On Wednesday, August 25th, retired football player Herschel Walker, also known for his participation in other sports such as bobsledding, sprinting and mixed martial arts, confirmed his plans to run for Senator of the state of Georgia.
Additionally, he has shared his future plans of becoming a heart surgeon, an astronaut, a fighter pilot and a nuclear physicist.
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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS. We aim to entertain as well as educate.
On Friday, September 18, 2020, an overjoyed Addison Mitchell “Mitch” McConnell could not hide his happiness and the news of the sudden death of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg (RBG) at the age of 87
“She died of cancer — CANCER!” he sang at the tune of Madonna’s “Fever”, waltzing around the ballroom of his mansion.
At the surprise of the small crowd of reporters who had gathered to air his reaction to the news, he did a cartwheel, and then stood up like a gymnast who has just completed his routine “Ta-daa!”
After calming down a bit, Mr. McConnell faced the cameras with a huge grin on his face.
“Call Trump,” he said. “Call him now! He knows whom to nominate — and — yes — Trump needs to pardon him first. He can’t rule from prison… — but — oh joy! — with some luck, I will be voting soon!”
He declined to elaborate who he was referring to. “Just in case,” he said. “I don’t want to spoil the surprise.”
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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS. Through exaggeration, we aim to entertain as well as educate readers about the true nature of our politicians.
On Tuesday, 4/16, former Presidential Candidate and Representative of Minnesota’s 6th District in the House of Representatives Michelle Marie Bachmann came out with the strongest so-far statement in support of current president and former reality TV star Donald John Trump in front of the “Understanding the Times” radio program of Right Wing Watch.
“He is highly biblical,” she said, “we will in all likelihood never see a more godly, biblical president again in our lifetime.”
Mrs. Bachmann further explained that she always known that, but had, in addition, more recently arrived again at that conclusion after carefully studying two reliable documents, which came, unsurprisingly to her, from the Department of Justice.
The first one was just a summary, a short 4 page document which gave a quick synopsis of the Bible intended to impart the overall sentiment of the Bible’s teachings.
The second one, a much more extensive one, is the Bible itself in its entirety, missing only a number of heavily redacted portions to protect relevant “third party” information.
Both the 4 page summary document and the redacted version of the Bible had been given to Mrs. Bachmann and created single-handedly by current U.S. Attorney General, William Pelham Barr.
Source: Trump is the most Godly, biblical president of our time (Right Wing Watch)
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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.
On Tuesday, August 21, news hit the airwaves that American attorney Michael Dean Cohen, who has worked devotedly and exclusively for one high-profile client since 2006, up to until one year after that client was made President of the United States, has gained the most unexpected benefit from the U.S. Government — a quaint, one-bedroom, modestly furnished apartment, in which he is cordially welcome to live rent-free for a period of 4-5 years, Fox News reported.
Mr. Cohen will, in addition, be entitled to several free meals a day, caringly delivered to him directly at his bedside for his enjoyment and convenience, as well as a free relaxed-fit suit in orange, which will be washed for him weekly at no expense, Fox further announced.
This exclusive story has only been shared on Fox News and Fox News only, the most fair and balanced, true and honest network ever.
Fox Warning: if you are to read any other news outlet, you might find that they all seem to have conspired to tell one and the same consistent lie about Michael Dean Cohen.
Fox News urges their readers to completely stop reading other news sources and trust only them, Fox News, because the rest of the press, all of them, who is, as the current president stated, an enemy of the people, publishes only of fake news.
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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.
On Thursday, June 21, Paul Davis Ryan Jr., the departing 54th Speaker of the United States House of Representatives, unexpectedly opened up, letting the world know that he has secretly and silently harbored principles that he had never previously shared with anyone, including those closest to him.
“That is right,” he confirmed. “The time has come for me to come clean. I cannot hide this any longer.”
It was not immediately clear what principles he was referring to, but more specifics, Ryan alluded, could be shared at some unspecified future time, when he was “ready”.
The sudden admission left his fellow politicians confused and upset. Ryan, already 48 years old, had been elected as a Speaker of the Republican-controlled House precisely for his obvious and outspoken lack of principles.
“Had we known this previously,” stated stone-faced Senate Majority Leader Addison Mitchell (“Mitch”) McConnell Jr., “we would clearly not have elected the double-faced liar to lead the House.”
Ryan’s wife, Janna Ryan, wept as she held their three children Samuel, Charles and Elizabeth.
“How could he do this to us?” she kept saying. “How could he? He seemed so perfectly heartless, so perfectly hypocritical. He had been acting a part all along.”
There are no words to express the shock and sadness of so many, who had admired Ryan for his lack of moral compass and even basic compassion. Only time would tell how those deep wounds would be healed.
Source: Paul Ryan Has Sacrificed the Rest of His Principles (Bloomberg)
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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.
Earlier this week, following Senator John McCain opposition of president Trumps CIA nominee Gina Haspel, White House aide Kelly Sadler took a lighthearted approach.
“He is dying anyway,” she joked* (see source).
A good number of White House employees exploded in laughter at her witty humor.
White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders could barely speak from her giggles as tears streamed from her eyes.
“And he… he…” she kept saying, trying to build on Sadler’s joke, “he is in a lot of pain! He is going to die in pain!” She was holding on her stomach, bent over from her laughing fit.
President Trump brushed aside at the general uplifted spirit on his staff.
“They are just having fun!” he said. “They work very, very hard every day. They deserve to have some time to laugh and enjoy the terrific news about that captured loser John McCain, who won’t be around for too much longer.”
The White House, Trump said, has been in a constant state of laughter ever since he was elected President.
*Source: White House Aide Jokes About Dying McCain (CNN)
Source: White House Refuses to Apologize for Kelly Sadler Joke about McCain (NY Times)
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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.
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Author’s note: Satire can showcase human follies, but nothing, NOTHING can do justice in showcasing the sickness and degradation of this administration. Mr. McCain, you are a hero, Sir. You are what makes America great.
Early on Monday, May 7, U.S. Senator John Sidney McCain re-iterated his earlier statement that he, personally, would not want current president Donald J. Trump attending his funeral (see NBC News Article below) .
“This is a situation that I find unacceptable on multiple levels,” said McCain.
His preference, McCain confirmed, as well as the preference of more than 65% of all Americans, would be that he, John McCain, attends Trump’s funeral instead.
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Source: McCain Does Not Want Trump at Funeral (NBC News)
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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to provide entertainment. It is often, as in this case, inspired by very, very real news.
Recent news had suggested that president Donald J. Trump is having a difficult time finding talented American lawyers to represent him in various matters related to his life before and after he was elected president.
Today, Mr. Trump let us know via a tweet that this is a “vicious lie” and “fabrication” made up by the “fake news media”, a term he frequently uses to refer to anyone who is not Fox News.
Specifically, Mr. Trump pointed to two top American lawyers who will be representing him as follows.
American lawyer Genadiy “Jay” Sekulow will be representing president Trump with any matter related to Russia. This includes matters related to Mueller’s Russia Probe, as well as other unspecified “private” matters that are, according to Mr. Trump, “of personal nature”. Mr. Sekulow will be working closely with several other not very well-known but otherwise very talented American lawyers such as Dmitriy “Dale” Poddelkin, Igor “Irwin” Ljetzov and Natasha “Nancy” Pokrivalova.
Recent addition to Donald Trump’s legal team is American politician and lawyer Roberto “Rudy” Giuliani. On the books, Giuliani will be handling a variety of legal issues for Mr. Trump. In reality, however, he had been hired to deal with some unspecified “business” related to “taxes” and “friends” that Mr. Trump has been having dealing with in a small Mediterranean country. Mr. Giuliani’s counsel includes American lawyers Marco “Mitch” Crimini, Angelo “Andy” Nasconde, and Luka “Larry” Teppista.
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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness.
On Friday, 9/30/16, Senate Majority Leader and United States Senator from Kentucky Addison Mitchell “Mitch” McConnell found an unexpected piece of excrement in the seat of his pants. The piece had presumably appeared there the day before during his participation in one of the increasingly infrequent sessions of the United States Senate.
“I have no idea how it got there,” Mr. McConnell was quoted stating. “I mean, I did what I usually do in these sessions. Usually, what I produce is placed in the seat of other people’s pants. But this time, this didn’t happen. It’s disgusting, really.”
While Mr. McConnell feels “strange” about what happened, he is clear and obvious to him who is to blame.
“There is no doubt in my mind that this was Obama’s doing,” said McConnell. “Not a shred of doubt,” he stated with his characteristic long-faced stare. “Obama is the one who shat in my pants.”
Source: Senators Blame Obama for Not Helping Them Understand Their Own Bill
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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.
Zbinek Gjdanovski, a national of the Republic of Poland, was just looking for a restroom when he walked into the Royal Payne hotel in Manhattan, NYC. He walked past the concierge, where a small line of men dressed in dark business suits had lined up patiently. He walked past the dark, green marble reception desk, where a busy receptionist was chatting away on the phone with a professional expression on his clean shaven face. Finally, he turned a corner and walked into what he believed would be a restroom.
He found himself in a luxurious, posh decorated hotel room, with its heavy, plush crimson curtains drawn shut. The only light came from a small, red bed lamp with hanging golden macramé, which reflected in the mirrored ceiling.
On the heavy mahogany bed, naked, lay the current Republican Presidential Nominee Donald John Trump and the current Democratic Presidential Nominee Hillary Clinton. They were tied by the wrists with soft, velvet ropes, facing each other, on opposing headboards.
The two Presidential Candidates were slightly surprised by the visitor, and asked if he were by any chance Ruby Cream, the dressed-as-a-male lady they had both been expecting. Finding that Zbinek was just a random walk-in, the two hastily asked if he would be interested in getting $15,000 for a short game of “Follow My Presidential Orders”. When Mr. Gjdanovski politely declined, the two commanded him to leave and keep his mouth shut or else “the Second Amendement People” would take care of him. The latter statement came from Mr. Trump.
Correction: Our writing staff just found out that the word “poll”, spelled “p-o-l-l”, in the title, actually refers to a questionnaire sent out to potential voters, and not, as they initially assumed, to a citizen of Polish nationality, which would have been spelled “P-o-l-e”. There was a similar misunderstanding of the term “tied”. News Sense News is therefore withdrawing this story and apologizing for any inadvertent misunderstanding it may have caused.
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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness. As is the case for this post, it is frequently based on real news.
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Post Correction:
Due to the correction above, our team has been unable to share the alleged photo of this alleged occurrence, now found to be due to simple title misunderstanding. Had this misunderstanding not taken place, we would have shared the following photo with you to illustrate what Mr. Gjdanovski encountered when he mistakenly entered this unexpected hotel room.
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