Ferguson Cop Explains Reasons Behind Shooting

In a surprising turn of events, as soon as a grand jury voted to not indict Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson for his fatal shooting of Michael Brown, the veteran cop spoke out, revealing the reasons why he killed the unarmed Black teenager.

“It was a whimsically ingenious plan,” said Wilson. “You see, I have a cousin who’s stationed in Iraq. We got a word long time back that this year he won’t make it home for the holidays. You can imagine how disappointing this news was for our family. There hasn’t been a single Thanksgiving so far when he had not sat with us at the dinner table, lighting up the room with that open, friendly smile of his. So, we devised a plan!”

We asked what that plan was.

“It boiled down to this,” said Wilson. “One of us, don’t matter who, was going to shoot and kill some random Black kid. We’ve done this before, we know what would happen next. Them Black folks always riot when something like this happens. It happened this time too. It’s as reliable as clockwork.”

“We made sure that this time them Black folks were pretty pissed off. I mean, we had to do this real blunt – in broad daylight, with witnesses, with people filming the whole thing with their cell phones. And then, we’d let them know that no one would go to trial for that. That was going to piss them off plenty.”

How is this related to Wilson’s cousin?

“That was the hard part and it took some planning,” shared Wilson. “To keep the peace, they always bring in the National guard. By pissing off Black folks real bad, we made sure that this time we needed a lot more armed forces on the streets than usual.”

“This is where the connections of my Police Unit came in to help. They requested additional folks, and specifically, the unit of my cousin Clyde to be brought back home from Iraq as an emergency. This part didn’t’ even need to be an act. It’s a fucking war zone if you look around.”

“So, they brought him! Our little cousin Clyde was back here with us, all dressed up in war gear, fighting to restore law and order in his own hometown. Not only was he back, but he came back as a hero to save the day! He will be sitting with us at the dinner table this Thanksgiving too!” Wilson could not hide his happiness and pride.

We asked if the officer had any concerns about his plan not working.

“Well, there’s always that chance,” admitted Wilson. “Worst that could happen is that they sent someone else. That’s if some asshole out there in Iraq decided to be difficult. Luckily, this didn’t happen. We have good connections there, it all worked out.

Wasn’t Wilson concerned that he might get indicted?

“Are you kidding me?” laughed Wilson. “I’m a white cop, shooting a Black kid. When was the last time anyone got indicted under these circumstances?”

The decision was made by a jury. Was it not possible that the jury decided otherwise?

“You clearly don’t understand how things work down here in Missouri,” said Wilson, shaking his head. “Well, let me enlighten you by sharing this. I actually got a call from the jury early this morning. They apologized for the inconvenience.”

– – –

Author’s Note:

I hope that your gut turned as you read this post. I hope you thought, this can’t be real. It isn’t. It’s a grossly exaggerated version of reality, but nevertheless, a reality that exists. This story may not be real, but racism is.

Everything published in News Sense News is 100% fake. That’s the concept of the blog; to be a satire that brings people’s attention to issues by doing the opposite of what sugar-coating does; making these issues visible via exaggeration.

But unlike the previous few (this is a new blog that started only last week) posts, this post tackles a darker subject. Being very new to online publishing, I was very much on the fence whether or not to post it. Yes, I did want to make a statement about the unfairness of the system that tolerates racism and even waves it at people’s faces, but was that the right format?

Maybe. Maybe not. Not everything in life is light and fun. Sooner or later, one sees the darker side.

This story does not aim to claim any specific outcome in the Ferguson case. As many have already duly noted, the law had spoken; we are a country of laws; now we need to figure out how to move forward in constructive ways, learning from the past for a better future.

Here is to the hope that some day, the world will live racism-free.

My heart goes out to Brown’s family, who, I can not even imagine how, will have to find the strength to live with the loss of their son. My deepest condolences.

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One thought on “Ferguson Cop Explains Reasons Behind Shooting

  1. I hope that your gut turned as you read this post. I hope you thought, this can’t be real. It isn’t. It’s a grossly exaggerated version of reality, but nevertheless, a reality that exists. Racism is real.

    But if your gut turned, then there is hope that some day racism would be eradicated. We still have a long way to go though.

    Like

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