Fox News Makes Certain Absolutely Nothing is Mentioned about Trump and the KKK

With every major news station in the U.S. and the World breaking the news that Republican Presidential Candidate Donald John Trump would NOT condemn the white supremacist group Ku Klux Klan’s endorsement of his candidacy, one news organization, Fox News, has taken the diplomatic approach of making certain this news is not mentioned in any shape or form in its reports.

“We are not sure what you are talking about,” said Fox News anchor Chris Wallace, who has dedicated his career on covering political news. “There is no such news. We have never heard of it, and we will make sure it is never mentioned anywhere in any of our news reports.”

When confronted with the question why everyone else seems to be reporting this news, Wallace said.

“Beats me. Like I said, there is no such news.”

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Relevant sources:

Donald Trump Has Never Heard of the KKK

Republican Presidential Candidate Donald John Trump commented today on CNN on the endorsement he received from the white supremacist group Ku Klux Klan (KKK) by admitting that he is not familiar with the group.

“Kay Kay What?” he asked CNN journalist Jake Tapper who was conducting the interview. “Never even heard of them. What do they do?”

Tapper explained that the KKK is a neo-Nazi white supremacist group that professes hate towards Blacks, Homosexuals, Women, Foreigners, and pretty much anyone who is not an unemployed, uneducated, white male.

“Doesn’t sound familiar,” said Trump.

They wear white robes and pointy white hoods, explained Tapper. They hold armed rallies similar to the rallies of ISIS.

Trump simply shook his head. “I have no idea who you are talking about,” he said.

They used to kill Black men, women and children simply because of the color of their skin, and used to burn crosses. Very recently, the group inspired the terrorist attack on a church in Charleston, South Carolina which killed nine people.

“Sorry,” said Trump. “There are many groups out there. It’s hard to keep track.”

“However,” he said, “I am not even the least bit surprised. Everyone endorses me. People love me. I am the greatest person who ever lived. We will make America great again!”

Listen to the actual interview here.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Relevant sources:

Fox News to Support Cruz and Rubio for a Little Bit Longer

Fox News, the network that most accurately expresses the opinions of those who pay them to express these opinions, today stated that it would continue to support the two candidates that it has been paid to support at the moment, the Cuban Canadian Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz, and the Cuban American Marco Antonio Rubio.

“Unfortunately, we can no longer throw our support behind John Ellis “Jeb” Bush,” lamented Fox News TV anchor Chris Wallace, “who was the candidate we had been paid to support up to until now. With the withdrawal of Mr. Bush from the race, this revenue stream has dried up.”

“We are, therefore, switching to the next best alternatives we have been paid to promote, namely, Mr. Cruz and Mr. Rubio.”

Pressed to comment on the unexpected surge of the TV reality show star Donald John Trump, Fox News threaded carefully.

“Well, look,” said Fox News TV Host Sean Patrick Hannity. “We have been told explicitly up to until now that Mr. Trump does not represent the views of those who have been paying us. However, we have to acknowledge, that sooner or later, those who have been paying us will have no choice, but to start supporting him, or face someone with innovative and progressive views to become President. With such a lack of choice, we expect to be paid to support Mr. Trump soon, in about a week or so.”

“It is therefore important,” said Hannity, “that we switch immediately from heavily criticizing Trump for his Nazi views, to casually reporting on him in an intentionally neutral way, while Mr. Cruz and Mr. Rubio continue to hope for a miracle that would bring them ahead in this competition.”

“When the week is over,” said Hannity, “and the money we’ve been paid to promote Cruz and Rubio also dries up, we will start our enthusiastic coverage of Mr. Trump, who, we expect, will become the unwitting only hope for those who pay for our opinions.”

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Ted Cruz: Obama Responsible for Scalia’s Death

There is a reason why an autopsy would not be performed on the late Associate Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court Antonin Gregory Scalia, who died unexpectedly in Texas on February 12, 2016. At least one of the Republican Presidential hopefuls, the Cuban-Canadian Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz, claims to know the answers regarding his death, which many have been trying to find.

“If an autopsy were performed, it would reveal the truth, which has been suppressed to mislead the American people,” Mr. Cruz stated on Fox News on President’s Day.

Prompted to share what he knows, Cruz looked directly into the camera and said. “Scalia died because of Obama. His death at this convenient for Obama time was no accident.”

Fox News was intrigued by the audacious accusation. “Mr. Cruz, what you are suggesting is most interesting,” echoed conservative TV host Sean Patrick Hannity. “Can you share your insights with our eager to know the truth viewers?”

“Let’s start with the obvious,” said Cruz. “No one that weahtly and powerful dies at the young age of 79.”

“That’s true,” Hannity nodded.

“Secondly,” said the Cuban-Canadian, “Scalia was a true patriot and a pillar of conservative values. He was someone we trusted to vote as we told him to vote. If he had died on his own terms, or on ours, he would have timed his death differently. He would have waited until I become President.”

“True again,” said Hannity.

“And thirdly,” Cruz concluded, “The person responsible for such a death is typically the person who benefits most from the death. In the case of Justice Scalia, the person who benefits most is, without question, our so-called ‘president’. Whom I plan to replace soon by the way,” he added.

“The implications of what you are saying could be very serious,” cautioned Hannity. “Do you have any proof?”

“I can provide proof if needed,” said Cruz. “The guy who has been providing proof for the non-existence of Global Warming is already working on a story that half of Congress would buy without questioning.”

“Anything else you would like to share with our viewers, Mr. Cruz?” asked Hannity.

“Obama killed Scalia!” concluded Cruz, addressing the American people. “He should be impeached. When I become President, I plan to repeal his heinous act in my first day of office.”

“I will bring Scalia back,” he vowed. “That’s a promise!”

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Republican Presidential Candidates Successfully Find Their Podiums

Republican Presidential candidates have surely come a long way: from a group of confused, disoriented contenders, to a group that can more or less find its way to the debate podium.

Their pre-debate walk to the podium before the Tuesday New Hampshire Primary was not without some amount of challenge. Ben Carson, the candidate who no one quite understands how he had actually been a brain surgeon at some point, stood still on the side of the stage instead of walking to the podium as he had been expected to do when his name was called. Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz, the Cuban Canadian who for some reason still believes he might be eligible to run for President, triumphantly walked past Carson, declaring victory to his supporters. Donald Trump, encouraged by Cruz’ blazing rush, took strategic position next to Carson, ready to storm to the stage while the name of water drinking Marco Rubio was being called out. No one seemed to remember what the name of the last candidate was, until someone looked it up.

Still, in less than three minutes, a record time for that group, the seven presidential candidates successfully took their positions at the debate stage, ready to discuss issues even more important than podium positioning.

Watch video of debate entrance

“We are proud of them,” said Fox News anchor Chris Wallace, who is being paid to ensure that the only Republicans are elected to office. “If they can learn how to walk when their names are called out, they can learn anything. The sky is the limit.”

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Donald Trump Expands Wall Plans

Today, Republican Presidential Candidate Donald John Trump unveiled updated new plan for building walls that had become the centerpiece of his presidential platform. The new plan involves the immediate construction of a wall securing the U.S. border with Canada.

“We have underestimated the danger that Canadian immigrants pose to my country,” he said, emphasizing the possessive pronoun. “You open the border, and immediately some Cuban Canadian comes in and tries to steal my job.”

The urgency of the new plan was apparently due to what Trump referred to as “re-prioritization.” He gave no further explanation.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.