Judge Berman on Possible Bid for Presidency


As if all the drama on the political arena has not been enough with 22 total presidential candidates so far, and counting. Another name has been unwittingly added to the hat, promising to throw the race into even more uncharted waters.

Judge Richard M. Berman, Judge of the United States District Court for the Southern District of New York, has been gaining overnight popularity, quickly threatening to match the blazing stars of the 2016 presidential race, Mr. Donald Trump and Mr. Bernie Sanders.

“He is an American Hero,” said Josh Ramirez, resident of the contested Miami-Dade region of Florida that falsified election data to allow George W. Bush to wrestle the presidency from the actual winner of the election. “Everyone knows Berman. Everyone loves him.”

It all started with Berman’s ruling that vacated the four-game suspension of Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. This ruling quickly overshadowed other notable landmark rulings of 2015 such as the Marriage Equality and Affordable Care Acts that shook the nation and gave hope to the world that the United States may be on its way to live in the 21st Century. Richard Berman became an overnight star.

One Dunkin Donuts shop in Lewiston, Maine, posted a sign, letting Mr. Berman know he can now get free coffee for life.

“Why shouldn’t he be caffeinated for free,” said shop manager Angela Wings. “He has done more for this country than all of its presidents combined starting with George Washington.”

“If Berman runs for President, I’d vote for him,” added Danny Levin, a registered Republican and a current supporter of the Republican frontrunner Donald Trump. “He can build that wall with Mexico overnight,” he added, pumping his fist. “He is that capable!”

“Oh, totally, I’d vote for Berman,” said Laurie Choi, a registered Democrat, and a current supporter of the Democratic frontrunner Bernie Sanders. “Bernie wants to send my kids to college. Berman will send them to free Red Sox games for life!”

“Boston sucks,” said New York City resident Georgios Pomodores. “But yes, I’d vote for Berman. God knows I can’t handle even one more traffic jam than I have to in New York,” he said, referring to the intentional traffic jam caused by presidential candidate Chris Christie, who Georgios initially intended to support just as a matter or principle. It was not immediately clear how Berman would help with traffic jams other than him just not being Christie.

Judge Berman himself has not yet decided whether or not he will be running.

“I’m mostly concerned that I might win,” he said. “That means at least four years of my life doing what other people tell me to do.”

Polls indicate that Mr. Berman is currently trailing the projected winner of the presidency Bernie Sanders by only 2 points, which is within the standard error of the poll.

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