President Trump’s Letter to Korean Leader Kim Jong-un

Today, Thursday, May 24th, President Donald John Trump canceled his long anticipated meeting with North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un. Our staff was able to obtain the original version of President Trump’s letter, as well as the revisions done by his staff prior to finalizing the draft. Mr. Trump’s original text is provided in red, and the reductions to it are provided in gray.

Here they are:

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Kim Jong in North Korea His Excellency
Kim Jong Un
 (You guys know the address) Chairman of the State Affairs Commission
of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea
Pyongyang

Kim-Jong, you made a bad choice. Big, big mistake. We greatly appreciate your time, patience, and effort with respect to our recent negotiations and discussions relative to a summit long sought by both parties, which was scheduled to take place on June 12 in Singapore. We were informed that the meeting was requested by North Korea, but that to us is totally irrelevant. I was very much looking forward to being there with you. Too much anger. Sadly, based on the tremendous anger and open hostility displayed in your most recent statement, I feel it is inappropriate, at this time, to have this long-planned meeting.

Too bad. Your loss. Meeting is off. Therefore, please let this letter serve to represent that the Singapore summit, for the good of both parties, but to the detriment of the world, will not take place.We have more nukes. We will use them. We will level NK any time we want. Just so you know. You talk about nuclear capabilities, but ours are so massive and powerful that I pray to God they will never have to be used.

Looked like it was all going well. I felt a wonderful dialogue was building up between you and me, and ultimately, it is only that dialogue that matters. They were going to give me Nobel Prize, you know. They said it. And then you said some stupid things. Stupid, stupid things. Big mistake. I don’t care about the Nobel Prize. I may still get it, even without you. Some day, I look very much forward to meeting you. In the meantime, I want to thank you for the release of the hostages who are now home with their families. That was a beautiful gesture and was very much appreciated.

Maybe you’ll change your mind. If you change your mind having to do with this most important summit, please do not hesitate to call me or write. The world, and North Korea in particular, has lost a great opportunity for lasting peace and great prosperity and wealth. This missed opportunity is a truly sad moment in history.

We have more nukes. If you do, we may reschedule. Maybe. If you are really nice. But otherwise, we’ll nuke North Korea.

Sincerely yours,
Donald Trump, President of the World Donald J. Trump
President of the United States of America

 

Source: Read President Trump’s Letter to Kim Canceling the Summit (CNN)

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.

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Trump Cancels North Korea Summit, Quotes Winning

Today, Thursday, May 24, president Donald John Trump announced that after careful consideration he is canceling the long awaited summit with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.

“So much winning would be too much for any one president,” he explained his reasons. “We have been winning every single day since I took office. It has been tremendous. But I promised Americans that they will get tired of winning, and today, I have delivered on that promise.”

Mr. Trump acknowledged that this particular win was difficult to give up.

“Yes, I would have gotten a Nobel Prize for this one,” he said. “They asked me, do you want a Nobel Prize? They asked me that, you know. I deserve it. No one deserves it better than me. But I thought about it, and I said, that would be too much winning. They may still give me one, I don’t know, maybe they will, but at this point, I am more interested in starting to win less. Because, you know, the American people are getting tired. They have never seen that much winning. They don’t know how to handle that.”

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.

Trump Reaches Out to North Korea With Hopeful Ask

Following a string of recent firings as well as voluntary departures from his administration,  the most recent one being of his own National Security Advisor General H.R. McMaster, president Donald J. Trump is extending a hand of friendship to North Korea, an old arch-nemesis, in the hope of a deeper partnership.

“Look, we have a lot in common,” he said regarding his informally mentioned upcoming meeting with North Korea’s reclusive leader Kim Jong Un. “We have tremendous respect for each other, and we are both competent, admired leaders, loved by everyone in our countries.”

The agenda of the meeting, which is never intended to take place, is still unclear. However, one of the very, very few remaining sources close to the president, who would like to remain anonymous, but admits that this is becoming increasingly harder due to the continuous shrinking of that already tiny group, has leaked out information that the President is hoping to ask Kim for ideas of how to run the country with fewer and fewer staff, including, if needed, with staff of zero.

The President’s spokeswoman Sarah Sanders indirectly confirmed that need. “We are, indeed, running out of good, quality people,” she shared. “There just aren’t enough Climate Change Deniers, Holocaust Deniers, Science Deniers, Fact Deniers, Neo-Nazis and White Supremacists who have not already been hired and then fired by the President.”

We asked the president’s own Counselor, Ms. Kellyanne Conway, also known under the loving nickname “the Con-girl”, of her opinion of the most recent administration departure, the president’s National Security Advisor, General H.R. McMaster.

“General H.R. McMaster never left,” Conway answered with her characteristic honesty. “He is still actively employed by the president, as are Andrew McCabe, Rex Tillerson, John McEntee, Gary Cohn, Roberta Jacobson, Hope Hicks, Josh Raffel, David Sorensen, Rachel Brand, Rob Porter, Omarosa Manigault Newman, Richard Cordray, Tom Price, Sebastian Gorka, Steve Bannon, Anthony Scaramucci, Reince Priebus, Michael Short, Sean Spicer, Walter Shaub, Michael Dubke, James Comey, Katie Walsh, Preet Bharara, Michael Flynn, Sally Yates…”

We had to cut her off, because our reporter had to, at some point, go home.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real news.