Roy Moore Denies Accusations

Late at night on election Tuesday, 12/12, Republican Senate hopeful Roy Stewart Moore addressed his cheering supporters and firmly denied accusations that he had lost the election to Democratic candidate Doug Jones.

“These allegations are completely false,” Moore stated on national TV.  “I did not lose this election. I never lost anything. These allegations are false.”

Mr. Moore further stated that the timing of the statement that he lost the election, exactly on election day and right after the votes were counted, is too politically convenient to be true.

“If I had really lost the election,” he said, “why didn’t they say that 30 years earlier? Why are they saying I lost the election exactly today, after the counting the votes?”

According to Mr. Moore, the statement that he lost the election is a last-ditch effort of Democrats to stop him from winning.

“It is politically motivated,” he said. “I see no other reason why they would be saying this. This is a vicious, politically-motivated lie.”

President Trump promptly threw his support behind the Republican candidate as soon as the election results became public, saying that he believed Mr. Moore when the latter claimed he did not lose the election.

“Look, he denies it,” said Trump. “He denies it. He says he did not lose. You have to look at it from his point of view too.”

Source: Roy Moore Denies Misconduct Allegations [Fox News]

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news.

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Trump, Duterte Discuss Human Rights

U.S. President Donald John Trump and Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte had been able to briefly discuss the difficult subject of human rights according to a source close to Duterte.

Specifically, President Duterte had brought up his grave concerns about human rights violations in the U.S. committed by racist White cops who shoot and kill unarmed Black teenagers who have not been resisting arrest, White Christian males depriving women of their right to make decisions for their own bodies, entire news networks conspiring to defend and promote child molesters and helping them get elected to Congress, such as, for example, Fox News currently promoting child molester Roy Moore of Alabama, or the very basic right of Americans to peacefully raise awareness of racist issues by kneeling during the National Anthem at football games.

Such violations, Duterte stated during their meeting, are unacceptable in a civilized society.

A spokesman or Duterte stated that Trump “appeared sympathetic and did not have any official position on the matter but was merely nodding his head.”**

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news.

Trump Acknowledges Melania

In a rare indication of how deeply caring and attentive current U.S. president Donald J. Trump is as it comes to his third and most current wife Melania Vladimirovich Knauss Trump, Mr. Trump let out an unexpected lament as he spoke to victims of Hurricane Irma during his visit of Fort Myers, Florida.

“I just want to thank everybody, the first responders, on behalf of myself, our Vice President—Melania really wanted to be with us,**” he told the tiny crowd, as his wife Melania stood right next to him, slightly to the left, and wearing a white baseball cap.

The president had gone to Fort Myers as part of his weekly golfing schedule, and his thoughtful and considerate Vice President Michael Richard “Mike” Pence had hastily arranged for a small hired crowd to gather and meet Mr. Trump for a paid photo op.

An unnamed source had informed us that Melania had gently and lovingly addressed her husband after his improvised speech and reminded him of her presence there.

“You look familiar,” the source quotes the President’s response to his wife. “You must be one of my big fans.”

A different unnamed source had then witnessed the Vice President pull Trump to the side and remind him that the person who had just talked to him is his wife.

“Melanoma knows she is my wife,” the President had responded. “My lawyers have told her that many times.”

“Let’s make America great again, Volodya,” Trump had told his V.P., changing the topic and calling Mr. Pence an unfamiliar nickname. “Let’s make sure my approval rating goes above 100%.”

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** Indicates real quote. Source: Trump Forgets Melania Standing Right Next to Him

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news.

The Truth About Papadopoulos

Following the revelation that one of President Trump’s campaign aides has admitted to lying to the FBI when initially questioned in FBI’s Russia Collusion probe, president Trump was quick to jump in and condemn the unethical behavior.

“He is a liar,” said President Trump on Tuesday. “He lied about lying to the FBI.”

“First,” explained Trump, “he was supposed to lie when he was questioned. That’s what liars do. They lie. They don’t tell the truth. We expected him to lie. We relied on him to lie. He told us he would lie. So we told him a lie.”

“But,” said Trump, “he was an even bigger liar than we anticipated. He lied to us that he would lie to the FBI. Instead, he told them the truth, which was ok, because that was my truth, and the truth of Fox New and their sponsors, but mostly mine.”

“And then,” said Trump, “he turned around, and lied to the FBI that he lied to them the first time.”

“He is a liar,” repeated Trump in conclusion. “Liars cannot be believed, especially when they say something against me.”

“Hillary Clinton colluded with Russia,” he said. “Everyone knows that.”

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news.

Manafort Charged, the Details

Monday morning started with some unusual news, Fox News reported. Paul John Manafort Jr., the well known campaign manager of the campaign of now President Donald J. Trump, had been charged with some minor violations.

“Parking Near a Fire Hydrant, Other Charges**”, reported Fox in order of seriousness of the violations.

Mr. Manafort, who, as a lawyer, has been known to be absolutely perfect in following and respecting the laws to the letter, whether they are Federal, State or even just neighborhood laws. Fox News expressed their genuine surprise that Mr. Manafort would ever do anything as serious as parking incorrectly. They, as well as all their sponsors, have spent the morning scratching their heads to find an explanation.

“We are still looking for answers,” said Fox News talk show host Sean Patrick Hannity, who is known to be the most fair and unbiased of all talk show hosts in the entire history of the news industry. “I know it, deep inside my heart, just as I know that there is no such thing as Global Warming, that Mr. Manafort is innocent. There has got to be a good explanation why he parked incorrectly. If, indeed he did,” he added. “This may all be one big left-wing conspiracy.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news, which we make sure we clearly point out.

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Author’s Note: This article aims to ridicule the blatantly misleading headline that Fox News published on their front page on Monday Morning: “Manafort Charged with Money Laundering, Other Charges”

** “Other Charges” included the charge of Conspiracy Against the U.S.

Trump Generously Helps Puerto Ricans with Beautiful Soft Paper Towels

President Donald J. Trump went well out of his way to help the victims of disaster-stricken Puerto Rico. During his visit of the devastated island, he made sure Puerto Ricans have all they need to retain the highest quality life despite the damage left behind by hurricane Maria.

An endearing moment, which Puerto Ricans loved so much that they screamed from the top of their lungs was when President Trump threw out at them what they needed most: the highest quality, super-absorbent, quilted paper towels, made of the finest paper from real trees cut from protected areas of the Amazon forest.

“They had these beautiful, soft towels. Very good towels,” Trump said. “And I came in and there was a crowd of a lot of people. And they were screaming and they were loving everything. I was having fun, they were having fun. They said, ‘Throw ’em to me! Throw ’em to me Mr. President!'”**

Paper towels were the last item that Puerto Ricans had not been able to procure after all of their basic needs: food, clothing and shelter have been met. They had planned an elaborate elegant reception of their most favorite President ever, complete with fountains of champagne and gold-plated silverware, but there was one item that was missing.

“We just didn’t have the right paper towels –” said hurricane victim Jose Rodriguez Gato, who had lost his home and all his belongings in the disaster. “– the kind of paper towels that are worthy of this President. President Trump was wise and graceful to bring exactly the right kind to us and to toss them out for the crowd to playfully fight over.”

The crowd had shown their appreciation to Mr. Trump’s generosity with a “deafening”** cheer.

** Indicates real quotes

Source: President Trump Brags about Quality of Paper Towels (Business Insider)

Source: Video of Actual Interview of Mr. Trump Where He Discusses Quality of Paper Towels and the Crowd’s Reaction (CNN)

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to highlight, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. Some articles, like this one, are based on real news (see sources), and, as is the case with this article, very close to the disturbing reality of this president and his administration.

President Trump Donates Generously

Earlier on Sunday, 10/1, President Donald J. Trump announced a generous donation to the National Rifle Association (NRA) to help the relief efforts in disaster-stricken Puerto Rico.

“I have donated,” he announced, speaking from his golf club at Bedminster, New Jersey, where he had been enjoying a relaxing weekend, “lots of money to the one organization that will help contain the crime levels in Puerto Rico. There are bad, bad people there, folks. Bad people, taking advantage of the situation there.”

Earlier, in a different act of selfless generosity,  Mr. Trump had donated his golf trophy to the people of Puerto Rico.

The President expressed his sincere regret that he had been unable to tweet about his new donation, as his staff had quickly logged him off of his Twitter account on his cell phone, the only device which he is still able to carry unsupervised. It usually takes the President some time to re-log in his account, as this is a complex process.

Mr. Trump, who used public funds as the source for his recent donation to the NRA, had acted solely on his own goodwill, without consulting any of his advisors.

The NRA is President Trump’s preferred charity to which he not only gives, but from which he also frequently receives reciprocated contributions.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to highlight, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Hillary Lies, Again. Donald Tells It As It Is.

The Second Presidential debate of Presidential Election 2016, hosted in Washington University in St. Louis, MO, and moderated by CNN’s Anderson Cooper and ABC’s Martha Raddatz, highlighted, once again, the poignant issues and personality differences between the two debating candidates.

Never had these differences and traits been more apparent than during the candidates’ closing statements, which, befittingly, solidified and put an emphatic exclamation mark on their positions and beliefs.

Secretary Hillary Rodham Clinton ended the debate, once again, with an outward lie.

“I respect his children,” she said. “His children are incredibly able and devoted.”

American voters reeled from the obvious falsehood of her statement. A simple Google check on Donald Trump, or his children, is sufficient for American voters to understand how insincere and untrue Hillary’s statement was.

Donald John Trump, on the other hand, told it exactly as it is:

“She doesn’t quit,” he said. “She doesn’t give up. I tell it like it is. She’s a fighter.”

He stopped short of sharing his sincere belief that Ms. Clinton will be the next President of the United States, but American audiences who are used to his usual subtle and modest way of expression had no difficulty understanding his implied message.

#debates #debates2016

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Trump: “My Words Don’t Reflect Who I Am”

Early Friday morning, following the release of a damaging tape that sent his reputation on a downward spiral, Republican Presidential Nominee Donald John Trump stood in front of the American people on T.V., humble and apologetic.

“My words don’t reflect who I am,” he stated for everyone’s assurance. “What I said on that tape, and what I have been saying many times after, and what I will continue to say, has nothing to do with me. It’s not a reflection of me.”

“My actions don’t reflect who I am,” continued the candidate. “Don’t judge me by my actions. They are just actions, things I do. They are not the real me.”

“My thoughts also don’t reflect who I am,” Trump re-assured his voters. “Nothing I do, or say, or think really shows who I am. Trust me, folks, trust me. That’s the truth.”

“I am someone completely different,” he concluded his apologetic speech. “I am a very, very different person from what my words, or actions, or thoughts show. And that is tremendous. It’s tremendous, folks. We are going to do tremendous things.”

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Poll Finds Trump, Clinton Tied

Zbinek Gjdanovski, a national of the Republic of Poland, was just looking for a restroom when he walked into the Royal Payne hotel in Manhattan, NYC. He walked past the concierge, where a small line of men dressed in dark business suits had lined up patiently. He walked past the dark, green marble reception desk, where a busy receptionist was chatting away on the phone with a professional expression on his clean shaven face. Finally, he turned a corner and walked into what he believed would be a restroom.

He found himself in a luxurious, posh decorated hotel room, with its heavy, plush crimson curtains drawn shut. The only light came from a small, red bed lamp with hanging golden macramé, which reflected in the mirrored ceiling.

On the heavy mahogany bed, naked, lay the current Republican Presidential Nominee Donald John Trump and the current Democratic Presidential Nominee Hillary Clinton. They were tied by the wrists with soft, velvet ropes, facing each other, on opposing headboards.

The two Presidential Candidates were slightly surprised by the visitor, and asked if he were by any chance Ruby Cream, the dressed-as-a-male lady they had both been expecting. Finding that Zbinek was just a random walk-in, the two hastily asked if he would be interested in getting $15,000 for a short game of “Follow My Presidential Orders”. When Mr. Gjdanovski politely declined, the two commanded him to leave and keep his mouth shut or else “the Second Amendement People” would take care of him. The latter statement came from Mr. Trump.

Correction: Our writing staff just found out that the word “poll”, spelled “p-o-l-l”, in the title, actually refers to a questionnaire sent out to potential voters, and not, as they initially assumed, to a citizen of Polish nationality, which would have been spelled “P-o-l-e”. There was a similar misunderstanding of the term “tied”. News Sense News is therefore withdrawing this story and apologizing for any inadvertent misunderstanding it may have caused.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness. As is the case for this post, it is frequently based on real news.

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Post Correction:

Due to the correction above, our team has been unable to share the alleged photo of this alleged occurrence, now found to be due to simple title misunderstanding. Had this misunderstanding not taken place, we would have shared the following photo with you to illustrate what Mr. Gjdanovski encountered when he mistakenly entered this unexpected hotel room.

hands_tied_to_bed