Ted Cruz: Obama Responsible for Scalia’s Death

There is a reason why an autopsy would not be performed on the late Associate Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court Antonin Gregory Scalia, who died unexpectedly in Texas on February 12, 2016. At least one of the Republican Presidential hopefuls, the Cuban-Canadian Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz, claims to know the answers regarding his death, which many have been trying to find.

“If an autopsy were performed, it would reveal the truth, which has been suppressed to mislead the American people,” Mr. Cruz stated on Fox News on President’s Day.

Prompted to share what he knows, Cruz looked directly into the camera and said. “Scalia died because of Obama. His death at this convenient for Obama time was no accident.”

Fox News was intrigued by the audacious accusation. “Mr. Cruz, what you are suggesting is most interesting,” echoed conservative TV host Sean Patrick Hannity. “Can you share your insights with our eager to know the truth viewers?”

“Let’s start with the obvious,” said Cruz. “No one that weahtly and powerful dies at the young age of 79.”

“That’s true,” Hannity nodded.

“Secondly,” said the Cuban-Canadian, “Scalia was a true patriot and a pillar of conservative values. He was someone we trusted to vote as we told him to vote. If he had died on his own terms, or on ours, he would have timed his death differently. He would have waited until I become President.”

“True again,” said Hannity.

“And thirdly,” Cruz concluded, “The person responsible for such a death is typically the person who benefits most from the death. In the case of Justice Scalia, the person who benefits most is, without question, our so-called ‘president’. Whom I plan to replace soon by the way,” he added.

“The implications of what you are saying could be very serious,” cautioned Hannity. “Do you have any proof?”

“I can provide proof if needed,” said Cruz. “The guy who has been providing proof for the non-existence of Global Warming is already working on a story that half of Congress would buy without questioning.”

“Anything else you would like to share with our viewers, Mr. Cruz?” asked Hannity.

“Obama killed Scalia!” concluded Cruz, addressing the American people. “He should be impeached. When I become President, I plan to repeal his heinous act in my first day of office.”

“I will bring Scalia back,” he vowed. “That’s a promise!”

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Ted Cruz: Planned Parenthood Shooting is a Leftist Plot Against My Nomination

GOP Presidential Candidate Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz strongly condemned the mass shooting at a Planned Parenthood location in Colorado Springs on Friday, 10/27, as a “leftist plot against [his presidential] nomination”.

“The goal was to steal my thunder and impact my run for President,” said Cruz, who, for some reason still believes that he is eligible for the nomination despite the fact that he is born in Canada.

We were unclear why Mr. Cruz labeled the shooter “leftist”, since he held  conservative views, believed in the Bible, and expressed un-hidden hatred to current Democratic President Barrack Obama.

“This was just a front,” said Cruz. “A guise, behind which this Marxist operated to try to hide his true identity.”

Cruz based his proof on the unconfirmed rumor that the shooter had apparently registered to vote as female, a mistake he could have easily made by checking the wrong box.

“[The shooter] was hiding his true identity as a woman,” said Cruz, cringing at the word as he usually does when he talks about women. “In the same exact way, he was hiding his left-wing beliefs, pretending to fight for a right-wing cause.”

We were unclear as to why the shooter would have committed his violent act if he really professed left-wing beliefs, which are based on equality, tolerance and choice.

“I already told you,” said Cruz, annoyed that he had to repeat himself. “He was trying to affect my rise to the Presidency. I will be the one to destroy Planned Parenthood, not him.”

Our journalistic crew held a long discussion after the interview, but could not figure out the logic of Mr. Cruz.

Source: http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2015/11/29/3726311/ted-cruz-planned-parenthood-shooting-transgendered/

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News Sense News is a satirical fake news blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.