Trump Responds to Climate Change Report

On Monday, the Government Accountability Office (GAO), a non-partisan organization which provides pertinent unbiased information to U.S. Congress, released an alarming report** sharing the most recent compiled data on the grave threat that climate change poses to the U.S. and the world.

Events such as more powerful hurricanes caused by rising ocean temperatures, or more devastating wildfires due to more pronounced droughts, have cost the U.S. alone more than $350 billion over the last decade.

GAO urged president Trump to take immediate action and “craft appropriate federal responses” to such potential catastrophic scenarios.

President Trump remained presidential upon hearing of the report. He put his index fingers into both of his ears, and sang loudly “la la la”.

Fox News## was quick to inform their readers that, once again, president Trump has provided “the most appropriate response” to the issue posed in front of him.

“True leadership,” stated Fox News, “unlike the president that came before him”, failing to name president Obama by name, and condemning Obama’s creation of the Environmental Protection Agency Clean Power Plan and his steadfast participation in the Paris Climate Accord, actions that president Trump has worked very hard to reverse, joining the only two other countries in the world who are not part of that accord, Nicaragua and Syria.

** Source: Government Report Calls on Trump to Act on Climate Change (CNN)
## Fox News Documentary (strongly recommended)

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Random Non-Experts Weigh in Heavily on Non-Existence of Climate Change

Random non-experts, who have been completely unfamiliar with the issue, and have spent no time at all trying to understand the complexity of it, weighed in heavily towards the assertion that climate change does not exist, and, in addition, it is not man made.

“There ain’t no such thing,” said Alicia Butts from Eagle Mountain, Utah, who works as a part-time waitress at Arby’s. Asked if she would change her opinion if we left her a 20% tip, she acquiesced, “Sure, honey, whatever suits you.”

Todd Akin, a graduate of the Covenant Theological Seminary in Creve Coeur, MO, also shared his views. “The sun itself has variable output, which affects temperature cycles [1],” he said. “Although this is not true at night,” he clarified.

Miss South Carolina 2007, a former beauty queen who had been known to entertain complex opinions, spoke eloquently, and with grace: “I personally believe,” she said, “that things such as, are unable to do so. The U.S. should do more to help the U.S.” she recommended.

The issue did not slip away from national political discussions either. Presidential candidate Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz, who for some reason still believes he is eligible to run for President despite the fact that he is born in Canada, also expressed his strong opinion. “The Holy Book has no mention of climate change,” he said. “I will repeal climate change the first day I am in office,” he promised, even though he can never be elected according to the Constitution.

Clyde Hogan, a resident of the Roll-a-Home trailer park in Cripple Creek, CO, was the most expressive of all of them. He stated his beliefs on the matter by posing a rhetorical question. “What the f*ck you talkin about,” he asked, deftly rejecting the idea via implicit dismissal.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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1. This first part is actually a real quote by Todd Akin, a former U.S. Representative from the state of Missouri, who knows just as much about climate change as Miss South Carolina knows about analytical geometry: https://www.skepticalscience.com/skepticquotes.php?s=56

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Related: U.S. Senate Rejects Theory of Relativity in 50-49 Vote

 

Florida Governor Rick Scott Bans the Term “Penis Size” in His Family

News just hit the wire that Florida Governor Richard “Rick” Lynn Scott banned the use of the term “Penis Size” in his family.

“We don’t want to be talking about things that are not confirmed facts,” he stated.

This latest ban happens on the heels of several similar bans he had instituted at the State level. Starting with a ban on the use of the terms “Climate Change”, “Global Warming” or “Sustainability”, he moved on to banning terms such as “World Hunger”, “Racism”, “Sexism”, “Equal Pay”, “Pro-Choice”, “Human Rights”, “Marriage Equality”, “Gun Control”.

He then quickly moved to banning terms such as “Republican IQ” and “Idiotic Moron” for reasons he declined to disclose.

He attempted, though failed to ban approximately 80% of the words in the Oxford English Dictionary. His failure was due to the fact that he could not describe the ban in a written form without the use of the words he was trying to ban.

The latest bans, however, have gone as granular as at the level of his own family. At first, he only banned the use of the terms “Asshole”, “Loser”, “Hate You” and “Divorce”. The latest ban was on the use of the term “Penis Size”.

“Terms that cannot be publicly verified should not be discussed,” he explained.

Mr. Scott’s wife Ann Scott has acknowledged that Mr. Scott’s unprecedented bans have led to one very critical consequence.

“It’s really quiet at home now,” she shared. “I suppose this should be counted as a blessing.”

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News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims to criticize and ridicule ignorance and narrow-mindedness.