Potential Cop Killer on the Loose

Pagedale_MO

The entire Missouri police force has been called to report to duty on Monday despite upcoming holidays in an unprecedented hunt for a potential cop killer.

The potential killer was last seen pointing his index finger at an officer who had been standing peacefully in front of Dunkin Donuts in Pagedale, MO, only miles from where Michael Brown threatened the life of Ferguson Police Officer Darren Wilson.

The officer had been enjoying a donut and a cup of Dunkin coffee and both of his hands had been occupied by the tasty treats. So, he had been unable to immediately react to the threatening gesture. He did, however, tell fellow friends who work for Fox News that his hair had stood on end, because the gesture clearly mimicked the motion of pointing of a gun.

“I’ll never forget the feeling,” shared the shaken officer, whose name we have agreed to not disclose for safety reasons. “The pointed finger. The look on that [person’s] face. Evil, dark brown face. It still gives me the chills.”

The potential killer is described as approximately three feet tall, with dark complexion, curly black hair, slightly over-sized clothes, and sneakers that blink with blue lights. He was being led by the hand by an approximately 5′ 4” elderly woman of a similar complexion as both of them were crossing the street at a pedestrian crossing. After pointing his finger at the officer, the suspect allegedly stuck the threatening finger into his own nose, and it remained there while the suspect was still in sight.

The unnamed officer handled the situation with bravery and professionalism.

“I finished my donut in several large bites, and washed it down quickly with the remainder of my coffee,” he recalled. “There was no time to grab a napkin. Time is critical in life threatening situations. Even though my hands were still sticky from the glazed sugar, I drew out my weapon, and pointed it in the direction of the threat.”

Alas, it was too late. The potential killer and his older companion had already turned around the corner.

The officer called for immediate backup and waited until several other police vehicles arrived before the re-enforced small group proceeded carefully towards the corner with their weapons drawn.

“You can never be too careful,” the officer shared. “You never know what could be waiting for you on the other side.”

It had been too late indeed. Both suspects had already disappeared by the time the armed group was able to make their way past the dangerous corner.

“We don’t know where they went,” said the chief of the police department where the unnamed threatened officer gets his paycheck. “There is a bus stop on the other side. It is possible that both of them took the bus and blended with the rest of them Black folks. We have, however, started a manhunt, and we will not rest until we catch the dangerous individual and bring him to justice.”

Asked if they are ready to use lethal force, the chief of police was unequivocal.

“We are not taking any chances. Our officers have been instructed to shoot on site.”

A white-knuckled nation awaits while this hunt takes its course. A reward has been offered for any information that could lead to the capture and immediate execution of this potential killer.

(also see related followup story for further developments of this breaking news)

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News Sense News is a satirical blog that aims, among other things, to mock and ridicule ignorance and narrow-mindedness. It has taken a somewhat sudden turn away from its typical lighter tone to address issues of racism and police brutality for which it’s simply unacceptable to keep silent.

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