Speaking from Florida, where he has been traveling on business, Junior United States Senator and Presidential Candidate from Texas Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz today announced that the signature health law of the Obama Administration popularly known as “Obamacare” has been found responsible for recent severe droughts, tornadoes and earthquakes both in the U.S. and abroad.
“We were surprised too, though not too surprised, if you know what I mean,” said Mr. Cruz. “We knew from the start this law was bad news. But we didn’t even imagine how bad exactly.”
What evidence was considered in arriving at that conclusion?
“We looked at correlation data,” explained Cruz. “We see a steady increase of natural calamities as millions and millions of people have been signing up for this abomination of a law.”
“Droughts in California, floods in Texas, earthquakes in Nepal,” he named a few examples.
What action would the Presidential candidate suggest?
“Repeal the law, of course,” said the Senate Republican. “We can no longer afford to take chances. We have to save the planet, or we might otherwise face global extinction.”
How does the new conclusion fit with the recent Republican-dominated congressional vote that climate change is not man-made?
“Where did that question come from?” asked Cruz, glancing in the direction of his team of advisors. “We are not discussing whether that thing is man-made right now,” he said, carefully avoiding the words he is not allowed to say while in Florida. “We are talking about Obamacare, which is responsible for multiple natural disasters that have been happening in the U.S. and abroad.”
Mr. Cruz just waved at his team.
“Can we get a different journalist, please? This one is broken.”
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