President Trump’s Letter to Korean Leader Kim Jong-un

Today, Thursday, May 24th, President Donald John Trump canceled his long anticipated meeting with North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un. Our staff was able to obtain the original version of President Trump’s letter, as well as the revisions done by his staff prior to finalizing the draft. Mr. Trump’s original text is provided in red, and the reductions to it are provided in gray.

Here they are:

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Kim Jong in North Korea His Excellency
Kim Jong Un
 (You guys know the address) Chairman of the State Affairs Commission
of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea
Pyongyang

Kim-Jong, you made a bad choice. Big, big mistake. We greatly appreciate your time, patience, and effort with respect to our recent negotiations and discussions relative to a summit long sought by both parties, which was scheduled to take place on June 12 in Singapore. We were informed that the meeting was requested by North Korea, but that to us is totally irrelevant. I was very much looking forward to being there with you. Too much anger. Sadly, based on the tremendous anger and open hostility displayed in your most recent statement, I feel it is inappropriate, at this time, to have this long-planned meeting.

Too bad. Your loss. Meeting is off. Therefore, please let this letter serve to represent that the Singapore summit, for the good of both parties, but to the detriment of the world, will not take place.We have more nukes. We will use them. We will level NK any time we want. Just so you know. You talk about nuclear capabilities, but ours are so massive and powerful that I pray to God they will never have to be used.

Looked like it was all going well. I felt a wonderful dialogue was building up between you and me, and ultimately, it is only that dialogue that matters. They were going to give me Nobel Prize, you know. They said it. And then you said some stupid things. Stupid, stupid things. Big mistake. I don’t care about the Nobel Prize. I may still get it, even without you. Some day, I look very much forward to meeting you. In the meantime, I want to thank you for the release of the hostages who are now home with their families. That was a beautiful gesture and was very much appreciated.

Maybe you’ll change your mind. If you change your mind having to do with this most important summit, please do not hesitate to call me or write. The world, and North Korea in particular, has lost a great opportunity for lasting peace and great prosperity and wealth. This missed opportunity is a truly sad moment in history.

We have more nukes. If you do, we may reschedule. Maybe. If you are really nice. But otherwise, we’ll nuke North Korea.

Sincerely yours,
Donald Trump, President of the World Donald J. Trump
President of the United States of America

 

Source: Read President Trump’s Letter to Kim Canceling the Summit (CNN)

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.

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Trump Cancels North Korea Summit, Quotes Winning

Today, Thursday, May 24, president Donald John Trump announced that after careful consideration he is canceling the long awaited summit with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.

“So much winning would be too much for any one president,” he explained his reasons. “We have been winning every single day since I took office. It has been tremendous. But I promised Americans that they will get tired of winning, and today, I have delivered on that promise.”

Mr. Trump acknowledged that this particular win was difficult to give up.

“Yes, I would have gotten a Nobel Prize for this one,” he said. “They asked me, do you want a Nobel Prize? They asked me that, you know. I deserve it. No one deserves it better than me. But I thought about it, and I said, that would be too much winning. They may still give me one, I don’t know, maybe they will, but at this point, I am more interested in starting to win less. Because, you know, the American people are getting tired. They have never seen that much winning. They don’t know how to handle that.”

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is often inspired by very, very real news.

Trump Reaches Out to North Korea With Hopeful Ask

Following a string of recent firings as well as voluntary departures from his administration,  the most recent one being of his own National Security Advisor General H.R. McMaster, president Donald J. Trump is extending a hand of friendship to North Korea, an old arch-nemesis, in the hope of a deeper partnership.

“Look, we have a lot in common,” he said regarding his informally mentioned upcoming meeting with North Korea’s reclusive leader Kim Jong Un. “We have tremendous respect for each other, and we are both competent, admired leaders, loved by everyone in our countries.”

The agenda of the meeting, which is never intended to take place, is still unclear. However, one of the very, very few remaining sources close to the president, who would like to remain anonymous, but admits that this is becoming increasingly harder due to the continuous shrinking of that already tiny group, has leaked out information that the President is hoping to ask Kim for ideas of how to run the country with fewer and fewer staff, including, if needed, with staff of zero.

The President’s spokeswoman Sarah Sanders indirectly confirmed that need. “We are, indeed, running out of good, quality people,” she shared. “There just aren’t enough Climate Change Deniers, Holocaust Deniers, Science Deniers, Fact Deniers, Neo-Nazis and White Supremacists who have not already been hired and then fired by the President.”

We asked the president’s own Counselor, Ms. Kellyanne Conway, also known under the loving nickname “the Con-girl”, of her opinion of the most recent administration departure, the president’s National Security Advisor, General H.R. McMaster.

“General H.R. McMaster never left,” Conway answered with her characteristic honesty. “He is still actively employed by the president, as are Andrew McCabe, Rex Tillerson, John McEntee, Gary Cohn, Roberta Jacobson, Hope Hicks, Josh Raffel, David Sorensen, Rachel Brand, Rob Porter, Omarosa Manigault Newman, Richard Cordray, Tom Price, Sebastian Gorka, Steve Bannon, Anthony Scaramucci, Reince Priebus, Michael Short, Sean Spicer, Walter Shaub, Michael Dubke, James Comey, Katie Walsh, Preet Bharara, Michael Flynn, Sally Yates…”

We had to cut her off, because our reporter had to, at some point, go home.

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real news.

 

Eric Trump: Dad Already Apologized to Khan

On Tuesday, 8/2, Eric Trump, the son of Republican presidential nominee Donald John Trump, shared with reporters that his dad had already apologized to the grieving Gold Star family of Khizr Khan, whom Trump had insulted over their impassioned speech in support of his rival Hillary Rodham Clinton.

“He did,” confirmed Eric Trump with the same conviction and certainty as his father. “He offered Mr. Khan a public apology.” (see CNN source article below).

Trump, of course, has not.

“My dad also already released his tax returns,” continued the younger Trump in a manner that very much resembled that of his father. “They are already out there, publicly available,” he said, looking at the camera without blinking.

They, of course, are not.

“My father never said that Russia should have their hackers look for Hillary Clinton’s emails,” continued his statement the younger Trump, emphasizing the word never. “He also never said that Mexicans are rapists, or that a Latino judge is disqualified to judge him because he is a Latino,” he said, despite videos of his father making exactly these statements, broadcast by most major outlets in the country.

“He was never endorsed by the KKK leader David Duke, or by the Russian President Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, or by the North Korean leader Kim Jong-un,” declared further Trump’s son, despite the fact that his father has received exactly those endorsements.

“And finally, he has never, ever mentioned that he will be building a wall on the Mexican border,” said the younger Trump.

“Never,” he repeated.

Fox News published the entire interview to ensure Republican voters are aware of the truth about Donald Trump. All other news outlets, Fox stated, every single one of them, all over the world, in U.S. and internationally, without any exception, are making up lies to make the candidate they have been paid to promote appear unfit for the U.S. Presidency.

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Source (CNN): Eric Trump: Dad Already Apologized to Khan

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness. As is the case for this post, it is frequently based on real news, and not that far from it.

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Also relevant: North Korea Endorses Donald Trump for President

North Korea Re-Endorses Donald Trump for President

On Thursday, 07/06, DPRK Today, the Government-sponsored Editorial of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK), also commonly known as North Korea, re-stated their enthusiastic endorsement of Republican Presidential candidate Donald John Trump as their preferred choice for U.S. President.

(Read The Huffington Post News of the DPRK’s original endorsement or the actual DPRK Today article (Korean))

Trump is a “wise politician” and a “far-sighted presidential candidate”, the DPRK article stated. He is insightful as well as handsome. He, alone, would be the best thing that could happen to the Democratic People’s Republic. Ever.

We were able to sneak in a carefully disguised reporter into the DPRK, who, in turn, was able to provide us with a realistic idea of the general sentiment on the ground.

“I’m euphoric,” said DPRK citizen Pak Pong-ju, who limped across a city square, leaning on a wooden stick that he used as a cane. “I’ve been skipping along the street all day. The news of Donald Trump’s nomination is the best thing I’ve heard for years!”

“My heart is singing,” said Song Do-Hui, a thin, malnourished young lady wearing a ragged T-shirt with a large red star. “This is the day our Communist fathers predicted will come.”

“Never before have I woken up with such a feeling with optimism!” exclaimed Huang Pyong-so, an elderly, homeless man, who had just been told the news by the driver of the garbage truck who came to collect the garbage behind which Huang was sleeping.

The country’s Supreme Leader and Chairman of the Worker’s Party of Korea Kim Jong-un also expressed his happiness in a televised speech.

“Comrades!” he stated. “We may very well be close to our goal. Very, very close. All we need to do is hope, as we have hoped for generations, that Donald Trump is elected President of our mortal capitalist enemy, the United States of America. On that day, finally, we will see our decades-old dreams realized.”

He declined to comment on the nature of the said dreams, but re-affirmed his certainty that other great leaders such as Iran’s Supreme Leader, Grand Ayatollah Sayyid Ali Hosseini Khamenei, would also echo his enthusiastic endorsement of possible Trump presidency.

Source: Huffington Post, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/north-korea-donald-trump-editorial_us_574d94c6e4b055bb1172a366

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News Sense News is a satirical blog of fake news that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness. As it is the case for this post, it is frequently based on real news, and not that far from it.

Dennis Rodman Will Not Bring Officer Pantaleo to Kim Jong-Un

Dennis_Rodman

American celebrity and basketball legend Dennis Rodman shared with us today that his good friend Kim Jong-Un, supreme leader of the People’s Republic of Korea, has expressed his strong desire to meet NYPD officer Daniel Pantaleo, whom he idolizes as a hero for his complete lack of moral fiber and his unrestrained drive for excessive violence and aggression that goes beyond any human norms.

(See related article Kim Jong-Un to Erect Statue of Officer Pantaleo)

“Yeah, Jong-Jong asked, in fact pretty much ordered me to bring Pantaleo along next time I go visit,” said Rodman, using an endearing nickname to refer to his close friend.

Will Mr. Rodman comply with this demand?

“I thought about it,” Rodman started carefully. “A lot.”

Thinking doesn’t do much, in our humble opinion. What will Mr. Rodman do?

“I thought I could meet him half-way,” said Rodman. “You know, bring in along a couple other NYPD cops for show and tell, but Jongie wouldn’t have it. He wants the hero himself.”

Why is it so difficult for Mr. Rodman to meet Kim’s actual demand?

“The police, you know, ain’t exactly my good friends,” confessed Rodman, looking briskly over his shoulder by habit. “Who knows what they’d do if I happen to accidentally drug some chick in the hotel, or if I violate my rehab orders.”

But the police is there to ensure the safety and security of everyone, including Mr. Rodman.

“Yeah, right,” said Rodman. “Except for one little thing. You probably don’t know this, but under all these tattoos, I’m actually a Black man.”

Reclusive North Korean Leader Kim Jong-Un to Erect Statue of Officer Daniel Pantaleo in Historic Landmark Square

Kumsusan_Memorial_Palace

The mysterious and powerful North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un rarely comes out of his solitary, hermit shell, but when he does, it is to honor those to whom he looks up to for guidance and inspiration.

Today, he announced his plans to erect a 20-foot statue of NYPD Officer Daniel Pantaleo at the historic square in front of his father’s Mausoleum, the majestic Kumsusan Palace of the Sun, situated in the presigious North-East corner of Pyongyang.

The statue will feature Panteleo in a power pose, holding a suffocating Black man in a choke-hold. The magnificent statue will tower above the square on a solid rectangular granite pedestal, and a gold-plated plaque would have the words “I can’t breathe” engraved finely with a platinum in-lay.

Of course, the words will be a Korean translation.

“Officer Pantaleo is my hero,” the North Korean leader said. “I bow my head in humble admiration to him. He is the living proof that the model we have been elusively pursuing to build here, in the People’s Republic of Korea, is actually possible, and it works.”

Asked if he would be open to meeting Pantaleo in person, the North Korean leader could hardly contain his excitement.

“I would pee in my pants!” he said in an unusual moment of unrehearsed sincerity.

What, if anything, would Mr. Kim ask of Mr. Pantaleo if he had the chance?

“Teach us! Show us the way!” cried an elated Kim Jong-Un. “We need to know how to build a society, where police has the unrestricted power to torture and kill with no accountability and no consequences!”

What else has Mr. Kim been considering regarding his newly found hero?

“Even though we are a secular state,” Mr. Kim said, “I have actually been toying with the idea of deifying Officer Pantaleo. We can create a religion centered around Mr. Pantaleo, so that my closest cohort can revel and worship his heroic dedication to unbridled police brutality!”