Reclusive North Korean Leader Kim Jong-Un to Erect Statue of Officer Daniel Pantaleo in Historic Landmark Square

Kumsusan_Memorial_Palace

The mysterious and powerful North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un rarely comes out of his solitary, hermit shell, but when he does, it is to honor those to whom he looks up to for guidance and inspiration.

Today, he announced his plans to erect a 20-foot statue of NYPD Officer Daniel Pantaleo at the historic square in front of his father’s Mausoleum, the majestic Kumsusan Palace of the Sun, situated in the presigious North-East corner of Pyongyang.

The statue will feature Panteleo in a power pose, holding a suffocating Black man in a choke-hold. The magnificent statue will tower above the square on a solid rectangular granite pedestal, and a gold-plated plaque would have the words “I can’t breathe” engraved finely with a platinum in-lay.

Of course, the words will be a Korean translation.

“Officer Pantaleo is my hero,” the North Korean leader said. “I bow my head in humble admiration to him. He is the living proof that the model we have been elusively pursuing to build here, in the People’s Republic of Korea, is actually possible, and it works.”

Asked if he would be open to meeting Pantaleo in person, the North Korean leader could hardly contain his excitement.

“I would pee in my pants!” he said in an unusual moment of unrehearsed sincerity.

What, if anything, would Mr. Kim ask of Mr. Pantaleo if he had the chance?

“Teach us! Show us the way!” cried an elated Kim Jong-Un. “We need to know how to build a society, where police has the unrestricted power to torture and kill with no accountability and no consequences!”

What else has Mr. Kim been considering regarding his newly found hero?

“Even though we are a secular state,” Mr. Kim said, “I have actually been toying with the idea of deifying Officer Pantaleo. We can create a religion centered around Mr. Pantaleo, so that my closest cohort can revel and worship his heroic dedication to unbridled police brutality!”

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