Republican Presidential Candidate Donald John Trump Sr. today vowed to never give another public speech if he is elected President.
“Imagine a world,” he said, “where the President simply shuts up.”
Mr. Trump, who has experienced the fallout from saying too much when speaking his mind in public, has decided that this would be one of the differentiators between him and all the rest of his rivals.
“Anyone else out there, whether Republican or Democrat, will torture you with long, confusing speeches,” he said. “Not me. I will be silent as a rock from day one till day 2922.”
This, Trump states, will solve many and possibly all problems Presidents have been having.
“Just take my Presidential run announcement as an example,” said Trump. “NBC, Univision, Macy’s all cut ties with me. Mexicans are upset because I will be forcing them to pay for the wall I plan to build. Miss USAs are pulling out of the most prestigious beauty pageant on Earth without even knowing why.”
“All this could have been avoided if I weren’t required to speak,” he said. “When people speak, they say things that get other people upset.”
“I give you my word,” he promised solemnly, “that when I am President, I will not be saying anything. I will be the best President that God ever created.”
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