Former First Lady Melania Trump Was Unaware of Events on January 6th

Newly declassified records offer an insightful perspective on what was transpiring in the White House on the morning of January 6th, 2021 from recollections of former First Lady Melania Trump.

The following excerpt comes from recorded conversations with Mrs. Trump, which shed light on her whereabouts and actions on that morning.

Q: “Mrs. Trump, can you please let us know where you were and what you were doing on the morning of January 6^th, 2021, when a violent mob attacked the U.S. Capitol?”

MT: “Certainly. On that morning, I was busy washing my hair. I was in bathroom 34, which has a nice, strong shower jet. Also, it has a large shower rack that has space for all the shampoos I use when I wash my hair.”

Q: “When would you say you started your hair wash, and when did it end?”

MT: “Let me see. I think I woke up early that morning, around 11. I got up and looked for clothes, but that bedroom didn’t have any of my clothes in it. So, I found a towel, wrapped myself in it, just in case, and went to look for a bathroom. I think I went to bathroom 35 first, which was close by, but it didn’t have a shampoo rack large enough. The next one, number 34, did. It also found my shampoos in it. I must have used it some time ago and left them there.”

“I wasn’t hungry yet, because I had woken up early. So, I decided that this was a good time to wash my hair. This must have been around 10:30 am.”

Q: “Thank you. So, when did you finish washing your hair?”

MT: “Probably around 1 pm. Or it might have been 1:30. I don’t remember exactly, but I was starting to feel hungry, so, it was probably some time between 1 and 2.”

Q: “What did you do next, Mrs. Trump?”

MT: “I went to look for clothes. I walked into two or three bedrooms, but they didn’t seem to have any of my clothes in them. There are 132 rooms in the White House, and it is sometimes difficult to remember which ones have my clothes. I think I found a bedroom where I might have slept in the past month, because I recognized a dresser, and inside, I found some folded clothes. They were ordinary, but I just needed them for a short time, before I could walk to the master bedroom, where I could find something better to wear for the day.”

Q: “Msr. Trump, at what point did you become aware that there was a mob of President Trump’s supporters storming the Capitol Building.”

MT: “I don’t know. Not that day, I think. Next day maybe? Or the day after? I don’t exactly remember. But I think it was not on that day. I heard it mentioned by someone a few days later.”

Q: “So, you were not aware whether President Trump was watching the events in the Capitol on his TV on that day?”

MT: “Oh, no, not at all. I did not see my husband that day at all. I think I saw him the next day when he passed by, but he didn’t say anything. So, no, I was not aware what he did on that day.”

Q: “Mrs. Trump, how often do you wash your hair?”

MT: “I am not sure this is an appropriate question. I will — how do you say — take the 5^th? Is this how you say it?”

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS. We aim to entertain as well as educate via exaggeration.

Unprecedented Jury Duty Shortage Afflicts U.S.

Recent Data released by the U.S. Department of Justice revealed an alarming fact: U.S. courts are running out of qualified jury duty candidates, who can serve on juries of ongoing trials.

“There simply aren’t enough Americans to serve on juries,” admitted Department of Justice Deputy Director Dena Iverson as she pointed to a screen of numbers. Almost every qualified American has, recently, specifically over the past 3 years, been called to be screened to serve as a possible juror.

“This puts us at a dilemma,” she shared. “We need to take one of several possible actions. Either a) we have to have jurors serve on multiple trials, which is difficult to manage schedule-wise, b) we have to shrink juries to fewer jurors, which cannot be done without Congress voting such a change into law, or c) and, admittedly, that option is not easily executable at this point, we need to urgently and quickly grant citizenship to as many immigrants as possible, so they can immediately start serving on trial juries.”

What has been the reason for the alarming trend?

“Well,” Iverson admitted, “if you look at the data, it becomes clear that our former president, Donald J. Trump is almost completely solely responsible for the increased need for jurors. His current and upcoming trials, alone, are sufficient to have almost every eligible American assigned to a jury. Looking forward, it looks like this may continue to be the case for at least the next 130 or so years. So, we really need to look for a solution, and quickly, or else every American will be doing nothing else but serve on jury duty for Donald J. Trump’s upcoming trials.”

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS. We aim to entertain as well as educate via exaggeration.

Tucker Carlson Caught on Camera Discussing Trump’s Penis Size

In this undated photo, conservative radio host Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson is showing to an unidentified employee of Fox News the size of Donald John Trump’s penis.

Carlson was inadvertently caught on camera with live mic during what he believed to be a commercial break in his Fox News show Tucker Carlson Tonight.

“It’s this big, I kid you not,” Carlson was recorded saying according to a source familiar with the recording. “I’ve seen it. I saw it in the restroom!” He then held his thumb and forefinger squarely to demonstrate the length he was trying to convey.

It was unclear whom Carlson was talking to when he was filmed, as the recipient of the information was off camera and apparently did not reply verbally. There must have been something in that person’s expression, however, that led Carlson to nod and exclaim emphatically.

“Yup, it’s huge!” he said. “At least three inches!”

That’s where the camera footage was apparently cut off.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS. We aim to entertain as well as showcase via exaggeration.

Donald Trump Decides Not to Serve a Second Term

On Sunday, January 17, 2021, to the great shock and disappointment of his followers, Donald John Trump made a surprising announcement that he has made a decision to not serve a second presidential term.

“I have thought about this a lot,” he said, “Today, and yesterday, and the day before. I think it was the day before. I was golfing, I do that sometimes, good way to relax from stress. I am not stressed, by the way, I don’t get stressed, I am used to it, I do this really well, I never get stressed. But it can be stressful. And I thought about it, and I decided, I decided to give up my second term. I will give it up, I think. I have decided. It was an important decision, and when you decide something, you have to do it. I do it anyway. Many people don’t. I do.”

“You elected me,” he said. “The country elected me. Everyone voted for me, because of the great job we did in the last four years. But some people cheated. Evil, evil people. But everybody knows they cheated. We won in a landslide. Biggest win ever. But lots of cheating. These people will go to jail, by the way. We will find them. It’s easy. We will find them. It just takes time.”

“I did some really great things,” he reminisced, “more than anybody. Nobody thought it was possible, but I did it. I did everything. But it is time to stop, because, you know, people just need to know how difficult it is, every day, making decisions, deciding, doing things, it never stops. One term, that’s enough. I decided, one term. But I did things for more than that, for two, or three, or four terms. Many terms. Tremendous work.”

“So, tomorrow, I am going to Mar-a-Lago,” he said, “and I will spend some time there. I think it would be good. It’s a good place. Really, really good. I am going there tomorrow.”

He made no mention of President-elect Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. and Vice-president-elect Kamala Devi Harris who are assuming office on Wednesday, January 20, 2021.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS. We aim to entertain as well as educate.

Donald Trump Achieves a Tremendous Milestone

On Wednesday, January 13, 2021, Donald John Trump demonstrated to the nation something that no one in the country, even those who know the president really well, believed he was capable of: his newly acquired ability to read from a Teleprompter.

Seated behind a desk, looking uncomfortable but focused, the president read, stiffly, yet accurately, with only a few mistakes which were quickly fixed by re-filming.

The remarkable achievement had not come easily. The journey had started more than four years earlier, when newly elected president Donald had decided it is time for him to learn how to read. Part of this decision had been misguided recommendations from members of his cabinet. But the most important part had been that of his wife, Melania, who had thought that a president has to be able to read at least at a third-grader level so that he could read to her what was going on in the country when anything of interest was going on.

Donald had had his concerns about the project. They were partly due to the time commitment that would take away from his golfing schedule, and partly to natural anxiety from the complexity of the task. Additionally, and astutely, Donald had worried that a reading ability could alienate his most ardent base, many of whom fear and despise reading and its implications.

Yet, a decision was made. The journey had been difficult, but ultimately successful. By his third year in office, Donald was able to read accurately from many books, as long as the letters were large and capital, and there were at least some pictures to keep his attention and interest.

By the end of his fourth and final year, the impossible happened. By his own words “to his own surprise”, Donald found himself able to read almost any printed text.

A few days before his presidency was over, a nervous and still ambivalent Donald demonstrated his new skill by reading a short, fake, unrealistic and uncharacteristic of him speech from a Teleprompter, intended to denounce the actions of people whom he himself had incited to storm the U.S. Capitol while Congress was in session in order to force Congress to reject the results of a legitimate and lawful election.

While Donald clearly disagreed with the contents of the speech, an experienced observer could detect a tiny amount of natural but nevertheless well-deserved pride from being able to read from a text a rolling in front of his eyes on a Teleprompter.

His achievement is well noted, and will be remembered as one of the most remarkable accomplishments of Donald John Trump during his short and otherwise unproductive presidency.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS. We aim to entertain as well as educate.

Trump: I Have Done More in 47 Months than Biden has in 47 years

On Monday, September 21, Donald J. Trump paused for a second to recount some of the highlights of his presidency so far, and to put them in perspective compared to his opponent Joseph Biden, whom he would be facing on Election Day, November 3, 2020.

“Joe doesn’t golf,” said Trump. “I have done more golfing in 47 months than he has done in 47 years.”

Indeed, the pressures of being President have necessitated Trump to golf frequently, so he can gather his thoughts in between Tweeting sessions. Trump golfs daily, sometimes as long as 8, 9 or 10 hours per day, something, he states, that none of his predecessors have come even close to.

“It’s a tough job,” Trump shared. “Golfing is the only way for me to escape for a few moments and have some time to myself.”

As of September 2020, Trump’s golfing trips have cost American taxpayers $141,000,000, which translates to 353 years of Presidential salary.

In fact, he has golfed more than all previous presidents taken together.

“Did I say 47 months? I meant to say 47 days,” said Trump. “Just in the past 47 days alone I had golfed more than any other president has in their lifetime. Sleepy Joe doesn’t even come close.”

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS. We aim to entertain as well as educate.

Trump Seeks Identity of Leak of Ukraine Call

On Friday, September 27, Donald John Trump expressed his urgent need to identify the person or people who leaked information about his call with the president of Ukraine, Volodymyr Zelensky causing a chain reaction leading to an impeachment inquiry.

“Who could that be?” asked clearly upset Trump. “Who?”

Other administration officials also expressed surprise and puzzlement.

“This had to be someone in this administration who has an interest of seeing the president removed,” said an unidentified source. “Only someone like this would go ahead and share information about crimes the president commits.”

“We have to ask ourselves who? Who from the people close to the president has the most to gain from having the president removed from office?” commented a second unidentified official.

The vice president, Michael Richard Pence, the second in line in case the president is no longer able to carry out his duties, also chimed in, though, being a man of few words, his comment on the matter was non-verbal. He shrugged, and excused himself from the room.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often, as in this case, inspired by very, very real news.

Graham: Confessing Your Sins to a Child Molester Will Save Your Soul

Americans have strayed from God’s Path, William Franklin Graham III, Christian Evangelist and Missionary, asserted on Friday, May 31.

Gone are the days when a man could freely beat his wife and children. Gone are the days when a man could rape his 13-year-old daughter and force her to bear his son-grandson. Gone are even the days when priests could worrilessly engage young choir boys in anal sex on Sundays. Now, only a handful of states, the true keepers of Republican values, practice these centuries-old traditions established by God himself. They are forced to practice them in secret, and some politicians, Graham warned, are threatening to take even that away.

What is this world coming to, questioned Graham? Where is our faith? Where is our trust in God’s clear, unmistakable message that men could do all of these things freely, worrilessly, without fear?

Wake up! called Graham. Repent! Go to church and confess yours sins to your local child molester. Vote for those who protect God’s permission for men to practice sin, violence and rape. These are God-given rights, and they are all fully and completely absolved by Him when you share every detail about them with a child molester of choice.

Because God does not make mistakes. He wants you to do all that. He even more wants you to do what he, Franklin Graham, is telling you to do. Graham knows this, because he talks to Him every day.

And what he, Graham, has heard God say is that the nation has to pray for president Trump. Pray for him on Sunday, Graham says. Pray for him every day. Because he is the only one who could bring these values back, make them all happen again, and keep them happening forever after.

Source: Franklin Graham Wants the Nation to Pray for Trump on Sunday (CNN)

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often, as in this case, inspired by very, very real news.

Trump on Notre Dame: Why Didn’t They Use Huge Water Balloons?

In the wake of the most devastating recent fire of a cultural relic, the president of the United States Donald John Trump, irked by the slowness of French firefighters in their efforts to put out the fire raging at the famous Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, quickly shared his personal concern and expert advice in a series of tweets.

“So horrible to watch the massive fire,” he tweeted. “Why didn’t they use flying water tankers to put it out?”

“Why not use huge water balloons?” he continued, incredulous of the inability of the French people to come up with creative ideas. “Very, very large squirt guns?”

“Why not use Superman? He can freeze a lake with his breath. Just have him throw the lake on Noter Dam! Easy!”

“Lame, totally lame,” he concluded. “This would never happen in this country.”

“Unless, of course, you have Obama. Or crooked Hillary. Then you all get windmill cancer. Watch out!”

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.

 

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Michele Bachmann: “Trump the Most Godly President” According to Redacted Bible Version

On Tuesday, 4/16, former Presidential Candidate and Representative of Minnesota’s 6th District in the House of Representatives Michelle Marie Bachmann came out with the strongest so-far statement in support of current president and former reality TV star Donald John Trump in front of the “Understanding the Times” radio program of Right Wing Watch.

“He is highly biblical,” she said, “we will in all likelihood never see a more godly, biblical president again in our lifetime.”

Mrs. Bachmann further explained that she always known that, but had, in addition, more recently arrived again at that conclusion after carefully studying two reliable documents, which came, unsurprisingly to her, from the Department of Justice.

The first one was just a summary, a short 4 page document which gave a quick synopsis of the Bible intended to impart the overall sentiment of the Bible’s teachings.

The second one, a much more extensive one, is the Bible itself in its entirety, missing only a number of heavily redacted portions to protect relevant “third party” information.

Both the 4 page summary document and the redacted version of the Bible had been given to Mrs. Bachmann and created single-handedly by current U.S. Attorney General, William Pelham Barr.

Source: Trump is the most Godly, biblical president of our time (Right Wing Watch)

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.