Execution of accused serial killer Earl (Ripper) Griffin was cancelled in the early hours on Monday when Earl’s credit card got declined.
“Thank God we noticed on time,” said warden Michael Bell. “Imagine we’d gone ahead and ended Mr. Griffin’s life without anyone being able to cover the cost of the execution! This would seriously impact the prison’s bottom line for the year.”
It is unusual for death row inmates to use credit cards to pay for their execution. Typical executions are cash only. In Mr. Griffin’s case, however, an exception was made due to good behavior over the past 45 years. During this time, Mr. Griffin had worked hard, established a good credit history, and even paid off his 30-year mortgage on his jail cell.
“I had planned to have everything in place to pay for my execution with a credit card,” he said. “I had even setup the automated payment for my last balance from my online bank, where my life-sentence savings are held. Still, you never know what life will serve you. In the last moment, something with my credit card went wrong.”
Mr. Griffin’s credit card had been in good standing up to what was scheduled to be his very last day on Earth. But on the day before his planned execution, Mr. Griffin had made several large purchases: oak electric chair from Jordan’s Furniture, a casket, mortician service, flowers. Due to these unexpected fees that did not fit Mr. Griffin’s regular spending pattern, his credit card’s automated fraud detection program had temporarily blocked usage to ensure that Mr. Griffin’s credit card was not stolen.
The result had been disastrous. Mr. Griffin’s scheduled execution had been cancelled, and, according to protocol, he has to re-apply for it again and wait for his application to be processed by the increasingly bureaucratic penitentiary system. This process could take up to 10 years.
News Sense News is a satirical blog that likes to, well, make fun of things.