McConnell Discovers Missing Text in Constitution

Senate Majority Leader Addison Mitchell “Mitch” McConnell today announced that he has discovered provisions that had been hand-written in the original version of the U.S. Constitution drafted by the Founding Fathers. To his shock and amazement, these provisions have been (intentionally or unintentionally) omitted in later published versions of the Constitution, depriving the American people from applying the Constitution as it was originally intended.

The newly discovered provisions were listed in Article II, Section, 2, Clause 2, which is commonly known as the “Appointments Clause”.

The current published version of the Appointments Clause of the U.S. Constitution reads as follows:

He (the President) shall have the Power, by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, to make Treaties, provided two-thirds of the Senators present concur; and he shall nominate, and by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, shall appoint Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Councils, Judges of the supreme Court, and all other Officers of the United States, whose Appointments are not herein otherwise provided for, and which shall be established by Law: but the Congress may by Law vest the Appointment of such inferior Officers as they think proper, in the President alone, in the Courts of Law, or in the Heads of Departments.

Looking through “old, historic texts dating back to our founding fathers”, McConnell discovered small but critical differences in the text. Those differences, McConnell claims, are important to point out, since they were clearly the intent of the Founding Fathers.

The newly identified text reads as follows. (The small differences with current versions are highlighted to allow for easier interpretation.)

He (the President) shall have the Power, by and with the Advice and Consent of the NRA and the Senate, to make Treaties, provided the NRA and two-thirds of the Senators present concur; and he shall nominate, and by and with the Advice and Consent of the NRA and the Senate, shall appoint Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Councils, Judges of the supreme Court, and all other Officers of the United States, whose Appointments are not herein otherwise provided for, and which shall be established by Law: but the NRA and Congress may by Law vest the Appointment of such inferior Officers as they think proper, in the President alone, in the Courts of Law, or in the Heads of Departments.

 

McConnell has stated that he intends to do everything possible to ensure that this originally intended version of the U.S Constitution is the one used as the Law of the Land.

– – –

News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

– – –

Presidential Candidates’ Reaction to Equality of Marriage Vote

2016_Presidential_Candidates

On Friday, 6/26, the United States Supreme Court upheld the right of gay and lesbian Americans to marry, a measure that made history in the steps the United States has taken towards equality of its citizens.

Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz, who for some unknown reason still believes he is eligible to run for the Presidency, was quick to react. “Repeal,” he summarized his opinion in one word. “We will appeal, and we will repeal,” he said.

Noticing the catchy phrase, he instantly capitalized on it. “Appeal-repeal, appeal-repeal!” he chanted, pumping his fist in the air. One supporter clapped his hands in rhythm with the chant. This allowed the caretakers from the hospital from which this supporter had escaped locate him, and they came rushing to have him removed for his own safety.

“Oh, God! Oooh, God! How could you ever allow such sin on the face of this earth!” mumbled presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, his eyes closed and palms open as if he were reading from the Holy Book. “Wait a second,” he said shortly after, opening his eyes in realization. “This cannot be the work of God. Anathema! Anathema!” he shouted, crossing himself and spitting inside his shirt.

“It won’t hold water,” repeated his first reaction Presidential candidate Marco Rubio of Florida. “It’s full of holes. And one hole is enough for all the water to flow out,” he clarified.

“It’s the second Horseman of the Apocalypse,” said wide-eyed Michele Bachmann. “The first Horseman was the Obamacare vote. We are so near to the Apocalypse, I can smell it!”

“That was me, honey,” whispered her husband Marcus Bachmann who was standing right next to her. “Sorry, I had beans for lunch…”

“I don’t know. I really don’t know,” said Presidential hopeful Jeb Bush of Florida. He retracted his previous comment that he will wait for his brother’s reaction before he expresses an opinion, but continued to remain ambivalent.

“I think that decision is good,” chimed in newly announced Presidential hopeful Donald Trump. “More hotel bookings!” he explained excitedly, rubbing his palms together.

“Awesome news!” said Hillary Clinton. “And Bill, you have nothing to worry about,” she said, addressing her husband and former President Bill Clinton, who appeared to be checking out female campaign staffers with expression of both interest and concern.

“I didn’t order this traffic jam,” said a confused Presidential Candidate Chris Christie looking out of his window, having missed on the news of the Supreme Court decision. “Or did I? Honey, was I drunk last night?” he asked.

More reactions are expected later, as Presidential candidates have a chance to discuss the new ruling with their campaign advisers.

– – –

News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

GOP: Roberts Did Not Do What He Was Elected To Do

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts is followed by Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia as they arrive for the presidential inauguration on the West Front of the U.S. Capitol in Washington January 21, 2013. REUTERS/Win McNamee/Pool
Photo credited to REUTERS/Win McNamee/Pool

In a lash of ire over the Supreme Court vote that cemented the role of Obama’s signature healthcare law, GOP representatives accused conservative Chief Justice John Roberts of “not voting according to what he was elected to vote for” and vowed to never allow “another Roberts” to sit on the judicial bench again.

“Who does he think he is?” questioned Curt Levey of the GOP Committee for Justice. “Someone who can just decide on his own how to interpret the law?”

Chief Justice John Roberts is seen by the GOP as a key figure that has been elected to defend their interests and their interests alone. Roberts was nominated by none other than former Republican President George W. Bush, the quintessential model and pinnacle of all things Republican.

“We misjudged Roberts,” said Levey. “We failed by assuming the obvious, that he would be loyal to the people who nominated him instead of trying to play ‘Judge’”.

The historic vote was yet another attempt of the GOP to deny medical insurance to millions of Americans who rely on it. The vote, which addressed the issue of federal subsidies, ensures that medical care is available to everyone, irrespective of income or what state they live in.

Citing political neutrality, Chief Justice Roberts, together with another conservative judge, Justice Anthony Kennedy, unexpectedly sided with the American People and voted in accordance to the law.

“He failed us!” lashed out said Carrie Severino, policy director of the conservative Judicial Crisis Network. “He went rogue! He bit the hand that fed him!”

GOP Presidential candidates were also quick to provide their take, making sure the American People know where they stand on the issue.

“First thing I’ll do as President is remove Chief Justice Roberts,” said Presidential Candidate Ted Cruz of Texas, who for some unknown reason still thinks that he is eligible to run for President. “And then the first thing I’ll do is repeal Obamacare,” he vowed.

“What Roberts did doesn’t hold any water,” said Presidential hopeful Marco Rubio from Florida.

I don’t know,” said Presidential hopefu Jeb Bush, also from Florida. “When I say I don’t know, I mean I don’t know.”

“My brother put him there,” he elaborated later. “I’ll ask my brother why and then tell you what I’ll do.”

Reference: http://news.yahoo.com/obamacare-ruling-puts-supreme-court-hot-seat-u-050459645.html

– – –

News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.