U.S. Based Terrorist Organization Claims Responsibility for Attack

It did not take long for a terrorist organization to claim responsibility for the Las Vegas attack. U.S. based terrorist organization by the name of EN-AR-EI. (pronounced en-ar-ei) was quick to announce that the shooter was one of their own.

“One of our loyal soldiers, a brave lion, struck in the heart of the Liberal heaven of Nevada’s Democratic District 1,” said their statement. “We have punished the left-wing infidels, who take aim at our profits and our control of the U.S. Government.”

It is unusual for the EN-AR-EI to claim responsibility for attacks, even though they are, admittedly, largely responsible for most if not all of the gun-related terrorism in the United States. Their statement is an indication that they have been willing to evolve and learn from other terrorist organizations such as ISIS, who, even though more recent, has been using techniques such as using terror events they have committed for increased publicity and recruitment.

The EN-AR-EI, similarly to other terrorist groups, has a relatively clear agenda. Their goals, not in any particular order, are:

  • Money: Profit from selling as many and as deadly weapons as possible to U.S. citizens, non-U.S. citizens, visitors, random passers by, mentally unstable individuals, individuals with known criminal history or other terrorist organizations.
  • Control: Ensure that all Republicans, and some of the corruptible Democrats in Congress have been bribed generously so they would continue to support their cause as they have been doing so far.
  • Marketing: Opportunistically use acts of terror such as the Nevada massacre to instill fear in the hearts of Americans, which in turn can be used as means to sell more weapons under the false pretext that they can somehow be used for protection; a statement that has not been true for more than 99% of the gun related deaths.
  • Money: Yes, this one is worth stating a second time. It’s all about how much money they can make, how much money they can give to corrupted Congress members who would further support their cause, and how much money they can spend defending their goals of instilling fear in the hearts of Americans.

Intermediate goals that help their long term agenda have been:

  • Ensuring there is no control of any kind of who can buy deadly weapons.
  • Ensuring that there is no control how deadly of weapons individuals can own
  • Ensuring there are no background checks on the mental health or criminal history of individuals willing to spend money on weapons
  • Ensuring there is no information available on how many and how deadly weapons an individual possesses
  • Ensuring there is absolutely nothing that would prevent individuals from purchasing weapons as deadly as they wish, as many such weapons as they wish, with no checks and tracking of any kind, so that such individuals can, on their own decision, commit terrifying terrorist acts as means of advertising and marketing of more weapons.

The EN-AR-EI, though much more deadly than other terrorist organizations such as ISIS, enjoys several of very important advantages that put them ahead of their competition. They are a) legal, b) not officially listed as a terrorist organization yet, c) have the support of the U.S. Government, including all Republicans and some Democrats in Congress, and the current President of the United States himself.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to highlight, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Trump: Las Vegas Shooting is Act of Pure Evil

President Trump was quick to condemn the Las Vegas shooting on Monday morning.

“This was an act of pure evil,” he read carefully from his teleprompter in his official televised White House response to the Las Vegas massacre, watching for opportunities to go off script, which he could not find because of the vigilant watch of his staff.

Later in the day, when taking a deserved bathroom break, he provided more details.

“There is blame on both sides,” he tweeted before it was time for him to wipe. “I have no doubt about it, and you don’t have any doubt about it. And if you reported it accurately, you would say it.**”

“There were good people on both sides,” he clarified while still sitting on the throne of his locked bathroom, on the door of which there had been alarmed knocks by his staff, urging him to finish his bathroom business swiftly. “And bad people too. Very bad people.”

He was unable to tweet more, as his bathroom recreational trip was regrettably over and his cell phone was taken away for its daily “routine maintenance”, which typically lasts unknown number of hours, just enough to somehow prevent Mr. Trump from tweeting his mind before the aforementioned mind drifts off to something else.

** Exact quote from Mr. Trump’s response to the Charlottesville massacre.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to highlight, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

 

President Trump Donates Generously

Earlier on Sunday, 10/1, President Donald J. Trump announced a generous donation to the National Rifle Association (NRA) to help the relief efforts in disaster-stricken Puerto Rico.

“I have donated,” he announced, speaking from his golf club at Bedminster, New Jersey, where he had been enjoying a relaxing weekend, “lots of money to the one organization that will help contain the crime levels in Puerto Rico. There are bad, bad people there, folks. Bad people, taking advantage of the situation there.”

Earlier, in a different act of selfless generosity,  Mr. Trump had donated his golf trophy to the people of Puerto Rico.

The President expressed his sincere regret that he had been unable to tweet about his new donation, as his staff had quickly logged him off of his Twitter account on his cell phone, the only device which he is still able to carry unsupervised. It usually takes the President some time to re-log in his account, as this is a complex process.

Mr. Trump, who used public funds as the source for his recent donation to the NRA, had acted solely on his own goodwill, without consulting any of his advisors.

The NRA is President Trump’s preferred charity to which he not only gives, but from which he also frequently receives reciprocated contributions.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to highlight, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness.