Sandoz Posed to Win Tour de France


Tour de France 2015 has seen some twists and turns, but hardly ever as big a surprise as the unexpected advancement of rookie contestant Sandoz International, who appears to be posed to win the prestigious race.

Sandoz International is a privately held pharmaceutical company, which entered the competition with its little known performance enhancing drug Dopenrefil, which has proven to be not only effective, but also utterly undetectable by the current testing methods employed by the Amaury Sport Organization, the official organizer of the contest.

Sandoz was followed closely by second runner up Pfizer, traditionally a leader in producing undetectable performance enhancing drugs. Pfizer trails behind Sandoz in at least one important criterion: ease of administration. Dozes of the drug are hard to administer precisely. A smaller than needed doze of its featured exogenous anabolic androgenic steroid Hardenoll fails to provide adequate doping for contestants to have a chance to win the race. Higher than needed dozes cause lasting erections that may require modified bicycle seats.

A remote third in the competition comes a one-time-only-winner Amgen. Amgen’s ergogenic aid product Uranusgloyn has been found to seep out of the contestants pores and rectums and become highly visible with its characteristic green-yellow radioactive glow.

A big fan of the contest, recently escaped Mexican drug lord Joaquin Guzman “El Chapo” has come out with the announcement that he might enter the race next year, expressing his frustration that research in drug detection has been gaining on research for new and undetectable performance enhancing drugs.

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News Sense News is a satirical fake news blog that aims to, well, make people laugh.