The Truth About Papadopoulos

Following the revelation that one of President Trump’s campaign aides has admitted to lying to the FBI when initially questioned in FBI’s Russia Collusion probe, president Trump was quick to jump in and condemn the unethical behavior.

“He is a liar,” said President Trump on Tuesday. “He lied about lying to the FBI.”

“First,” explained Trump, “he was supposed to lie when he was questioned. That’s what liars do. They lie. They don’t tell the truth. We expected him to lie. We relied on him to lie. He told us he would lie. So we told him a lie.”

“But,” said Trump, “he was an even bigger liar than we anticipated. He lied to us that he would lie to the FBI. Instead, he told them the truth, which was ok, because that was my truth, and the truth of Fox New and their sponsors, but mostly mine.”

“And then,” said Trump, “he turned around, and lied to the FBI that he lied to them the first time.”

“He is a liar,” repeated Trump in conclusion. “Liars cannot be believed, especially when they say something against me.”

“Hillary Clinton colluded with Russia,” he said. “Everyone knows that.”

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news.

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Manafort Charged, the Details

Monday morning started with some unusual news, Fox News reported. Paul John Manafort Jr., the well known campaign manager of the campaign of now President Donald J. Trump, had been charged with some minor violations.

“Parking Near a Fire Hydrant, Other Charges**”, reported Fox in order of seriousness of the violations.

Mr. Manafort, who, as a lawyer, has been known to be absolutely perfect in following and respecting the laws to the letter, whether they are Federal, State or even just neighborhood laws. Fox News expressed their genuine surprise that Mr. Manafort would ever do anything as serious as parking incorrectly. They, as well as all their sponsors, have spent the morning scratching their heads to find an explanation.

“We are still looking for answers,” said Fox News talk show host Sean Patrick Hannity, who is known to be the most fair and unbiased of all talk show hosts in the entire history of the news industry. “I know it, deep inside my heart, just as I know that there is no such thing as Global Warming, that Mr. Manafort is innocent. There has got to be a good explanation why he parked incorrectly. If, indeed he did,” he added. “This may all be one big left-wing conspiracy.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news, which we make sure we clearly point out.

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Author’s Note: This article aims to ridicule the blatantly misleading headline that Fox News published on their front page on Monday Morning: “Manafort Charged with Money Laundering, Other Charges”

** “Other Charges” included the charge of Conspiracy Against the U.S.

Mueller Facing New Pressure to Resign

Senate Republicans have renewed their call for FBI special counsel Robert Mueller to resign after new emerging evidence has surfaced that his investigation of the collusion that the current U.S. administration had committed with the Russian government in order to get themselves elected may have started to get results.

“We can’t have him uncover the truth,” stated Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell. “The American People don’t want that to happen. We will work hard to make sure that this will not happen.”

He shared that he had been hoping that Mr. Mueller would have the desired incompetence to not be able to move this investigation forward, or, alternatively, the decency and integrity to stall, undermine and ultimately prevent this investigation, so that the treason committed by the current administration remains covered up.

President Trump also joined the renewed attack on Mueller.

“There is nothing to uncover,” he stated on national television. “So, why is he uncovering it? He should resign.”

He added that he has been looking into ways to fire Mueller, just like he fired former FBI director James Comey, who had also been working on uncovering the treason of Trump’s administration, but other government officials, including some of his own party, have not been allowing that to happen.

“It’s a rigged system,” he told the American people. “My own party is sabotaging me. Sad. They don’t care if I go to prison for my crimes.”

“I should fire him,” he added. “I should fire all of them. And then I’ll pardon myself. I’m working on that.”

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news, which we make sure we clearly point out.

Death of Boris Nemtsov Ruled a Suicide

Boris_Nemtsov

Photo by Yuri Kochetkov / European Pressphoto Agency

In a surprising new announcement, the special task force assembled by Russian President Vladimir Putin to investigate the untimely death of the prominent opposition leader and outspoken Putin critic Boris Nemtsov revealed today that Nemtsov’s death was a suicide.

“We’ve looked at all angles,” said Mr. Putin’s spokesman Dmitry Peskov. “We’ve reviewed surveillance camera footage, telephone records, actual telephone conversations, personal emails, church confessions, and electro-encephalograms of dreams while Mr. Nemtsov was asleep. It all points to one conclusion. Mr. Nemtsov, unfortunately, put an end to his own life.”

Initial rumors had been that there had been gunmen, who shot Mr. Nemtsov four times in the back.

“Well, there are always rumors and conspiracy theories when a prominent politician with dangerous ideas dies,” admitted Peskov. “Still, the evidence is what it is,” he said.

We inquired for further details.

“Mr. Nemtsov was shot with a Makarov pistol which was registered to him,” said Peskov. “True, the actual registration was indeed done late and, due to bureaucratic delays, actually went through only after his death. Still, the weapon was his, and it only had his own fingerprints on it.”

“The murder weapon was found only a few meters away from his body, in a location, where it would logically bounce off the pavement after Mr. Nemtsov fired four shots into his own back.”

Is there any explanation on possible motivation?

“We believe that the suicide was politically motivated,” stated Peskin. “Mr. Nemtsov had been a staunch opponent of our great irreplaceable leader Mr. Putin, and he likely intended to cause doubt, suspicion and unrest among the citizens of our country, ultimately aiming to undermine Mr. Putin’s un-undermineable authority.”

He cautioned to anyone, Russians, Americans, and other nationalities alike, to exercise caution in passing judgment.

“Rumors that this may have been anything other than suicide are dangerous ideas,” he said. “We don’t want anyone else killing themselves over expressing, or even entertaining such ideas in their thoughts.”

Mr. Putin personally expressed regret over the loss of such a charismatic enemy, but said that the investigation is now closed and no one ever again would have to look into it or question its authenticity.

News Sense News

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News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims to criticize and ridicule ignorance and narrow-mindedness.