Anonymous sources have confirmed that American Talk Show Host and Political Commentator Sean Patrick Hannity, who hosts the conservative radio talk show “Sean Hannity Show”, as well as the conservative “Hannity” show on Fox News, is filing an emergency petition to legally change his name from Sean Patrick Hannity to Sarah Elizabeth Huckabee Sanders.
The sudden and urgent need has been triggered by his diminishing credibility among his listeners and viewers. “They simply do not believe that he can lie to them as effectively as the current political environment requires,” a source close to Hannity stated under conditions of anonymity.
To be fair, Hannity has already built a very successful career as a professional liar and manipulator of public opinion. Over the past two years, however, his undoubtedly outstanding skills have been all but eclipsed by newcomers to the field of public lying. Specifically, relatively recent additions such as pundit Kellyanne Elizabeth Conway and White House Press Secretary Sarah Elizabeth Huckabee Sanders have made Hannity feel, in his own words, “devastatedly inferior”. Sarah, as he likes to call her in a sign of admiration and reverence instead of referring to her last name, for example, has succeeded to achieve the impressive average of 5.1 lies per sentence in recent televised events, while Hannity has barely managed 3.0, despite intentional attempts at longer sentences, and only after a rounding off to the nearest decimal (his actual average is 2.952).
Hannity’s decision to change his name is an attempt for a fresh new start. His name change petition was filed as a rush order so he could preemptively precede any of his other Fox News colleagues from coming up with the same idea and changing theirs first.
When finalized, his name change would cascade down to name changes of his shows. Both would be named after his new second name: “The Elizabeth Show” and “Elizabeth”. This way, Hannity shrewdly strategized, he would pay homage to both of his top rivals: Sarah Elizabeth Huckabee Sanders and Kellyanne Elizabeth Conway.
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