Miss South Carolina 2007 on Trump’s Recent Debate

Today, Miss South Carolina 2007, a staunch supporter of Republican Presidential nominee Donald James Trump threw her weight behind Trump’s most recent discussion of the size of his hands, and the implication of that size for the size of his penis, during a nationally televised Republican debate.

“I personally believe,” Miss South Carolina said in an astounding display of clarity uncharacteristic of her when discussing other topics, “that Mr. Trump has a medium sized [penis]. The strange thing about it is this one piece of hanging foreskin, but that is ok if he just wants to be President.”

Asked to clarify what she means, Ms. South Carolina simply replied: “U.S. Americans are able to do so, such as.”

Asked if she came to her conclusions based solely on the size of Mr. Trump’s hands, Miss South Carolina said “Yes. I personally believe that.”

She was invited to comment on other candidates in the Republican race.

“That Mexican guy from Florida,” she said, referring to the Cuban Marco Rubio. “He has really big ears. I haven’t seen his [penis],” she said, “but from his ears, I can tell it’s really big.”

She declined to comment whether or not that would qualify him as a better candidate than Trump, since the interview was getting too long.

See a video of her discussing other important world issues.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Random Non-Experts Weigh in Heavily on Non-Existence of Climate Change

Random non-experts, who have been completely unfamiliar with the issue, and have spent no time at all trying to understand the complexity of it, weighed in heavily towards the assertion that climate change does not exist, and, in addition, it is not man made.

“There ain’t no such thing,” said Alicia Butts from Eagle Mountain, Utah, who works as a part-time waitress at Arby’s. Asked if she would change her opinion if we left her a 20% tip, she acquiesced, “Sure, honey, whatever suits you.”

Todd Akin, a graduate of the Covenant Theological Seminary in Creve Coeur, MO, also shared his views. “The sun itself has variable output, which affects temperature cycles [1],” he said. “Although this is not true at night,” he clarified.

Miss South Carolina 2007, a former beauty queen who had been known to entertain complex opinions, spoke eloquently, and with grace: “I personally believe,” she said, “that things such as, are unable to do so. The U.S. should do more to help the U.S.” she recommended.

The issue did not slip away from national political discussions either. Presidential candidate Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz, who for some reason still believes he is eligible to run for President despite the fact that he is born in Canada, also expressed his strong opinion. “The Holy Book has no mention of climate change,” he said. “I will repeal climate change the first day I am in office,” he promised, even though he can never be elected according to the Constitution.

Clyde Hogan, a resident of the Roll-a-Home trailer park in Cripple Creek, CO, was the most expressive of all of them. He stated his beliefs on the matter by posing a rhetorical question. “What the f*ck you talkin about,” he asked, deftly rejecting the idea via implicit dismissal.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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  1. This first part is actually a real quote by Todd Akin, a former U.S. Representative from the state of Missouri, who knows just as much about climate change as Miss South Carolina knows about analytical geometry: https://www.skepticalscience.com/skepticquotes.php?s=56

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Related: U.S. Senate Rejects Theory of Relativity in 50-49 Vote

 

Black Man to be Found Guilty of Being Shot in the Back

Walter_Scott_Shooting

Dead Black man Walter Scott has been charged today for being shot in the back by White police officer Michael Slager.

This unexpected charge comes in the heels of an extraordinary coincidence. Initially, the shooting had drawn no attention, since all that was known was that Mr. Scott had been found lying face down on the ground with his hands handcuffed behind his back, bullet holes on his body.

Later, however, it became clear that someone had videotaped the entire incident. The video answered a lot of questions. Specifically, it became clear that Mr. Scott was not simply lying down, but he had, in fact, been shot in the back while running away unarmed from police officer Mr. Slager.

The video is considered critical evidence and could be used as such if it is in fact permitted to be used in court; the latter is not yet certain because, due to its graphic nature, it may be dismissed so that the sensitivities of the judge and jury are not offended.

If allowed, however, the video will most certainly lead to a conviction, as it shows that Mr. Scott is unquestionably guilty of being shot in the back.

Such conviction, some could argue, may not necessarily lead to closure. Since Mr. Scott is dead, any sentencing will be purely symbolic. Still, what is important here is that justice is served and that Mr. Scott is indeed found guilty of being shot in the back.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims to criticize and ridicule ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It has, at times, taken up raising awareness of social issues that are clearly unacceptable in a civilized world.