Eric Trump: Dad Already Apologized to Khan

On Tuesday, 8/2, Eric Trump, the son of Republican presidential nominee Donald John Trump, shared with reporters that his dad had already apologized to the grieving Gold Star family of Khizr Khan, whom Trump had insulted over their impassioned speech in support of his rival Hillary Rodham Clinton.

“He did,” confirmed Eric Trump with the same conviction and certainty as his father. “He offered Mr. Khan a public apology.” (see CNN source article below).

Trump, of course, has not.

“My dad also already released his tax returns,” continued the younger Trump in a manner that very much resembled that of his father. “They are already out there, publicly available,” he said, looking at the camera without blinking.

They, of course, are not.

“My father never said that Russia should have their hackers look for Hillary Clinton’s emails,” continued his statement the younger Trump, emphasizing the word never. “He also never said that Mexicans are rapists, or that a Latino judge is disqualified to judge him because he is a Latino,” he said, despite videos of his father making exactly these statements, broadcast by most major outlets in the country.

“He was never endorsed by the KKK leader David Duke, or by the Russian President Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, or by the North Korean leader Kim Jong-un,” declared further Trump’s son, despite the fact that his father has received exactly those endorsements.

“And finally, he has never, ever mentioned that he will be building a wall on the Mexican border,” said the younger Trump.

“Never,” he repeated.

Fox News published the entire interview to ensure Republican voters are aware of the truth about Donald Trump. All other news outlets, Fox stated, every single one of them, all over the world, in U.S. and internationally, without any exception, are making up lies to make the candidate they have been paid to promote appear unfit for the U.S. Presidency.

– – –

Source (CNN): Eric Trump: Dad Already Apologized to Khan

– – –

News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness. As is the case for this post, it is frequently based on real news, and not that far from it.

– – –

Also relevant: North Korea Endorses Donald Trump for President

Trump: Obama is the Most Ignorant President

“Obama is the most ignorant President the U.S. has ever had,” said Republican Presidential Nominee Donald John Trump today, pointing out that the difference is quite apparent when Obama is compared to presidents like George Bush, George W. Bush, or the should-have-been-president Dan Quayle.

“Kenny Baker is the tallest person who ever lived,” continued Trump, referring to the famous actor who acted R2D2 in the legendary Star Wars saga. “Trust me, folks, trust me. No one as tall as him has ever existed on Earth.”

“Similarly, Muhammad Ali is the worst boxer of all time,” stated Trump. “He was terrible. Awful. Everyone knows that. He should never have been a boxer.”

“Finally, Albert Einstein is the stupidest person who ever lived,” said Trump. “It’s amazing how stupid he was, folks, really amazing.” He pointed out that unless someone is of comparable intelligence to the ‘90’s cartoon characters Beavis and Butthead, who have been his own inspiration, Trump would not consider that person worth mentioning on the intelligence scale.

Fox News has touted that the comments above are the most insightful comments ever made by a Presidential candidate.

– – –

Source: Trump States Obama is the Most Ignorant President in U.S. History

– – –

News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Democrats Distracting Americans from Most Relevant Issues

On Friday, March 25, 2016, political analyst Chris Wallace of Fox News discussed the stark differences between the topics of discussion in Democratic vs Republican debates.

“Look,” he said, “Democratic debates are a sham, a distraction. Democrats keep bringing up irrelevant topics such as Education, Health Care and Global Warming.”

“Effectively,” he said, “Democrats are hoping to divert the attention of the American public from the most pertinent and urgent issues facing our country, namely, which Presidential candidate has a larger penis, and who has a prettier wife,” said Wallace.

“It is alarming,” he said, “that there are people in our country who are easily fooled by the Democratic political manipulations. It is our responsibility to ensure that Americans are focused on the issues that matter most.”

Wallace vowed, that Fox News will not betray Americans like other news networks do. Their coverage of the penis sizes of the candidates, and the looks of their wives will continue to keep Americans informed, so they can make the right choice on Election Day.

– – –

News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

– – –

Also relevant:

Fox News Makes Certain Absolutely Nothing is Mentioned about Trump and the KKK

With every major news station in the U.S. and the World breaking the news that Republican Presidential Candidate Donald John Trump would NOT condemn the white supremacist group Ku Klux Klan’s endorsement of his candidacy, one news organization, Fox News, has taken the diplomatic approach of making certain this news is not mentioned in any shape or form in its reports.

“We are not sure what you are talking about,” said Fox News anchor Chris Wallace, who has dedicated his career on covering political news. “There is no such news. We have never heard of it, and we will make sure it is never mentioned anywhere in any of our news reports.”

When confronted with the question why everyone else seems to be reporting this news, Wallace said.

“Beats me. Like I said, there is no such news.”

– – –

News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

– – –

Relevant sources:

Fox News to Support Cruz and Rubio for a Little Bit Longer

Fox News, the network that most accurately expresses the opinions of those who pay them to express these opinions, today stated that it would continue to support the two candidates that it has been paid to support at the moment, the Cuban Canadian Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz, and the Cuban American Marco Antonio Rubio.

“Unfortunately, we can no longer throw our support behind John Ellis “Jeb” Bush,” lamented Fox News TV anchor Chris Wallace, “who was the candidate we had been paid to support up to until now. With the withdrawal of Mr. Bush from the race, this revenue stream has dried up.”

“We are, therefore, switching to the next best alternatives we have been paid to promote, namely, Mr. Cruz and Mr. Rubio.”

Pressed to comment on the unexpected surge of the TV reality show star Donald John Trump, Fox News threaded carefully.

“Well, look,” said Fox News TV Host Sean Patrick Hannity. “We have been told explicitly up to until now that Mr. Trump does not represent the views of those who have been paying us. However, we have to acknowledge, that sooner or later, those who have been paying us will have no choice, but to start supporting him, or face someone with innovative and progressive views to become President. With such a lack of choice, we expect to be paid to support Mr. Trump soon, in about a week or so.”

“It is therefore important,” said Hannity, “that we switch immediately from heavily criticizing Trump for his Nazi views, to casually reporting on him in an intentionally neutral way, while Mr. Cruz and Mr. Rubio continue to hope for a miracle that would bring them ahead in this competition.”

“When the week is over,” said Hannity, “and the money we’ve been paid to promote Cruz and Rubio also dries up, we will start our enthusiastic coverage of Mr. Trump, who, we expect, will become the unwitting only hope for those who pay for our opinions.”

– – –

News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Fox News Announces O’Malley Winner of Sunday Democratic Debate

Following on what it called the “procedural and regrettably compulsory Democratic debate” on NBC on Sunday night, Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News Channel today announced that a poll conducted by the network had revealed Democratic Presidential candidate Martin Joseph O’Malley to be the undisputed winner of the debate.

“Well, as much as one can be called a winner among this group,” stated Fox News TV host Sean Patrick Hannity, who is the host of the show Hannity named aptly after his last name.

Fox News anchor Chris Wallace, who has spent the last 11 years of his life covering every single political event in American politics, also mentioned the debate.

“O’Malley came in the least weak of the three or four candidates, and his message resonated with the small group of Americans who vote for Democrats,” he said, though he admitted that he only watched part of the debate, since he had to wake up early the next day.

Little was mentioned by Fox News about the other candidates who participated in the debate.

“Whoever they were,” said Fox News anchor and senior political analyst Brit Hume, “they left no impression.”

– – –

News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Trump’s Message Resonates Well With Ordinary Middle-Class American Billionaires

THE CANADIAN PRESS/AP Photo, John Minchillo
THE CANADIAN PRESS/AP Photo, John Minchillo

Opinion poll conducted after the fourth Republican debate on Fox has confirmed that the message of presidential candidate and real estate mogul Donald John Trump has found agreeable audience in ordinary middle-class American billionaires.

“He is our guy,” said investment billionaire Carl Icahn, whose total net worth is only 20.5 billion. “He understand the day-to-day struggles middle-income American billionaires have to go through.”

“There are some of us,” explained pharmaceuticals billionaire Phillip Frost who is worth a mere 4.3 billion, “who have to make a living on single-digit billion income. If you think that’s a feasible alternative, try it, and see how many summer mansions you can support that way.”

Many appreciated specific aspects of Trump’s personality and beliefs.

“He isn’t the type who’d cry over spilled oil,” chimed in oil and gas billionaire Harold Hamm, who also falls in the single-digit billion category with a net worth of 7.4 billion.

“He appreciates the importance of owning the media and brainwashing Americans into voting the way we tell them,” shared Fox News owner billionaire Rupert Murdoch, who seems to have barely made it out of billionaire poverty with a hard-earned net worth of 11.6 billion.

“He is our guy,” stated David Koch of the Koch brothers, who, despite the fact that he belongs to the upper-middle-class of billionaires with his 41 billion net worth, graciously offered support of a candidate whose focus is the actual middle-class of billionaires. “He will make sure he Makes America Great Again for the top 50 of us. And maybe for the next 100.”

– – –

News Sense News is a satirical fake news blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Fox News: Obama Kidnapped Judge’s Kids To Force Vote

ObamaEvil

Fox News has uncovered some shocking new information that may help explain the incomprehensible recent victories of American Democracy: the Obamacare subsidy vote that ensured that Obamacare is here to stay, and the legalization of Gay Marriage in all 50 states.

“Fox discovered that Obama kidnapped the children of Justice Roberts and Justice Kennedy, and held a knife against their throats to force their fathers’ votes,” said Fox News TV Host Bill O’Reilly. “But first,” said O’Reilly, “he decapitated their pets and made them watch.”

According to Fox News, this newly discovered Fox New Fact invalidates both Supreme Court votes, since they were cast under duress and fear.

– – –

News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Republican Organization to Offer “Conversion Therapy”

2012-electoral-map

“Cookies and Tea Party” (CATP), a newly founded Republican organization, announced today that it would begin offering conversion services to help transform individuals with progressive views into Republicans.

“God created human beings to be Republicans,” stated CATP president Dick Kantorum. “It’s against nature to be anything else. We know that there are individuals who have strayed away from this path, and we are here to help them get back to what God designed them to be.”

CATP has a variety of methods for achieving their goals. These range from corporal punishment to death threats. Methods aside, what criteria are there to determine if the goal has been achieved?

“We have a variety of metrics that will help us judge if the conversion therapy was successful, explained Mr. Kantorum. “Some of them are critical and others are secondary.”

“For example, a minimum of 10 points drop in IQ constitutes a critical criterion,” shared Kantorum. “Without that, the chances of converting someone to a Republican drop significantly.”

“Another critical criterion is demonstrated discrimination against women, gays or poor people.”

“Lesser, but nevertheless important indicators are whether or not the individual has acquired hate towards Obamacare, or whether or not they ever mention environmental or climate-related issues that Congress has voted are non-existent.”

Has CATP been successful so far?

“We’ve had partial success with some of the borderline groups,” said Kantorum. “The relatively less-educated, for example, were already almost there. They just needed to be coached on fear, hatred and intolerance.”

“But,” he admitted, “they were a low hanging fruit. We still have a long way to go with the rest of the American nation.”

Are there any other organizations that offer similar services?

“Fox News has been extremely successful in offering similar services,” said Kantorum. “They are already light years ahead of us with their brainwashing techniques. Still, we believe that over time we will capture a portion of that market, since at today’s times of unnecessary progressive thinking, there is a great need for someone to keep dragging America back to the past.”

– – –

News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.