Today, the State of Kansas reported that they are removing from school curricula all material suggesting that babies are a result of sexual reproduction in favor of the more accurate theory that babies are being delivered by storks.
“Finally,” said Fiona Dogson, “the State has started to open its eyes to the Truth.”
“It is difficult to imagine that for so many years schools taught children that something as shameful and indecent as sex could result in the creation of a human being,” she added.
What prompted the sudden progressive move?
“It wasn’t as sudden as it should have been,” said Kanzas City resident Charles Doughwin, “even though, rationally speaking, there had never been a satisfactory scientific explanation how exactly sex might result in the creation of a baby.”
Professors of Biology at University of Kanzas also threw in their weight behind the new theory.
“There is a very clear statistical correlation between the number of storks and the number of babies,” explained Professor Gottlieb, Emeritus. “They are both on the rise in rural areas, and they are both on the decline in urban environments.”
“Additionally,” he added, “we have amassed significant number of documented cases, in which sex did not, I repeat, did not at all result in the creation of a human being.”
Asked if it is possible that birth control was used in any of these cases, Professor Gottlieb crossed himself, spit inside his shirt, and whispered “God, why would anyone even consider the idea? They’d be burning in hell for Eternity!”
“Let’s not forget!” joined in the Reverend Father Itziotis, “that there is also one, but in fact a very very important example of a human being that was not a result of sex. HE was, in fact, born as a result of immaculate conception! I know it, you know it, everyone in the world knows it. The Holy Book does not state, however, that he had not been brought in by a stork. This remains a clear possibility.”
“The stork theory is simple and logical,” jumped in to his help Martha Maddalena. “It offers answers, where science does not.”
The State of Kansas is proud to be the first state, where the correct theory of babies will finally be taught in schools so that our children are not misled by dogmatic scientific thinking.
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