Ted Cruz: Obama Responsible for Scalia’s Death

There is a reason why an autopsy would not be performed on the late Associate Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court Antonin Gregory Scalia, who died unexpectedly in Texas on February 12, 2016. At least one of the Republican Presidential hopefuls, the Cuban-Canadian Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz, claims to know the answers regarding his death, which many have been trying to find.

“If an autopsy were performed, it would reveal the truth, which has been suppressed to mislead the American people,” Mr. Cruz stated on Fox News on President’s Day.

Prompted to share what he knows, Cruz looked directly into the camera and said. “Scalia died because of Obama. His death at this convenient for Obama time was no accident.”

Fox News was intrigued by the audacious accusation. “Mr. Cruz, what you are suggesting is most interesting,” echoed conservative TV host Sean Patrick Hannity. “Can you share your insights with our eager to know the truth viewers?”

“Let’s start with the obvious,” said Cruz. “No one that weahtly and powerful dies at the young age of 79.”

“That’s true,” Hannity nodded.

“Secondly,” said the Cuban-Canadian, “Scalia was a true patriot and a pillar of conservative values. He was someone we trusted to vote as we told him to vote. If he had died on his own terms, or on ours, he would have timed his death differently. He would have waited until I become President.”

“True again,” said Hannity.

“And thirdly,” Cruz concluded, “The person responsible for such a death is typically the person who benefits most from the death. In the case of Justice Scalia, the person who benefits most is, without question, our so-called ‘president’. Whom I plan to replace soon by the way,” he added.

“The implications of what you are saying could be very serious,” cautioned Hannity. “Do you have any proof?”

“I can provide proof if needed,” said Cruz. “The guy who has been providing proof for the non-existence of Global Warming is already working on a story that half of Congress would buy without questioning.”

“Anything else you would like to share with our viewers, Mr. Cruz?” asked Hannity.

“Obama killed Scalia!” concluded Cruz, addressing the American people. “He should be impeached. When I become President, I plan to repeal his heinous act in my first day of office.”

“I will bring Scalia back,” he vowed. “That’s a promise!”

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

GOP: Roberts Did Not Do What He Was Elected To Do

Photo credited to REUTERS/Win McNamee/Pool

In a lash of ire over the Supreme Court vote that cemented the role of Obama’s signature healthcare law, GOP representatives accused conservative Chief Justice John Roberts of “not voting according to what he was elected to vote for” and vowed to never allow “another Roberts” to sit on the judicial bench again.

“Who does he think he is?” questioned Curt Levey of the GOP Committee for Justice. “Someone who can just decide on his own how to interpret the law?”

Chief Justice John Roberts is seen by the GOP as a key figure that has been elected to defend their interests and their interests alone. Roberts was nominated by none other than former Republican President George W. Bush, the quintessential model and pinnacle of all things Republican.

“We misjudged Roberts,” said Levey. “We failed by assuming the obvious, that he would be loyal to the people who nominated him instead of trying to play ‘Judge’”.

The historic vote was yet another attempt of the GOP to deny medical insurance to millions of Americans who rely on it. The vote, which addressed the issue of federal subsidies, ensures that medical care is available to everyone, irrespective of income or what state they live in.

Citing political neutrality, Chief Justice Roberts, together with another conservative judge, Justice Anthony Kennedy, unexpectedly sided with the American People and voted in accordance to the law.

“He failed us!” lashed out said Carrie Severino, policy director of the conservative Judicial Crisis Network. “He went rogue! He bit the hand that fed him!”

GOP Presidential candidates were also quick to provide their take, making sure the American People know where they stand on the issue.

“First thing I’ll do as President is remove Chief Justice Roberts,” said Presidential Candidate Ted Cruz of Texas, who for some unknown reason still thinks that he is eligible to run for President. “And then the first thing I’ll do is repeal Obamacare,” he vowed.

“What Roberts did doesn’t hold any water,” said Presidential hopeful Marco Rubio from Florida.

“I don’t know,” said Presidential hopefu Jeb Bush, also from Florida. “When I say I don’t know, I mean I don’t know.”

“My brother put him there,” he elaborated later. “I’ll ask my brother why and then tell you what I’ll do.”

Reference: http://news.yahoo.com/obamacare-ruling-puts-supreme-court-hot-seat-u-050459645.html

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News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.