conclusions.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

To the great surprise of its author, the blog has taken the unexpected turn of discussing politics and politicians more than originally intended; ignorance and narrow mindedness seem to be abundant in the field of politics. Still, the author continues to hope that lighter topics like this one will continue to crop up, since we all need to relax and enjoy our days more.