Trump Acknowledges Melania

In a rare indication of how deeply caring and attentive current U.S. president Donald J. Trump is as it comes to his third and most current wife Melania Vladimirovich Knauss Trump, Mr. Trump let out an unexpected lament as he spoke to victims of Hurricane Irma during his visit of Fort Myers, Florida.

“I just want to thank everybody, the first responders, on behalf of myself, our Vice President—Melania really wanted to be with us,**” he told the tiny crowd, as his wife Melania stood right next to him, slightly to the left, and wearing a white baseball cap.

The president had gone to Fort Myers as part of his weekly golfing schedule, and his thoughtful and considerate Vice President Michael Richard “Mike” Pence had hastily arranged for a small hired crowd to gather and meet Mr. Trump for a paid photo op.

An unnamed source had informed us that Melania had gently and lovingly addressed her husband after his improvised speech and reminded him of her presence there.

“You look familiar,” the source quotes the President’s response to his wife. “You must be one of my big fans.”

A different unnamed source had then witnessed the Vice President pull Trump to the side and remind him that the person who had just talked to him is his wife.

“Melanoma knows she is my wife,” the President had responded. “My lawyers have told her that many times.”

“Let’s make America great again, Volodya,” Trump had told his V.P., changing the topic and calling Mr. Pence an unfamiliar nickname. “Let’s make sure my approval rating goes above 100%.”

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** Indicates real quote. Source: Trump Forgets Melania Standing Right Next to Him

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news.

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Meteorologists Promise to be Done with Winter by March

New_York_Temperatures

Let’s face it: winter was late this year in the North East United States. Meteorologists from the Weather Channel would be the first to admit that they missed deadlines, causing disappointment among residents and visitors alike.

“We didn’t have a white Christmas,” complained New York resident Dolf Petersen. “The ski slopes have fake snow. The Weather Channel really screwed up this year.”

Weather Channel CEO David Kenny stood somber in front of our cameras.

“Indeed, there have been inefficiencies in the company,” he admitted. “However, we have invested in new systems and gone through a comprehensive re-org. We are confident that we will be back on track offering timely weather to residents this year.”

“Currently, we are compensating for the earlier misses,” he continued. “We are packing all the freezing temperatures that should have been in December into January, in addition to the cold that was slated for this month . We will do our best to spread the snow over January and February, but, since we have catching up to do, we may need to have a lot of it at the same time. Mid-Jan we are planning a large blizzard.”

“We will work the polar vortex if we have to, but I promise you, we are putting this company back on schedule. Most importantly,” he said, “you have my commitment. Spring will start on March 21st, as planned.”

The company’s stock went through a modest surge, but was mostly flat in late day trading, as investors channeled their skepticism on the ability of Weather.com to deliver. We, however, are confident in the promise. If you can’t trust weather people, who would you trust?

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News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims to, well, make fun of things.