ISIS Adopts Halloween as Their First National Holiday

ISIS_militant_with_mask

In their quest to be recognized by the International community as a legitimate country, the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) announced their decision to adopt Halloween as their first official national holiday.

“We have a flag,” said ISIS spokesman Hallil ad-Din al-Sudan, “We are kind of working on a national anthem, although we do not seem to have recruited any composers among our ranks, and the one accidental composer we took hostage by pure chance was beheaded before he could write anything that would epitomize our culture of violence and intolerance. So, we still have a few things to sort out before we can call ourselves a real country.”

“However,” he said, “one thing became clear very early on. We can never be a country, where people, or I should say, radical Muslim men, can live and prosper happily, until we institute national holidays which we can celebrate as a nation.”

“Halloween was the natural choice,” he said opening his hands in a gesture of concession. “We all like to dress up, mostly like ninjas or penguins, and we don’t care if we all look the same. We are not very creative or fond of variety anyway. We do like to go from door to door and kidnap helpless civilians – it’s a kind of a trick if you think about it. ‘Trick or mis-treat-ing’ would integrate well into our culture.”

“And lastly, we love bloody scenes. Severed heads, cut-off fingers or arms, these are all things that excite us and delight us.”

Al-Sudan showed us his left hand, which was missing three fingers.

“Look! I lost these three in a drone airstrike. Doesn’t my hand look Halloween-ish already?”

He also pointed at the black mask he was wearing.

“No, it’s not a Ku Klux Klan hood. I stopped wearing these years back. White stains easily. I’m wearing a costume of my own creation, so that my parents, brother and nephew back in Alabama can’t recognize me. Not that they ever watch international news, but you can never be too cautious.”

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