Hillary Lies, Again. Donald Tells It As It Is.

The Second Presidential debate of Presidential Election 2016, hosted in Washington University in St. Louis, MO, and moderated by CNN’s Anderson Cooper and ABC’s Martha Raddatz, highlighted, once again, the poignant issues and personality differences between the two debating candidates.

Never had these differences and traits been more apparent than during the candidates’ closing statements, which, befittingly, solidified and put an emphatic exclamation mark on their positions and beliefs.

Secretary Hillary Rodham Clinton ended the debate, once again, with an outward lie.

“I respect his children,” she said. “His children are incredibly able and devoted.”

American voters reeled from the obvious falsehood of her statement. A simple Google check on Donald Trump, or his children, is sufficient for American voters to understand how insincere and untrue Hillary’s statement was.

Donald John Trump, on the other hand, told it exactly as it is:

“She doesn’t quit,” he said. “She doesn’t give up. I tell it like it is. She’s a fighter.”

He stopped short of sharing his sincere belief that Ms. Clinton will be the next President of the United States, but American audiences who are used to his usual subtle and modest way of expression had no difficulty understanding his implied message.

#debates #debates2016

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Poll Finds Trump, Clinton Tied

Zbinek Gjdanovski, a national of the Republic of Poland, was just looking for a restroom when he walked into the Royal Payne hotel in Manhattan, NYC. He walked past the concierge, where a small line of men dressed in dark business suits had lined up patiently. He walked past the dark, green marble reception desk, where a busy receptionist was chatting away on the phone with a professional expression on his clean shaven face. Finally, he turned a corner and walked into what he believed would be a restroom.

He found himself in a luxurious, posh decorated hotel room, with its heavy, plush crimson curtains drawn shut. The only light came from a small, red bed lamp with hanging golden macramé, which reflected in the mirrored ceiling.

On the heavy mahogany bed, naked, lay the current Republican Presidential Nominee Donald John Trump and the current Democratic Presidential Nominee Hillary Clinton. They were tied by the wrists with soft, velvet ropes, facing each other, on opposing headboards.

The two Presidential Candidates were slightly surprised by the visitor, and asked if he were by any chance Ruby Cream, the dressed-as-a-male lady they had both been expecting. Finding that Zbinek was just a random walk-in, the two hastily asked if he would be interested in getting $15,000 for a short game of “Follow My Presidential Orders”. When Mr. Gjdanovski politely declined, the two commanded him to leave and keep his mouth shut or else “the Second Amendement People” would take care of him. The latter statement came from Mr. Trump.

Correction: Our writing staff just found out that the word “poll”, spelled “p-o-l-l”, in the title, actually refers to a questionnaire sent out to potential voters, and not, as they initially assumed, to a citizen of Polish nationality, which would have been spelled “P-o-l-e”. There was a similar misunderstanding of the term “tied”. News Sense News is therefore withdrawing this story and apologizing for any inadvertent misunderstanding it may have caused.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness. As is the case for this post, it is frequently based on real news.

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Post Correction:

Due to the correction above, our team has been unable to share the alleged photo of this alleged occurrence, now found to be due to simple title misunderstanding. Had this misunderstanding not taken place, we would have shared the following photo with you to illustrate what Mr. Gjdanovski encountered when he mistakenly entered this unexpected hotel room.

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Trump: I Would be a Better Boxer than Ali

Following his Thursday night statement that he would be a better choice for women than female Presidential nominee, feminist, and women’s rights champion Hillary Rodham Clinton,  presumptive Republican nominee Donald John Trump stated that he would make a better boxer than recently diseased heavyweight world champion and boxing legend Muhammad Ali.

“You know this is true, folks,” said Trump. “You know it is true. You tell me, who is a better boxer than Donald Trump?”

Asked if he had ever boxed in his life, Trump said.

“Look, I don’t talk about it, ok?” he said. “I’m just gonna do it. I’ll do it. People tell me that all the time. I’m just gonna do it. And it will be tremendous.”

Later that day, Trump went on to further claim that he would also be a better singer than American rock legend Elvis Aaron Presley.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Also relevant:

Wisconsin’s Scott Walker Joins the Race With Unique Message

Credited to Gage Skidmore
Photo Credited to Gage Skidmore

Wisconsin’s Governor Scott Kevin Walker is joining the Republican ticket in the 2016 Presidential Election. Unlike his opponents, Democrat or Republican alike, however, he has a clear and unique message to his electorate:

“Americans deserve a leader who will fight and win for them,” said Walker.

Walker’s message is indeed refreshingly unique and disingenuously creative, since no other candidate in history has ever come up with anything like it before.

Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders, for example, are focused on building out the middle class and improving education and health care for everyone. Jeb Bush represents the oil industry and the Koch brothers. Donald Trump promises to build walls and bomb oil fields so that Mexicans and ISIS alike are annihilated from the face of the Earth. Ted Cruz will most likely fight for either Cuba, where he is from, or Canada, where he was born.

“No other candidate focuses on what’s important,” stressed Walker to make sure he distinguishes himself from the rest of the candidates. “And what’s important is Americans,” he said simply, adding a dramatic pause so that the full weight of his words can sink in. “I bet you have never heard this message before, and must be really excited to finally have a candidate that tells it to you as simply and clearly as I do.”

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News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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Other references, if you care to read more: Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Donald Trump

Presidential Candidates’ Reaction to Equality of Marriage Vote

2016_Presidential_Candidates

On Friday, 6/26, the United States Supreme Court upheld the right of gay and lesbian Americans to marry, a measure that made history in the steps the United States has taken towards equality of its citizens.

Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz, who for some unknown reason still believes he is eligible to run for the Presidency, was quick to react. “Repeal,” he summarized his opinion in one word. “We will appeal, and we will repeal,” he said.

Noticing the catchy phrase, he instantly capitalized on it. “Appeal-repeal, appeal-repeal!” he chanted, pumping his fist in the air. One supporter clapped his hands in rhythm with the chant. This allowed the caretakers from the hospital from which this supporter had escaped locate him, and they came rushing to have him removed for his own safety.

“Oh, God! Oooh, God! How could you ever allow such sin on the face of this earth!” mumbled presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, his eyes closed and palms open as if he were reading from the Holy Book. “Wait a second,” he said shortly after, opening his eyes in realization. “This cannot be the work of God. Anathema! Anathema!” he shouted, crossing himself and spitting inside his shirt.

“It won’t hold water,” repeated his first reaction Presidential candidate Marco Rubio of Florida. “It’s full of holes. And one hole is enough for all the water to flow out,” he clarified.

“It’s the second Horseman of the Apocalypse,” said wide-eyed Michele Bachmann. “The first Horseman was the Obamacare vote. We are so near to the Apocalypse, I can smell it!”

“That was me, honey,” whispered her husband Marcus Bachmann who was standing right next to her. “Sorry, I had beans for lunch…”

“I don’t know. I really don’t know,” said Presidential hopeful Jeb Bush of Florida. He retracted his previous comment that he will wait for his brother’s reaction before he expresses an opinion, but continued to remain ambivalent.

“I think that decision is good,” chimed in newly announced Presidential hopeful Donald Trump. “More hotel bookings!” he explained excitedly, rubbing his palms together.

“Awesome news!” said Hillary Clinton. “And Bill, you have nothing to worry about,” she said, addressing her husband and former President Bill Clinton, who appeared to be checking out female campaign staffers with expression of both interest and concern.

“I didn’t order this traffic jam,” said a confused Presidential Candidate Chris Christie looking out of his window, having missed on the news of the Supreme Court decision. “Or did I? Honey, was I drunk last night?” he asked.

More reactions are expected later, as Presidential candidates have a chance to discuss the new ruling with their campaign advisers.

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News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.