ISIS Requests Enhanced Spreadsheets from Google

ISIS_Spokesman

Today, ISIS spokesman Abu Mohammad al-Adnani confirmed that ISIS has made a formal request to Google to enhance its Google Doc Spreadsheets with capacity to enter more data.

“We use Google Docs to track all of our enemies,” said Adnani. “Over time, the list has grown considerably, and Google Docs is no longer capable of providing adequate data capacity for us.”

ISIS has also issued a plea for more Statisticians and Data Analysis Specialists to join its ranks.

“If you have prior experience dealing with large data sets, and if you have a death wish, then ISIS is the right place for you. Please purchase a one-way ticket to Syria via Turkey,” said Adnani. “We will make sure you are accommodated quickly for the short period of time while you will be helping us cope with the increasing problem of cataloging and classifying our enemies.”

“We also pledge to make sure that you rest in pieces after your job is done.”

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News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims to criticize and ridicule human ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

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