Trump: Obama is the Most Ignorant President

“Obama is the most ignorant President the U.S. has ever had,” said Republican Presidential Nominee Donald John Trump today, pointing out that the difference is quite apparent when Obama is compared to presidents like George Bush, George W. Bush, or the should-have-been-president Dan Quayle.

“Kenny Baker is the tallest person who ever lived,” continued Trump, referring to the famous actor who acted R2D2 in the legendary Star Wars saga. “Trust me, folks, trust me. No one as tall as him has ever existed on Earth.”

“Similarly, Muhammad Ali is the worst boxer of all time,” stated Trump. “He was terrible. Awful. Everyone knows that. He should never have been a boxer.”

“Finally, Albert Einstein is the stupidest person who ever lived,” said Trump. “It’s amazing how stupid he was, folks, really amazing.” He pointed out that unless someone is of comparable intelligence to the ‘90’s cartoon characters Beavis and Butthead, who have been his own inspiration, Trump would not consider that person worth mentioning on the intelligence scale.

Fox News has touted that the comments above are the most insightful comments ever made by a Presidential candidate.

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Source: Trump States Obama is the Most Ignorant President in U.S. History

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Trump’s Speech: A Very Successful Translation

Translators around the world unanimously agreed that the acceptance speech Donald John Trump gave in the Republican National Convention to formally accept the role of the Republican Presidential Nominee was a really good translation of the original.

“They did a great job,” said translator Fernando Abdul, a Mexican from a middle Eastern descent who translates books of famous authors for a living. Abdul was not asked to participate in the translation for Trump’s speech, because he only spoke Spanish and Arabic in addition to English, and because of what the Trump Campaign called ‘other reasons’.

To fully appreciate the accomplishment of the translators, one has to compare the translated version to the original speech delivered in 1939, both in terms of accuracy, as well as in spirit and historical context, so the well-struck balance between the two can be appreciated.

The Trump Campaign, which believes strongly in re-use of already delivered speeches, as his wife Melania Trump demonstrated during the Republican Convention, admitted that the work was not done by a single translator, and that it took significant initial planning. First, the exact modifications needed to the original speech had been discussed in detail, so the speech matched the present decade and occasion. Then, an entire team of translators worked together to deliver what they called ‘The Final Solution’.

The tagline of the original speech, “Deutschland Uber Alles,” had been initially translated from its original German to the almost literal “America First.” This version was, however, discarded later for the intentionally longer tagline “Make America Great Again,” because of Trump’s own insistence on longer and larger sized campaign slogans.

The result of the well-done translation was the well-balanced and well-executed speech Trump delivered in the Republican National Convention, which had successfully convinced Trump supporters that if America has to follow the footsteps of pre-war Germany, there is only one candidate they should be voting for.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Analysis: Ted Finally Gets it Right!

Republican National Convention 2016 in Cleveland, OH, could one day be viewed as a turning point in the career of U.S. Senator and former Republican Presidential candidate Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz.

It is during this convention when Cruz, being one of the few speakers outside of Donald Trump’s immediate family whom Republicans had been able to convince to give a speech, apparently made his first ever accurate and politically insightful statement.

“Vote your conscience!” said Cruz in an uncharacteristic bout of lucidity and vision.

Political Analyst and NSN reporter Jerald Lindgren was the first one to notice the unexpected event.

“Amazing, amazing!” he tweeted shortly after the statement, not being able to contain his excitement. “Cruz. No one expected! So soon! Turning point!”

It is unclear whether Cruz was aware of the uncharacteristic depth of what he had just said, or whether the spontaneous statement had come as a surprise to him too. He has, after all, been in Politics for more than 17 years. It is possible that all these years of experience had finally rewarded him, resulting in his first ever true statement. But then again, it is also possible that his statement had been pure luck of the moment.

Irrespective, in a Convention dominated by anger, paranoia and lies, Mr. Cruz’ statement stands as a lone beacon of truth and sanity.

Congratulations to Mr. Ted Cruz for being, for the first time ever, right!

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness. As is the case for this post, it is frequently based on real news, and not that far from it.

Diverse Crowd Attending the RNC

This year’s Republican National Convention in Cleveland, OH, featured a diverse crowd cheering for the recently anointed Republican Presidential Nominee Donald John Trump.

There were people wearing blue, white, or even gray shirts and jackets. A few had ties, and some wore nametags.

“This is us!” said emotional current Speaker of the House and RNC moderator Paul Davis Ryan, looking at the diversity of genders and hairstyles. “These are the people we represent. These are the people for which we will make America great again.”

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Gingrich: I Butt-Dialed Tweet on Muslims

A defiant and unapologetic former U.S. Representative and Presidential Candidate Newton Leroy “Newt” Gingrich today offered a simple and logical explanation of how he ended up tweeting a controversial tweet, which stated that the U.S. should be “testing” all resident Muslims and deporting those that are sympathetic to strict version of Islamic or “sharia” law.

The tweet was a reprise of Gingrich’s earlier Fox News statement that made the same claim, a claim, Gingrich has argued, had been “misunderstood”.

“It was a mistake,” explained Gingrich.

The tweet had come out of his cell phone, while his phone was in the back pocket of his pants.

“You know, sometimes, your phone activates itself,” said Gingrich. “And when you move around, you and up pushing some buttons. It looks like I butt-dialed that tweet without even realizing it,” he said with a smile.

Some have attempted to argue, that the chances of Mr. Gingrich actually butt-dialing a coherent tweet, which, moreover, contains a statement that he previously made on national TV, are astronomically small.

“Chances-shmances,” said Gingrich, “Sometimes I butt-dial more coherent tweets than the tweets I actually type.”

He also stated that this has nothing to do with Astronomy.

So, is Mr. Gingrich taking back the offensive and, in fact, unconstitutional statement he made inadvertently?

“Oh, come on,” he laughed. “I can’t be responsible for what comes out of my backside.”

He then made a victory sign and shouted “Make America Great Again!”

We thanked him for his time.

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Reference: The First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution explicitly “prohibits the making of any law respecting an establishment of religion or impeding the free exercise of religion.”

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness. As it is the case for this post, it is frequently based on real news, and not that far from it.

Melania Trump: “I was Born Black”

Time constraints did not allow Mrs. Melania Trump to deliver the full speech she had prepared all by herself for the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, Ohio, where her husband, the reality TV star Donald John Trump, is expected to be nominated as the Republican candidate for the U.S. Presidency.

Fortunately, sources familiar with the original draft were able to provide us with highlights of what Mrs. Trump had intended to share about her experiences, which shaped her perceptions of the world and made her the unique, original and intelligent person she now is.

“I was raised Black in the suburbs on the South Side of Chicago,” Mrs. Trump shared in a stunning revelation about her early childhood. “My parents taught me how to work hard, that my word is my bond, and how to treat people with dignity and respect.”

“I was fortunate to go to Princeton University,” Mrs. Trump’s speech continued despite the fact that she does not hold a college degree, “and later, to the Law School at Harvard University.”

In one of her discarded draft highlights, Mrs. Trump recounted her chance encounter with her now husband and presidential candidate Donald John Trump.

“When I met Barack Donald back in 1990 1998,” Mrs. Trump’s original draft read, clearly showing a few small factual corrections made by Mrs. Trump to better align with the facts, “he was a young starry eyed idealist, who was devastatingly charming and intelligent.“

The couple married in 1992 2005, and had been married ever since, to her and everyone else’s great surprise.

It is, indeed, regrettable that the Republican National Convention attendees could not hear Mrs. Trump’s speech in its entirety, since the thoughtfully written original piece would have further solidified the already shockingly solid impression that Republican delegates have of the Trump family.

Mrs. Trump has, however, promised, that if her husband is promoted to President, she would take time on national TV to tell the American people the entire story.

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Source: (CNN) Melania Trump “Borrows” Heavily from Michelle Obama’s 2008 Speech for Republican Convention

Source: (CNN) Trump Campaign Denies Similarities Between Speeches

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness. As it is the case for this post, it is frequently based on real news, and not that far from it.

Pokemon GO Not Allowed in Republican National Convention

It’s official: the popular augmented reality smartphone app Pokemon GO will NOT be allowed in the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, Ohio.

“We can’t afford to have our delegates wandering around the Convention center, searching for Pokespots, collecting Pokeballs, or trying to cover distance so they can incubate and hatch Pokemon eggs during scheduled speeches,” stated House Speaker Paul Davis Ryan. “It’s been difficult to find speakers willing to dedicate time from their usually idle daily schedules to speak at the convention as is.”

Ryan acknowledged that in the past, games and other entertainment had been allowed at the convention.

“Republican delegates do need to keep themselves entertained during the typically 45 minute long speeches or sessions,” he acknowledged. “It’s tough on their attention span to listen to an entire speech, particularly because they already know that Latinos are rapists and Muslims are terrorists.”

However, this time, unprecedented precautions needed to be taken.

“Cleveland, Ohio is an open-carry state,” explained Ryan. “It may be too dangerous if a delegate wanders off mistakenly outside the premises, lured by a lucrative Pokemon capture at a landmark, and gets accidentally shot. Hence the Pokemon GO ban.”

What are the chances of such an accidental death?

“It’s hard to tell,” said Ryan. “It is illegal to collect data on gun deaths, so, fortunately, we have no idea.”

But he acknowledged that it’s prudent to exercise basic precaution.

“Any random gun owner out there may be drunk, or upset, or even intentionally homicidal,” he said. “We can’t just risk delegates getting outside unprotected when they feel they want to toss a few Pokeballs around.”

Still, he expressed confidence that security was doing all they could. Specifically, the entrants to the convention’s 1.7 square mile secure zone are prohibited from bringing, swords, hatchets, axes, slingshots, BB guns, pellet guns, kinder eggs and metal knuckles (read full list of prohibited items in the CNN article here) and now, the Pokemon GO app.

Entrants are, naturally, still allowed to openly hold live firearms (refer to same CNN article here for confirmation).

“Of course, ” said Ryan. “Absolutely, positively, 100%, of course. We are not going to infringe on the Second Amendment, or, alternatively, ever risk to upset our sponsor, the NRA, who wants to make sure no one, ever, under any circumstance, is prevented from purchasing a lethal weapon.”

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Article is based on following CNN story: Security Fears Mount Ahead of GOP Convention
Also relevant: RNC, Guns OK, Tennis Balls Not

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness. As it is the case for this post, it is frequently based on real news, and not that far from it.