“Interstellar” to be Pulled Out of Cinemas in Developed Countries

Interstellar

Government officials of developed countries unanimously voted to ban the showing of the popular blockbuster “Interstellar” to audiences in these countries.

“This film offends viewers who believe in the Fundamental Laws of Classical Physics,” said Dusseldorf Schwartz, an official representing the developed nation of Germany.

“If you are a viewer, who holds sacred the notion that every two objects experience a mutual gravitational attraction proportional to their masses, and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them, you may be rightfully upset and outraged when you see, for example, the ship of Matthew McConaughey (a.k.a. Cooper) drifting near Saturn along a trajectory that is anything but elliptical. I mean, there is even a particular moment where you see its path there exhibit clear asymptotic behavior, more becoming of light near the event horizon of the black hole than resembling the inverse quadratic curve that it should be following near Saturn.”

The creators of the popular movie stood behind their choices. “Yes, we have made certain creative decisions to enhance viewer impact,” movie director Christopher Nolan admitted. “We have done so artistically, and with taste.”

American viewer Amanda Jones disagreed. “I don’t want my future children, should I ever have a chance to find a boyfriend, and should he ever consider marrying me, and should we be able to procreate, to see a film where the Laws of Physics are represented in a twisted and inaccurate way. This movie is offensive to the extreme.”

This has not stopped third world nations from allowing the movie to play in their theaters without constraints. “It’s a pleasure to watch,” said 13 year old Sameer Gupta. “I loved the special effects in the 3D IMAX version. I’ve never seen anything like this before!”

Sameer’s parents Rajeet and Sumaia Gupta were also supportive of their son’s decision to see the movie. “Why shouldn’t we let him? Other kids his age have seen it. They talk about it in school. Our son should enjoy the same movies other children his age watch.”

American scientist Albert Newton was not amused. “There are many unenlightened ignorants in other countries,” he said. “As much as we have tried to teach them the Universal notions of our Physical Sciences, they remain as uneducated and backward as they have ever been. It is our responsibility that here, in America, we do not allow audiences to be exposed to inaccurate unscientific ideas.”

Despite the ban, there have been reports of illegal downloads of the movie, most of which were traced to Concordia, Kanzas, where no one has heard of science.

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