Ted Cruz: Planned Parenthood Shooting is a Leftist Plot Against My Nomination

GOP Presidential Candidate Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz strongly condemned the mass shooting at a Planned Parenthood location in Colorado Springs on Friday, 10/27, as a “leftist plot against [his presidential] nomination”.

“The goal was to steal my thunder and impact my run for President,” said Cruz, who, for some reason still believes that he is eligible for the nomination despite the fact that he is born in Canada.

We were unclear why Mr. Cruz labeled the shooter “leftist”, since he held  conservative views, believed in the Bible, and expressed un-hidden hatred to current Democratic President Barrack Obama.

“This was just a front,” said Cruz. “A guise, behind which this Marxist operated to try to hide his true identity.”

Cruz based his proof on the unconfirmed rumor that the shooter had apparently registered to vote as female, a mistake he could have easily made by checking the wrong box.

“[The shooter] was hiding his true identity as a woman,” said Cruz, cringing at the word as he usually does when he talks about women. “In the same exact way, he was hiding his left-wing beliefs, pretending to fight for a right-wing cause.”

We were unclear as to why the shooter would have committed his violent act if he really professed left-wing beliefs, which are based on equality, tolerance and choice.

“I already told you,” said Cruz, annoyed that he had to repeat himself. “He was trying to affect my rise to the Presidency. I will be the one to destroy Planned Parenthood, not him.”

Our journalistic crew held a long discussion after the interview, but could not figure out the logic of Mr. Cruz.

Source: http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2015/11/29/3726311/ted-cruz-planned-parenthood-shooting-transgendered/

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News Sense News is a satirical fake news blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.


Should Colorado Consider Labeling Pot-Free Foods?


Growing number of food companies in Colorado have started to consider labeling foods that are pot-free.

“It’s rare, but it happens,” said convenience store owner Grecko Tizialis from Denver, CO. “Every now and then, a customer would walk in and ask if we have any items in our store that are pot-free.”

“To be honest, we didn’t know. We didn’t think we had any, but when we conducted an inventory check – would you believe it? We actually found at least 9 pot-free items! Go figure!”

“We want to please all our customers,” said Tizialis. “It may be one person per month who, for some odd reason, might want to purchase a pot-free food item. We may not quite understand why someone would want that, it doesn’t really make any sense, but we still want to be able to meet that customer’s demand, so that they also leave the store happy.”

“Well, as happy as they could be with pot-free food anyway,” he added.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog. Not everything you read in here is true, but if it makes you laugh, or it makes you think, it’s well worth it.