Roy Moore Denies Accusations

Late at night on election Tuesday, 12/12, Republican Senate hopeful Roy Stewart Moore addressed his cheering supporters and firmly denied accusations that he had lost the election to Democratic candidate Doug Jones.

“These allegations are completely false,” Moore stated on national TV.  “I did not lose this election. I never lost anything. These allegations are false.”

Mr. Moore further stated that the timing of the statement that he lost the election, exactly on election day and right after the votes were counted, is too politically convenient to be true.

“If I had really lost the election,” he said, “why didn’t they say that 30 years earlier? Why are they saying I lost the election exactly today, after the counting the votes?”

According to Mr. Moore, the statement that he lost the election is a last-ditch effort of Democrats to stop him from winning.

“It is politically motivated,” he said. “I see no other reason why they would be saying this. This is a vicious, politically-motivated lie.”

President Trump promptly threw his support behind the Republican candidate as soon as the election results became public, saying that he believed Mr. Moore when the latter claimed he did not lose the election.

“Look, he denies it,” said Trump. “He denies it. He says he did not lose. You have to look at it from his point of view too.”

Source: Roy Moore Denies Misconduct Allegations [Fox News]

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news.

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Roy Moore to Sponsor Female Teen Incarcerations

Alabama Republican hopeful Roy Moore announced that he is launching an urgent initiative that encourages female teens to commit minor crimes and further assists the Alabama judicial system with their quick incarceration.

“Female teens of 14-16 years of age desperately need the experiences that a co-ed Alabama prison can offer,” stated Moore. “Alabama has not been doing enough to facilitate those kinds of experiences.”

Mr. Moore made it very clear that he has no interest in discriminating against teens on the basis of race.

“My Republican colleagues have typically sponsored programs that help Black teens get into prison,” he said. “I, personally, don’t support that at this exact moment in time. I believe that blond or brunette Caucasian females need the prison experience just as much as teens of other races and backgrounds.”

While Mr. Moore acknowledges that the timing of his initiative may not be ideal, he believes that late is better than never.

“There will be those who try to link my initiative to recent false accusations made by non-Fox-News media,” he said. “These accusations have been nothing but politically motivated lies.”

Moore insisted that his initiative is urgent for completely unrelated reasons, and that he does not expect to be sent to the same exact prison where newly incarcerated female teens may start to be sent soon after.

“I am innocent,” he stated. “Still, one never knows about these things. Life if full of unpredictability.”

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News Sense News is a SATIRICAL blog of FAKE NEWS that aims to showcase, criticize and ridicule corruption, ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It is frequently inspired by very, very real quotes and news.