Trump Acknowledges Melania

In a rare indication of how deeply caring and attentive current U.S. president Donald J. Trump is as it comes to his third and most current wife Melania Vladimirovich Knauss Trump, Mr. Trump let out an unexpected lament as he spoke to victims of Hurricane Irma during his visit of Fort Myers, Florida.

“I just want to thank everybody, the first responders, on behalf of myself, our Vice President—Melania really wanted to be with us,**” he told the tiny crowd, as his wife Melania stood right next to him, slightly to the left, and wearing a white baseball cap.

The president had gone to Fort Myers as part of his weekly golfing schedule, and his thoughtful and considerate Vice President Michael Richard “Mike” Pence had hastily arranged for a small hired crowd to gather and meet Mr. Trump for a paid photo op.

An unnamed source had informed us that Melania had gently and lovingly addressed her husband after his improvised speech and reminded him of her presence there.

“You look familiar,” the source quotes the President’s response to his wife. “You must be one of my big fans.”

A different unnamed source had then witnessed the Vice President pull Trump to the side and remind him that the person who had just talked to him is his wife.

“Melanoma knows she is my wife,” the President had responded. “My lawyers have told her that many times.”

“Let’s make America great again, Volodya,” Trump had told his V.P., changing the topic and calling Mr. Pence an unfamiliar nickname. “Let’s make sure my approval rating goes above 100%.”

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** Indicates real quote. Source: Trump Forgets Melania Standing Right Next to Him

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news.

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Manafort Charged, the Details

Monday morning started with some unusual news, Fox News reported. Paul John Manafort Jr., the well known campaign manager of the campaign of now President Donald J. Trump, had been charged with some minor violations.

“Parking Near a Fire Hydrant, Other Charges**”, reported Fox in order of seriousness of the violations.

Mr. Manafort, who, as a lawyer, has been known to be absolutely perfect in following and respecting the laws to the letter, whether they are Federal, State or even just neighborhood laws. Fox News expressed their genuine surprise that Mr. Manafort would ever do anything as serious as parking incorrectly. They, as well as all their sponsors, have spent the morning scratching their heads to find an explanation.

“We are still looking for answers,” said Fox News talk show host Sean Patrick Hannity, who is known to be the most fair and unbiased of all talk show hosts in the entire history of the news industry. “I know it, deep inside my heart, just as I know that there is no such thing as Global Warming, that Mr. Manafort is innocent. There has got to be a good explanation why he parked incorrectly. If, indeed he did,” he added. “This may all be one big left-wing conspiracy.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news, which we make sure we clearly point out.

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Author’s Note: This article aims to ridicule the blatantly misleading headline that Fox News published on their front page on Monday Morning: “Manafort Charged with Money Laundering, Other Charges”

** “Other Charges” included the charge of Conspiracy Against the U.S.

Eric Trump: Dad Already Apologized to Khan

On Tuesday, 8/2, Eric Trump, the son of Republican presidential nominee Donald John Trump, shared with reporters that his dad had already apologized to the grieving Gold Star family of Khizr Khan, whom Trump had insulted over their impassioned speech in support of his rival Hillary Rodham Clinton.

“He did,” confirmed Eric Trump with the same conviction and certainty as his father. “He offered Mr. Khan a public apology.” (see CNN source article below).

Trump, of course, has not.

“My dad also already released his tax returns,” continued the younger Trump in a manner that very much resembled that of his father. “They are already out there, publicly available,” he said, looking at the camera without blinking.

They, of course, are not.

“My father never said that Russia should have their hackers look for Hillary Clinton’s emails,” continued his statement the younger Trump, emphasizing the word never. “He also never said that Mexicans are rapists, or that a Latino judge is disqualified to judge him because he is a Latino,” he said, despite videos of his father making exactly these statements, broadcast by most major outlets in the country.

“He was never endorsed by the KKK leader David Duke, or by the Russian President Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, or by the North Korean leader Kim Jong-un,” declared further Trump’s son, despite the fact that his father has received exactly those endorsements.

“And finally, he has never, ever mentioned that he will be building a wall on the Mexican border,” said the younger Trump.

“Never,” he repeated.

Fox News published the entire interview to ensure Republican voters are aware of the truth about Donald Trump. All other news outlets, Fox stated, every single one of them, all over the world, in U.S. and internationally, without any exception, are making up lies to make the candidate they have been paid to promote appear unfit for the U.S. Presidency.

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Source (CNN): Eric Trump: Dad Already Apologized to Khan

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness. As is the case for this post, it is frequently based on real news, and not that far from it.

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Also relevant: North Korea Endorses Donald Trump for President

Death of Boris Nemtsov Ruled a Suicide

Boris_Nemtsov

Photo by Yuri Kochetkov / European Pressphoto Agency

In a surprising new announcement, the special task force assembled by Russian President Vladimir Putin to investigate the untimely death of the prominent opposition leader and outspoken Putin critic Boris Nemtsov revealed today that Nemtsov’s death was a suicide.

“We’ve looked at all angles,” said Mr. Putin’s spokesman Dmitry Peskov. “We’ve reviewed surveillance camera footage, telephone records, actual telephone conversations, personal emails, church confessions, and electro-encephalograms of dreams while Mr. Nemtsov was asleep. It all points to one conclusion. Mr. Nemtsov, unfortunately, put an end to his own life.”

Initial rumors had been that there had been gunmen, who shot Mr. Nemtsov four times in the back.

“Well, there are always rumors and conspiracy theories when a prominent politician with dangerous ideas dies,” admitted Peskov. “Still, the evidence is what it is,” he said.

We inquired for further details.

“Mr. Nemtsov was shot with a Makarov pistol which was registered to him,” said Peskov. “True, the actual registration was indeed done late and, due to bureaucratic delays, actually went through only after his death. Still, the weapon was his, and it only had his own fingerprints on it.”

“The murder weapon was found only a few meters away from his body, in a location, where it would logically bounce off the pavement after Mr. Nemtsov fired four shots into his own back.”

Is there any explanation on possible motivation?

“We believe that the suicide was politically motivated,” stated Peskin. “Mr. Nemtsov had been a staunch opponent of our great irreplaceable leader Mr. Putin, and he likely intended to cause doubt, suspicion and unrest among the citizens of our country, ultimately aiming to undermine Mr. Putin’s un-undermineable authority.”

He cautioned to anyone, Russians, Americans, and other nationalities alike, to exercise caution in passing judgment.

“Rumors that this may have been anything other than suicide are dangerous ideas,” he said. “We don’t want anyone else killing themselves over expressing, or even entertaining such ideas in their thoughts.”

Mr. Putin personally expressed regret over the loss of such a charismatic enemy, but said that the investigation is now closed and no one ever again would have to look into it or question its authenticity.

News Sense News

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News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims to criticize and ridicule ignorance and narrow-mindedness.