Tucker Carlson Caught on Camera Discussing Trump’s Penis Size

In this undated photo, conservative radio host Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson is showing to an unidentified employee of Fox News the size of Donald John Trump’s penis.

Carlson was inadvertently caught on camera with live mic during what he believed to be a commercial break in his Fox News show Tucker Carlson Tonight.

“It’s this big, I kid you not,” Carlson was recorded saying according to a source familiar with the recording. “I’ve seen it. I saw it in the restroom!” He then held his thumb and forefinger squarely to demonstrate the length he was trying to convey.

It was unclear whom Carlson was talking to when he was filmed, as the recipient of the information was off camera and apparently did not reply verbally. There must have been something in that person’s expression, however, that led Carlson to nod and exclaim emphatically.

“Yup, it’s huge!” he said. “At least three inches!”

That’s where the camera footage was apparently cut off.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS. We aim to entertain as well as showcase via exaggeration.

Don’t Play That Game: Surgeon General Warns

In an unprecedented address to the nation, Surgeon General Jerome Adams warned Americans of the dangers of playing a newly suggested drinking game inviting participants to drink every time Fox News mentions the words “Socialist” or “Socialism” in the upcoming election 2020 cycle.

“Our projections indicate that this game could result in severe alcohol poisoning and/or death of approximately 63 million Americans,” Adams, a Donal Trump appointee, warned. “More importantly,” he added, “These would be exactly the wrong 63 million of Americans to die before the 2020 election.”

Asked to explain, Adams provided more details.

“First,” he said, “this game would be played exclusively by viewers of Fox News, a group that president Trump and his trusted advisors care deeply to keep alive.”

“Second,” he said, “Fox News recently obtained a license for the unlimited use of the exact words named in the game: Socialist and Socialism. Initial projections are that these two words alone would constitute more than 95% of all words the network would be using in the next several months to ensure every single Fox viewer had heard them at least 68,000 times prior to Election Day.”

For those unfamiliar with the science behind it, hearing the same word 68,000 times has been shown to result in 100% obedience in dogs.

“Finally,” Adams concluded, “This game is projected to result in the disproportional deaths of people with reasoning issues, alcohol abuse issues, anger issues, and issues of general self-control, which are critical for the re-election of our God-given president.”

Fox News was quick to air the warning and add its own alarm to it. “While drinking, just like smoking or giving loaded weapons to toddlers, has no negative effect on people, this particular game could result in Fox News losing business, which this country cannot afford,” said Tucker Carlson, a news anchor of Fox News and head of its newly formed Department of Truth.

President Trump also chimed in with a Tweet. “Why is Obama not in jail for this?” he asked, despite the fact that the game had been suggested by none other than his own pick for the Supreme Court, the Honorable Brett Michael Kavanaugh, after a night of heavy drinking and other alcohol experimentation, not necessarily always oral. Mr. Kavanaugh had since retracted his suggestion, partly because he had been briefly sober, and partly because he had no recollection of making it.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS. We aim to entertain as well as educate.

Fox News Apologizes After Posting Impeachment Fact

On Friday, November 5, the Fox News network apologized profusely and wholeheartedly to their readers and viewers after posting a true fact about the ongoing impeachment hearings of Donald John Trump.

“It was an inadvertent mistake,” admitted Fox News talk show host Sean Hannity. “One of our less experienced employees failed to negate the information that they heard in the impeachment hearing, and ended up sharing it without reversing its meaning.”

Hannity acknowledged that reporting facts goes deeply against the principles of the network, whose entire existence is predicated on making sure any news has been reversed to ensure their readers are kept uninformed and oblivious to what is really happening.

The mistake was online only 3.2 minutes, after which it was successfully removed and deleted from all servers that hosted it. These servers were then disconnected, removed from their racks, and physically destroyed.

“We take our commitment to telling lies to the American people very seriously,” stated Fox News Chairman Rupert Murdoch. “We will never be caught telling the truth about anything, particularly about anything that goes against the interests of those who pay us to lie for them.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. We aim to entertain as well as educate.

 

American Spy Story False, Dangerous for Life of Spy

On Tuesday, September 10, president Trump’s White House came in hard to deny the facts in a CNN story concerning a hasty extraction of an American spy working covertly within the Russian government due to concerns that president Trump could  compromise his identity in Tweets containing classified information.

“This story is false,” Trump’s new press secretary Stephanie Grisham stated, “and, in addition, puts the life of our spy in danger.”

Grisham admitted, that, fortunately, the danger was not serious, because the spy had already reached American soil and was now spending quality time with family in his parents’ home in West Warwick, Rhode Island. This, however, was besides the point, because there was no such spy to start with, so, any story about him was false from inception.

Fox News was quick to criticize CNN on their front page. “Lives in Danger”, they posted. “Not only is CNN’s story not true,” they said, “but it could compromise the safety of the asset, or that of his father Thomas or mother Tina.”

President Trump, who usually shies away from media attention, felt that the situation warranted his personal attention.

“Fake news by the fake media CNN,” he Tweeted. “James is not a spy. Just a regular guy, doing regular work. Shame. Congress should shut CNN down.”

CNN did not reply to any of the personal attacks, nor did they heed a Government call to immediately disclose the sources of their fake information.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often, as in this case, inspired by very, very real news.

Fox News Seeks CNN Help

Following the Congressional testimony of Michael Dean Cohen, the former lawyer and personal counsel of Donald John Trump, one particular network found itself in unfamiliar waters.

“It’s kind of embarrassing when you think about it,” shared recent Fox News hire David Conway, “well, maybe just a teeny-weeny bit. We… well… had to query CNN for some information on Thursday.”

The problem, David explained, arose from the fact that Fox News employees have been so busy and so focused in trying to discredit Cohen both before and during his testimony, that no one in the entire network had had any chance to actually listen to what Cohen said during the hearing.

When the testimony was over, someone in the news room asked about what they should be writing in the commentary following the testimony. The answer was, as usual, listen to what Cohen said, and tell your readers the complete opposite.

Except that no one knew what Cohen said.

Fox executives did not panic. Being the experienced network they are, they already had pre-prepared templates from years earlier, where they just had to enter Cohen’s name. The rest was information that was already ready to be published.

So, this is what they, Fox, did. They immediately published numerous templates, which by design made sure that the targeted individual, in this case Cohen, is mocked, ridiculed, insulted and discredited. In the background, however, higher level Fox executives secretly looked up real news published by trusted networks such as CNN. They then engaged their own writers to fully invert anything that CNN was saying.

“You know what was interesting?” conservative political commentator Tucker Carlson shared. “The outcome was, in fact, almost identical to the templates we had already published!”

“Makes you think, doesn’t it?” he added. “Why waste any of our time actually listening to any actual testimonies, or to anything at all?”

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.

Trump Changes Mind on Wall After Reading Online Publication

In a surprising turn of events that transpired quickly and naturally after Donald John Trump’s address to the nation this past Tuesday, February 5th, Mr. Trump suddenly announced a change of heart for the iconic wall he had promised to build along the Southern U.S. border.

“A wall would be great, really tremendous,” he said in front of a handful of Fox News reporters, “but there is something that would be even greater.”

The idea of the greater project, he shared, had occurred to him after getting his hands on an online publication different from Fox News, his typical tabloid of choice, which is not only the tabloid most closely aligned to his views, but is, in fact, also the one fully committed to expressing exclusively these views after listening carefully to him to find out what his views are.

In the new publication, which had turned up unexpectedly when he had inadvertently made a search typo, there had been a real photo of three clearly non-American-born humanoids photographed in the desert of New Mexico earlier that same Tuesday.

The picture, Trump shared, had given him the chills.

“They were clearly not the best people,” said Trump. “They were not White Caucasian males, they were bringing drugs, crime, raping women, taking American jobs.”

This is when Trump had a revelation.

“They had not come through the Southern Border,” he shared. “They had landed in New Mexico in a round saucer-shaped craft that had entered American space through the upper stratosphere.”

“A wall,” he said, “would not stop criminals like them. What we need is a dome.”

He did not elaborate further. He just waved his hand at the reporters, and gave them a smile.

“A beautiful dome. And these three illegals will pay for it.”

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.

Fox Talk Show Host to Change Name

Anonymous sources have confirmed that American Talk Show Host and Political Commentator Sean Patrick Hannity, who hosts the conservative radio talk show “Sean Hannity Show”, as well as the conservative “Hannity” show on Fox News, is filing an emergency petition to legally change his name from Sean Patrick Hannity to Sarah Elizabeth Huckabee Sanders.

The sudden and urgent need has been triggered by his diminishing credibility among his listeners and viewers. “They simply do not believe that he can lie to them as effectively as the current political environment requires,” a source close to Hannity stated under conditions of anonymity.

To be fair, Hannity has already built a very successful career as a professional liar and manipulator of public opinion. Over the past two years, however, his undoubtedly outstanding skills have been all but eclipsed by newcomers to the field of public lying. Specifically, relatively recent additions such as pundit Kellyanne Elizabeth Conway and White House Press Secretary Sarah Elizabeth Huckabee Sanders have made Hannity feel, in his own words, “devastatedly inferior”. Sarah, as he likes to call her in a sign of admiration and reverence instead of referring to her last name, for example, has succeeded to achieve the impressive average of 5.1 lies per sentence in recent televised events, while Hannity has barely managed 3.0, despite intentional attempts at longer sentences, and only after a rounding off to the nearest decimal (his actual average is 2.952).

Hannity’s decision to change his name is an attempt for a fresh new start. His name change petition was filed as a rush order so he could preemptively precede any of his other Fox News colleagues from coming up with the same idea and changing theirs first.

When finalized, his name change would cascade down to name changes of his shows. Both would be named after his new second name: “The Elizabeth Show” and “Elizabeth”. This way, Hannity shrewdly strategized, he would pay homage to both of his top rivals: Sarah Elizabeth Huckabee Sanders and Kellyanne Elizabeth Conway.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.

Michael Cohen Offered Quaint One-Bedroom Apartment, Rent-Free, Fox Reports

On Tuesday, August 21, news hit the airwaves that American attorney Michael Dean Cohen, who has worked devotedly and exclusively for one high-profile client since 2006, up to until one year after that client was made President of the United States, has gained the most unexpected benefit from the U.S. Government — a quaint, one-bedroom, modestly furnished apartment, in which he is cordially welcome to live rent-free for a period of 4-5 years, Fox News reported.

Mr. Cohen will, in addition, be entitled to several free meals a day, caringly delivered to him directly at his bedside for his enjoyment and convenience, as well as a free relaxed-fit suit in orange, which will be washed for him weekly at no expense, Fox further announced.

This exclusive story has only been shared on Fox News and Fox News only, the most fair and balanced, true and honest network ever.

Fox Warning: if you are to read any other news outlet, you might find that they all seem to have conspired to tell one and the same consistent lie about Michael Dean Cohen.

Fox News urges their readers to completely stop reading other news sources and trust only them, Fox News, because the rest of the press, all of them, who is, as the current president stated, an enemy of the people, publishes only of fake news.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.

Trump-Putin Talks Transcript

Driven by news of 12 new indictments of Russian nationals issued by the office of FBI’s Robert Mueller on Friday, 7/13, and in light of the upcoming meeting of Mr. Trump with Russian President Vladimir Putin on 7/16, the White House took the unprecedented step  to release a detailed transcript of the upcoming conversation between the two leaders today, 7/13.

“We felt that the American People need to know exactly what will be discussed,” explained White House Press Secretary Sarah Elizabeth Huckabee Sanders. “This way, they would not be swayed right now by the fake information from fake non-Fox-News news that might come out before, during, or after the meeting.”

One paragraph of the proactively published transcript stands out. It discusses, in detail, the direct conversation that Mr. Trump and Mr. Putin will have about the aforementioned interference.

“This transcript,” Mrs. Sanders stated, “should put an end to any fake claims of the fake left wing, left center, center, right center, independent or international media. In this upcoming conversation,” Mrs. Sanders pointed out, “Mr. Putin will very clearly reject any accusation that Russia interfered with the U.S. election.”

Transcripts of future conversations of Government leaders several days in advance are uncommon, but such transcripts have, when timing requires it, been used to let voting citizens know what these conversation will be in order to prevent other so-called “poorly timed” non-Fox-News news from clouding the citizens’ judgment.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.

Donald Trump to Let Immigrant Families and Their Children Stay for Free in His Most Expensive Luxury Hotels

Today, Fox News reported that U.S. President Donald John Trump has opened the doors of his most extravagant and lavish hotels to allow immigrant families and their children stay for free for as long as they want.

Title made you look, didn’t it? Yes, this is a satirical blog. Normally, I would be serving you a dose of sarcastic humor. But sometimes the world is so messes up, satire cannot capture the enormity of the situation it tries to describe. So, instead, for a change, this post will report on what is really happening.

No, Donald Trump did not open his hotels to immigrant families. More than 2300 children still remain forcefully separated from their parents with no paper trail to allow them to be reunited with their families in the foreseeable future. They are terrified and alone. This administration has stated that they have no plan, and, indeed, no method of reuniting these children with their parents.

Donald J. Trump has signed an executive order to replace future family separations with family incarcerations. No law requires that. Crossing the border illegally is a misdemeanor, not a crime that requires detention. The atrocities of this administration amount to crimes against humanity.

Stop listening to the lies of Fox News. Read and listed to independent news and International news. The propaganda machine of this administration has descended into blatant lies to keep the public brainwashed and uninformed.

Read. Listen. Stay informed. Act. We live in times where inaction is no longer an option. Those who stay silent are complicit. Those who intentionally justify the atrocities of the current regime are guilty.

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News Sense News is (usually) a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. This instance of it, however, aims to simply somberly report the facts.