Today, lagging Presidential hopeful John Ellis “Jeb” Bush from Florida showed sudden and unexpected resolve and determination by telling supporters that if he could, he would kill Hitler in his infancy.
“Hell yeah, I’d kill baby Hitler,” he stated in front of a cheering crowd.
This is the first time the presidential candidate has actually expressed any willingness to take action of any kind, which in turn has caused his campaign to fall behind more action-oriented candidates such as Donald Trump, who has repeatedly shown willingness to kill Mexicans, Muslims, immigrants, and other unspecified groups.
Bush’ popularity immediately increased from 8% to 8.0001%.
Once on a roll, Mr. Bush capitalized on his gains. Asked if he would have Hitler’s mom have an abortion, he said.
“Absolutely not. Life is sacred.”
He confirmed, that he would let Hitler’s mom carry her some-day-to-become-monster son to full term, wait for her to give birth, after which he would shoot the newly born baby with a concealed handgun which the Second Amendment guarantees he can take with him to the hospital where Hitler is to be born.
He immediately enjoyed another bump to 8.5002% popularity among his Republican supporters, 0.0001% due to his anti-abortion views, and 0.5% due to his support of anybody’s right to carry a concealed weapon to shoot a baby in a hospital.
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News Sense News is a satirical fake news blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.
The quote from Jeb Bush is, however, 100% real! For more information, read the following CNN article.