McConnell Discovers Missing Text in Constitution

Senate Majority Leader Addison Mitchell “Mitch” McConnell today announced that he has discovered provisions that had been hand-written in the original version of the U.S. Constitution drafted by the Founding Fathers. To his shock and amazement, these provisions have been (intentionally or unintentionally) omitted in later published versions of the Constitution, depriving the American people from applying the Constitution as it was originally intended.

The newly discovered provisions were listed in Article II, Section, 2, Clause 2, which is commonly known as the “Appointments Clause”.

The current published version of the Appointments Clause of the U.S. Constitution reads as follows:

He (the President) shall have the Power, by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, to make Treaties, provided two-thirds of the Senators present concur; and he shall nominate, and by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, shall appoint Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Councils, Judges of the supreme Court, and all other Officers of the United States, whose Appointments are not herein otherwise provided for, and which shall be established by Law: but the Congress may by Law vest the Appointment of such inferior Officers as they think proper, in the President alone, in the Courts of Law, or in the Heads of Departments.

Looking through “old, historic texts dating back to our founding fathers”, McConnell discovered small but critical differences in the text. Those differences, McConnell claims, are important to point out, since they were clearly the intent of the Founding Fathers.

The newly identified text reads as follows. (The small differences with current versions are highlighted to allow for easier interpretation.)

He (the President) shall have the Power, by and with the Advice and Consent of the NRA and the Senate, to make Treaties, provided the NRA and two-thirds of the Senators present concur; and he shall nominate, and by and with the Advice and Consent of the NRA and the Senate, shall appoint Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Councils, Judges of the supreme Court, and all other Officers of the United States, whose Appointments are not herein otherwise provided for, and which shall be established by Law: but the NRA and Congress may by Law vest the Appointment of such inferior Officers as they think proper, in the President alone, in the Courts of Law, or in the Heads of Departments.

 

McConnell has stated that he intends to do everything possible to ensure that this originally intended version of the U.S Constitution is the one used as the Law of the Land.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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CNN Hosts Semi-Final of America’s First Unattractive Male Pageant

On Tuesday, CNN hosted the semi-final of the first of its kind Unattractive Male Pageant. Three finalists stood out from the crowd of 17 initial contestants which have been competing for the title starting several months back.

The Unattractive Male Pageant is a concept derived from previously held Beauty Pageants, but, as the title suggests, the contestants compete based on criteria that are the exact opposite of those typical in Beauty Pageants. Candidates are expected to not only look their worst, but to also demonstrate lack of any discernible talents and empathy on any humanitarian issue.

Voting for which one of the three semi-finalists is the ugliest will continue over the next several months. Voters are taking into account not only how repulsive the contestant’s appearance is, but also how ugly and revolting their personalities are.

The goal of the Pageant is to crown the least attractive of all contestants as the Ugly King.

The contestants have done an excellent job of disgusting American audiences so far. The race is expected to be tight.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Also relevant:

Democrats Distracting Americans from Most Relevant Issues

On Friday, March 25, 2016, political analyst Chris Wallace of Fox News discussed the stark differences between the topics of discussion in Democratic vs Republican debates.

“Look,” he said, “Democratic debates are a sham, a distraction. Democrats keep bringing up irrelevant topics such as Education, Health Care and Global Warming.”

“Effectively,” he said, “Democrats are hoping to divert the attention of the American public from the most pertinent and urgent issues facing our country, namely, which Presidential candidate has a larger penis, and who has a prettier wife,” said Wallace.

“It is alarming,” he said, “that there are people in our country who are easily fooled by the Democratic political manipulations. It is our responsibility to ensure that Americans are focused on the issues that matter most.”

Wallace vowed, that Fox News will not betray Americans like other news networks do. Their coverage of the penis sizes of the candidates, and the looks of their wives will continue to keep Americans informed, so they can make the right choice on Election Day.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Also relevant:

Generous Donor Donates Brain to Ted Cruz

Too little, too late, lamented Canadian Cuban Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz, who is trailing by a significant margin to reality TV entertainer Donald John Trump in the race for the Republican nomination for the U.S. Presidency.

Cruz has been struggling to get the support needed for his campaign to take off. Republican donors, who had previously thrown their weight behind establishment candidate Jeb Bush, raising more than 130 million for his candidacy, had swiftly switched to supporting another failing candidate, Marco Rubio of Florida, after Bush failed to muster the interest to run for President. They have indicated that their next favorite candidate would be John Kasich, if or when Rubio decides to bow out of the race.

An unexpected donor surprised a disheartened Mr. Cruz. He did not offer money,  which would have been Mr. Cruz’ preference, since money would allow him to purchase votes. Republican votes currently sell at close to $3 per vote.

Instead, the donor, identified only by the name B. Carson, offered to donate what he called a “large, healthy brain, which Mr. Cruz might find useful.”

“No, not my brain,” laughed the mysterious Carson, careful not to reveal his identity. “My brain would be of no value to Mr. Cruz, who already has one like mine, and it hasn’t done him any good. I am offering a completely different brain,” he said.

He declined to give further details, as he feared what he referred to as “unwelcome questions and unintended consequences.”

Mr. Carson, who would not reveal his first name to protect his identity, is rumored to be a former brain surgeon, so, his offer is believed to be a genuine one.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Also relevant:

Miss South Carolina 2007 on Trump’s Recent Debate

Today, Miss South Carolina 2007, a staunch supporter of Republican Presidential nominee Donald James Trump threw her weight behind Trump’s most recent discussion of the size of his hands, and the implication of that size for the size of his penis, during a nationally televised Republican debate.

“I personally believe,” Miss South Carolina said in an astounding display of clarity uncharacteristic of her when discussing other topics, “that Mr. Trump has a medium sized [penis]. The strange thing about it is this one piece of hanging foreskin, but that is ok if he just wants to be President.”

Asked to clarify what she means, Ms. South Carolina simply replied: “U.S. Americans are able to do so, such as.”

Asked if she came to her conclusions based solely on the size of Mr. Trump’s hands, Miss South Carolina said “Yes. I personally believe that.”

She was invited to comment on other candidates in the Republican race.

“That Mexican guy from Florida,” she said, referring to the Cuban Marco Rubio. “He has really big ears. I haven’t seen his [penis],” she said, “but from his ears, I can tell it’s really big.”

She declined to comment whether or not that would qualify him as a better candidate than Trump, since the interview was getting too long.

See a video of her discussing other important world issues.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Also relevant:

 

Christie Defends Trump’s Mention of Penis

Christopher James “Chris” Christie, the former Republican presidential candidate who withdrew from the White House race in order to join rival Donald John Trump today defended Trump’s most recent discussion of his own manhood on national TV during the latest Republican debate.

“Look,” he said Christie, “comparing penises is the only way for Mr. Trump to successfully compete against Secretary Clinton. If we are going to win this election, we need to take the fight to a place where Mrs. Clinton would not be able to rival him.”

Christie confirmed that he fully stands behind Trump, literally and figuratively, on this and other developments in the Presidential race that are to come.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Also relevant: Miss South Carolina 2007 on Trump’s Recent Debate