Republican Presidential Candidates Successfully Find Their Podiums

Republican Presidential candidates have surely come a long way: from a group of confused, disoriented contenders, to a group that can more or less find its way to the debate podium.

Their pre-debate walk to the podium before the Tuesday New Hampshire Primary was not without some amount of challenge. Ben Carson, the candidate who no one quite understands how he had actually been a brain surgeon at some point, stood still on the side of the stage instead of walking to the podium as he had been expected to do when his name was called. Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz, the Cuban Canadian who for some reason still believes he might be eligible to run for President, triumphantly walked past Carson, declaring victory to his supporters. Donald Trump, encouraged by Cruz’ blazing rush, took strategic position next to Carson, ready to storm to the stage while the name of water drinking Marco Rubio was being called out. No one seemed to remember what the name of the last candidate was, until someone looked it up.

Still, in less than three minutes, a record time for that group, the seven presidential candidates successfully took their positions at the debate stage, ready to discuss issues even more important than podium positioning.

Watch video of debate entrance

“We are proud of them,” said Fox News anchor Chris Wallace, who is being paid to ensure that the only Republicans are elected to office. “If they can learn how to walk when their names are called out, they can learn anything. The sky is the limit.”

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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