Wormhole in Space Allows for Glimpse of Future Boehner

Boehner_Crying

The discovery of wormhole A2427 surprised scientists and politicians alike since such objects were believed to exist only in Science Fiction. But what was even more surprising is the information that this wormhole was able to provide. A probe sent through and then brought back was found to contain the first and only glimpse into an event in the relatively distant future.

That event was an inquiry being filed by the then former U.S. Speaker of the House John Andrew Boehner in the year of 2048. In the unprecedented recording from the future, a 99 years old Boehner, suspended on life support in Seidel Memorial Hospital, was filing his 76th investigation into the U.S. Government actions in Benghazi, having failed to find any wrongdoings by the Obama administration in the previous 75 inquiries.

“I know I’ll find something. I know there is something,” he kept repeating to himself.

His 75 years old spouse Debbie Boehner sitting next to his bed just shook her head.

“He’s been repeating this for the last 30 years,” she said. “That’s the only thing he’s been saying, the poor man. Deep inside, somewhere, he believes he is right.”

Reconstructing events that may have led to the condition of Mr. Boehner, scientists believe that somewhere around 2018, Mr. Boehner came home greatly distressed after his 4th inquiry into Benghazi had yet again found no fault in the actions of the Obama Government. He had gone to sleep that night, and woken up with one goal in mind – he would dedicate his life to finding some, however immaterial fault that he could then cling on to and cherish.

Year after year, he had appointed numerous committees. He had gone from bipartisan, to fully Republican, to just Ku Klux Klan, to exclusively Nazi, to Tea Party, in an escalating order of desperation, and none of these committees were able to find anything he had hoped for.

And all that time, he had just been repeating:

“I know I’ll find something. I know there is something.”

“We are grateful for one thing though,” whispered quietly Mrs. Boehner with tears in her eyes. “Thank God for the Affordable Care Act, which paid for my husband’s not exactly affordable medical expenses!”

And that’s where the recorded video faded, and the probe sent into wormhole A2427 turned back and traveled back to the present.